joke time

[onlinebiker]

Not US!

Signed

The Penguins

Bloke rushes into a bar and asks the barman "How tall is a Penguin?"

Bartender " Oh, less than a metre I think"

Bloke " Thank goodness for that! I thought I'd just run over a nun!"


When I was growing up, we referred to the local nuns as Penguins.

Chicago, huh?

Signed

Jake and Elwood

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A koala is sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint. A little lizard walks by and asks the koala what he's doing. 'Smoking weed,' says the koala. 'Come up and have some.' So, the little lizard climbs the tree and he and the koala burn a few.

After a bit, the little lizard was getting drymouth and told the koala he was going down to the river for a drink. When he got to the the river, he was so stoned that he leaned over too far and fell in. A nearby crocodile took pity on the little lizard and helped him back onto the river bank. 'How did you happen to fall in?' asks the croc. The little lizard explained that he was smoking weed with a koala, got too high and lost his balance.

The crocodile decides to check out his story and heads for the trees. After searching about for a bit, sure enough - he sees a koala sitting in a gum tree smoking a joint. 'Hey, you!' the crocodile calls up.

Blearily, the koala looks down at the crocodile, and says, 'Duuuuuude...how much water did you fuckin' drink?'

Boru

[Darinda]

On Palm Sunday, a five-year-old boy had a sore throat and stayed home from church with a babysitter. When the family returned home, they were carrying several palm branches. The boy asked them what they were.”People held them over Jesus’ head as He walked by,” his father told him.

“Wouldn’t you know it,” the boy fumed.

“The one Sunday I don’t go and Jesus shows up.”

[Brian37]

How many Kyle's does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Ask the Judge.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

True story, I swear.

My brother's best mate is a brilliant and rich entrepeneur. My bro says his favourite activity is counting his money. Alas, he has limited education. He has always been what we call a root rat. Most unjustly, this is the Aussie male equivalent of a slut, aka skanky moll.

Bro swears he witnessed this conversation between his mate and his mate's mother:

Mum "You're a philanthropist you are.

Bloke "Ah Mum, you know I've never collected stamps"

Madame Malaprop is alive and well.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

If it doesn’t originate in the Atheonge region of France, it’s not proper atheism. It’s just sparking naturalism.

Boru

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

Bloke rushes into a bar and asks the barman "How tall is a Penguin?"

Bartender " Oh, less than a metre I think"

Bloke " Thank goodness for that! I thought I'd just run over a nun!"


When I was growing up, we referred to the local nuns as Penguins.

Chicago, huh?

Signed

Jake and Elwood

 Remember that nun belting Jake and Elwood with that fucking great a ruler?  Far too close to reality to be parody. The nuns who taught me used the cane end of a feather duster and  electrical flex. On bare legs.  On kids from as young as five .Those cunts were pure sadists . Happily, most of 'em are dead now.

One of life's ironies; if I'm wrong about god, I will be acutely aware within a nanosecond of my death. If those nuns and others like them are wrong, they will never know, as they enter oblivion.

[onlinebiker]

Yup. Got a copy of it... One of the best cop chase scenes in history......

And the talent.... Holy shit......

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Yup. Got a copy of it... One of the best cop chase scenes in history......

And the talent.... Holy shit......

It’s one of those films that has everything going for it.

Boru

[onlinebiker]

Yup. Got a copy of it... One of the best cop chase scenes in history......

And the talent.... Holy shit......

It’s one of those films that has everything going for it.

Boru

It has Carrie Fisher with a rocket launcher.

What more could a guy want?