joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

My doctor once asked me, 'Does anyone in your family suffer from mental illness?' and I said, 'No, we all seem to enjoy it.'

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Been a rotten day here. First, six people were run over by a bus, then I lost my side hustle as a bus driver.

Boru

[The Valkyrie]

Been a rotten day here. First, six people were run over by a bus, then I lost my side hustle as a bus driver.

Boru

Yeah, I've been volunteering as a crossing guard at the local primary school.

Apparently there's also been a 500% rise in crossing guard brutalities.

Hope they get the person.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A man comes home early from work, and finds his beautiful wife in a short skirt on her hands and knees scrubbing the floor. She looks particularly enticing from that angle, so he unzips and does what you’d expect in a joke like this, with all of the usual moans and groans.

When he’s finished, he gives his wife a tremendous swat on the bum. She says angrily, ‘What the hell was THAT for??’

He says, ‘That’s for not looking round to see who it was!’

Boru

[Darinda]

A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money.

The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, “Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel.”

“I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents.”

“The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I’d accumulated a fortune of $1.37.”

“Then my wife’s father died and left us two million dollars.”

[Darinda]

A man was interviewing for a job. The interviewer said, “In this job we need someone who is responsible.”

“I’m the one you want,” the man replied. “At my last job every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

[The Valkyrie]

I was having a beer on my deck last night when a raven flew over, landed on the railing, and said, "nevermore!"

I think it was a poe.

[Oldandeasilyconfused]

Been a rotten day here. First, six people were run over by a bus, then I lost my side hustle as a bus driver.

Boru

---

Been a rotten day here. First, six people were run over by a bus, then I lost my side hustle as a bus driver.

Boru

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((0))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

From the inimitable, very Zen Gracie Allen:

Q Why do firemen wear red suspenders?

A To get to the other side

Q Why did the chicken cross the road?

A To keep his trousers up.

---

Been a rotten day here. First, six people were run over by a bus, then I lost my side hustle as a bus driver.

Boru

---

(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((0))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))

[quote pid='2080210' dateline='1639017072']
[quote pid='2080210' dateline='1639017072']

---

[/quote]

[/quote]

[Darinda]

A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.

“Sorry, he doesn’t live here anymore, we’re divorced!”

Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results.

He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling. “Look, Bozo! We’re divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going to get that through your fat head?”

“Oh, I know! I just can’t hear it enough!”

[Fireball]