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joke time
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I find it embarrassing when someone visits my house and the dog sniffs their crotch.
Especially since he's a chihuahua and I have to lift him up to do it. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" 
Whats the difference between Trump and Jesus?
Jesus thinks Trump would suit better as life long usa president. 
If an Amazon employee gets pregnant during her shift, is she eligible for next day delivery?
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
A monk came up to me yesterday trying to sell flowers.
I refused. Be responsible. Only you can prevent florist friars. Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"  (August 24, 2022 at 4:42 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: A monk came up to me yesterday trying to sell flowers. For that...you deserve a spanking.
Disappointing theists since 1968!
Jesus'miracle with the loaves and the fish was a slap in the face to those who brought their own lunches!
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"  (August 25, 2022 at 3:50 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Jesus'miracle with the loaves and the fish was a slap in the face to those who brought their own lunches! New JESUS Miracle | Just For Laughs Gags
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
A man finds a dusty old lamp. While he’s polishing it up (as usually happens in jokes like this), a genie appears.
‘For freeing me from the lamp, I grant you three wishes. And no - you can’t wish for addition wishes, so don’t even go there.’ The man thinks for a moment and says, ‘I wish you couldn’t count.’ ‘Granted! Now, how many wishes do you have left?’ ‘A billion.’ ‘Hmm…that sounds about right.’ Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
All my friends know I enjoy cooking and, though I say it as shouldn’t, one of them recently asked me what ideas I had for something she called ‘leftover bacon’.
I’ve never heard of this kind of bacon. Is it new? Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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