Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: March 29, 2024, 7:16 am

Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
joke time
RE: joke time
(September 30, 2022 at 5:08 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote:
(September 30, 2022 at 3:28 pm)arewethereyet Wrote: groan   Faints

You say that, but I’m hearing nothing but applause.

Boru

Comedians call it Laugh Ears or just The Ears.....


Hehe
Reply
RE: joke time
(September 30, 2022 at 3:14 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I fell ill while staying at a small hotel in Madrid. I rang the front desk to see if they could recommend a local doctor. ‘Not necessary, sir,’ I was told. ‘We have a doctor on staff. He’ll be at your room in five minutes.’ 

Sure enough, the doctor arrived quickly and in just a few minutes diagnosed a minor stomach upset. He provided me with medication and instructions on how to take it, then assured me I’d be right as rain in a day or so.

As he was leaving, I expressed surprise that such a small hotel would have its own doctor. He said, ‘Yes, we hear that a lot, because…




Boru

[Image: Fb0-TEO3-WQAcrp-L.jpg]
Dying to live, living to die.
Reply
RE: joke time
Judge: How could you kill 24 people? What the hell was wrong with you?

Driver:I was driving at 50mph when I saw two men crossing the road. On the roadside, there was a restaurant with outside seating. I wanted to apply the brakes, but I realised they were not working. So I had to take a decision: Either hit the 2 men or run into the restaurant.

Judge: Hit the 2 men of course!

Driver: Exactly! After hitting the first man, the other man ran inside the restaurant so l followed him.
Reply
RE: joke time
Gandalf: ‘Sometimes we forget that even the smallest among us can achieve great things.’

Frodo: ‘Even Pippin?’

Gandalf: ‘No.’

Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
Reply
RE: joke time
Jesus, Chuck Norris and the Pope are sitting in a boat in the middle of a lake.

They decide to get to the shore, so Jesus leaves the boat first and walks over the water to the shore.

Chuck Norris leaves second and also walks over the water to the shore.

The Pope, being baffled, also tries to take a step out of the boat but immediately falls in, so he has to swim to the shore.

Back on land the Pope asks Jesus and Chuck Norris how they were both able to walk on the water.

Jesus replies with “Oh, I should have told you about the rocks which are close to the surface of the water”

Chuck Norris then asks “What rocks?”
Reply
RE: joke time
If your girlfriend comes home wearing a white jump suit, smelling like honey and covered with bee stings, then you KNOW she's a keeper.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
Reply
RE: joke time
A couple is checking into a seedy hotel.

Man, "We'd like a room for the night."

Desk clerk, "Do you have any reservations?"

Her, "I'm not sure about taking it up the bum!"
Dying to live, living to die.
Reply
RE: joke time
[Image: H9iFaHL.jpg]
  
“If you are the smartest person in the room, then you are in the wrong room.” — Confucius
                                      
Reply
RE: joke time
Scientists recorded the sound of two helium atoms laughing.

HeHe.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
Reply
RE: joke time
Jesus and Moses walking on the beach.

So Jesus and Moses are walking along the beach and Moses says “you know Jesus it’s been a long time since I parted the sea let me see if I can still do it”.

So he throws his staff down throws his arms up and nothing happens. Jesus says to him “why don’t you try again it’s been a long time”. So Moses throws his staff down, throws his arms up and the sea parts, it was beautiful. So Jesus says to Moses “it’s been a long time since I’ve walked on the water let me see if I still have it in me”.

Jesus walks out onto the water and sinks, he comes back up discouraged but Moses tells him it’s been a long time and to give it another go.

Jesus walks back out onto the waters and sinks again he comes back up and says “I know what the problem is last time I did this I didn’t have these damn holes in my feet”.
Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  No joke -- I have decided to convert to Christianity! Jehanne 10 2287 April 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm
Last Post: arewethereyet
  A sacred joke. Mystic 15 2737 January 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  Big Bang Theory Neil Tyson joke Brian37 1 1486 May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Last Post: vorlon13
  There Has To Be A Joke Here, Somewhere! Minimalist 3 2352 October 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Last Post: Zidneya
  Joke Minimalist 59 16975 June 27, 2014 at 12:25 am
Last Post: Ravenshire
  A little joke Sup 11 4280 April 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  Evolution (is a) joke JesusLover1 12 8962 March 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Preacher joke 02 Drich 2 1891 February 12, 2014 at 7:15 am
Last Post: NoraBrimstone
  Preacher joke 01 Drich 8 4496 January 20, 2014 at 12:31 am
Last Post: Drich
  Make Up An Atheist Joke freedomfromforum 5 2887 October 6, 2013 at 12:30 am
Last Post: Angrboda



Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)