joke time

[Darinda]

At a local college dance, a guy from America asked the girl from Sweden to dance.

While they were dancing, he gives her a little squeeze, and says, “In America, we call this a hug”.

She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a hug too.”

A little later, he gives her a peck on the cheek, and says, “In America, we call this a kiss”.

She replies, “Yaah, in Sveden, we call it a kiss too.”

Towards the end of the night, and a lot of drinks later, he takes her out on the campus lawn, and proceeds to have sex with her, and says, “In America, we call this a grass sandwich”.

She says, “Yaaah in Sveden, we call it a grass sandwich too, but we usually put more meat in it.”

[The Valkyrie]

I ate my own clone.

Is this healthy?

Now I'm crapping myself!

[Darinda]

A medical doctor, an engineer, and a politician were discussing their professions. Which profession was the oldest?

The medical officer reminded the others that the Book of Genesis clearly states that the first woman was created from the rib of a man. This was a medical function, so one must agree that his profession was the oldest.

Whereupon the engineer argued that earlier in the Book of Genesis there was a reference to the fact that God created order and calm out of chaos and mayhem. ‘That would take an engineer!’

‘Oh no,’ cried the politician, ‘we go back further. Who do you think created the chaos?’

[Darinda]

A six-year-old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa…
When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grandpa’s room.
“Grandpa, Grandpa,” he says excitedly, “as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!”
“What?” said his grandpa.
“Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croak, we’re going to Disneyland!!!”

[Darinda]

Two old guys are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide…

The first old guy says to the second guy,

‘Sorry about that. I’m looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn’t paying attention to where I was going.’

The second old guy says,

‘That’s OK, it’s a coincidence. I’m looking for my wife, too. I can’t find her and I’m getting a little desperate.’

The first old guy says, ‘Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?’

‘ The second old guy says, ‘Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, and is wearing short shorts.

What does your wife look like?’

To which the first old guy says, ‘Doesn’t matter, let’s look for yours.’

[The Valkyrie]

A year three teacher asks her class, "what do you want to be when you grow up?"

Little Johnny sticks his hand up and replies, "I wanna be a billionaire. I'll have a bitch that I'll give an apartment in the islands, a mansion in Paris, a private jet so that she can go anywhere she wants, and an unlimited credit card. In exchange I'll screw her three times a day!"

Shocked, the teacher ignores him and repeats the same question to the rest of the class.

In the back, little Nancy puts her hand up and replies. "I wsnt to be Johnny's bitch!"

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

My wife once yelled at me, 'You haven't listened to a single word I've been saying!'

What a weird way to start a conversation.

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I found out that if you work at an Indian restaurant, you have to sign a legal document promising not to share their flatbread recipe.

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It's a standard naan disclosure agreement.

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Boru

[pgrimes15]

Air Wick have developed an automatic air freshener that works off brain waves.
It makes sense if you think about it.

[A. Secular Human]

I found out that if you work at an Indian restaurant, you have to sign a legal document promising not to share their flatbread recipe.

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It's a standard naan disclosure agreement.

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Boru

BADUMP TSCH!