Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
October 9, 2023 at 2:54 pm
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two young people show up. One is a good looking lad in his mid-twenties and the other is a gorgeous woman about the same age.
The circus owner tells them: I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you guys better be good or you’re history. Here’s your equipment: chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”
The girl says, “I’ll go first.” She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About half way there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body. The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her ankles. He continues to lick her calves, kisses them and rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner’s mouth is on the floor. He says, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life,” He then turns to the young man and asks, “can you top that?”
The young man replies. “No problem, just get that lion out of the way.”
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
October 9, 2023 at 5:25 pm
(This post was last modified: October 9, 2023 at 5:27 pm by BrianSoddingBoru4.)
A florist goes to his local barber for a haircut. When he tries to pay, the barber says, ‘No charge. I’m give back to the community, so all haircuts are free this week.’ The next morning, the barber finds twelve red roses outside his shop, with a thank you note from the florist.
Later that day, a cop comes in for a haircut. When he tries to pay, the barber again explains why there’s no charge. When he opens the shop the next morning, he finds a dozen doughnuts with a thank you note from the cop.
Later that day, a politician comes in for a haircut. Once more, the barber explains that he’s giving back to the community, so there’s no charge.
When the barber goes to open up the next morning, he finds twelve politicians waiting for free haircuts
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 17127
Threads: 462
Joined: March 29, 2015
Reputation:
30
RE: joke time
October 9, 2023 at 7:03 pm
When Chuck Norris was six he molested a priest.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
Posts: 2412
Threads: 5
Joined: January 3, 2018
Reputation:
22
RE: joke time
October 9, 2023 at 8:49 pm
This is page 666. What a Relevation!
Posts: 17127
Threads: 462
Joined: March 29, 2015
Reputation:
30
RE: joke time
October 10, 2023 at 12:49 am
(October 9, 2023 at 8:49 pm)polymath257 Wrote: This is page 666. What a Relevation!
To a Christian reading this topic (or any other), every page seems like 666.
teachings of the Bible are so muddled and self-contradictory that it was possible for Christians to happily burn heretics alive for five long centuries. It was even possible for the most venerated patriarchs of the Church, like St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, to conclude that heretics should be tortured (Augustine) or killed outright (Aquinas). Martin Luther and John Calvin advocated the wholesale murder of heretics, apostates, Jews, and witches. - Sam Harris, "Letter To A Christian Nation"
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
October 10, 2023 at 4:11 pm
I will NEVER try to donate blood again - all those stoopid questions!
-‘Whose blood is it?’
-‘Where did you get it?’
-‘Why is it in a bucket?’
Nosy parkers.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 372
Threads: 27
Joined: May 21, 2023
Reputation:
3
RE: joke time
October 10, 2023 at 7:18 pm
What do you call a piece of shit 12 inches long?
A foot stool.
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
October 12, 2023 at 6:30 am
'Wow! I looks like I only spent $32 at the bar last night. That's a new personal low for me!!'
'You do remember that it was Dollar Margarita night, don't you?'
'No...but that answers my next five questions.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 46324
Threads: 540
Joined: July 24, 2013
Reputation:
109
RE: joke time
October 12, 2023 at 5:34 pm
‘I came home from work to find that my kids had been on eBay all day.’
‘Maybe you should lower the price.’
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Posts: 35313
Threads: 205
Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
October 12, 2023 at 9:22 pm
(October 10, 2023 at 4:11 pm)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: I will NEVER try to donate blood again - all those stoopid questions!
-‘Whose blood is it?’
-‘Where did you get it?’
-‘Why is it in a bucket?’
Nosy parkers.
Boru
"Beccs, you have the heart of an 18-year-old!"
"I know. And a twenty year old. A 24-year -old. 28-year-old twins. A 37-year-old. That Mormon guy who woke me up early on a Saturday..."
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
