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Current time: December 16, 2024, 1:02 am

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joke time
RE: joke time
I love my FedEx guy cause he's a drug dealer and he doesn't even know it — and he's always on time.
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Makes perfect sense.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
Reply
RE: joke time
Guaranteed or your money back.
You make people miserable and there's nothing they can do about it, just like god.
-- Homer Simpson

God has no place within these walls, just as facts have no place within organized religion.
-- Superintendent Chalmers

Science is like a blabbermouth who ruins a movie by telling you how it ends. There are some things we don't want to know. Important things.
-- Ned Flanders

Once something's been approved by the government, it's no longer immoral.
-- The Rev Lovejoy
Reply
RE: joke time
What does Batman yell when he runs through his house?

Nana nana nana nana ME!
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Makes perfect sense.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
Reply
RE: joke time
I was on pornhub earlier and a popup appeared, saying "lonely singles in your area". It was just a photo of me.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Reply
RE: joke time
Quote:Good news/ bad news from Doctor....    

 
 
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Quote:REGRET FROM THE HOSPITAL STAFF:

We are pleased to inform you that the biopsy of the redness on your penis tip was NOT cancer, it came back and  was determined to be lipstick.

We deeply regret the amputation.
Reply
RE: joke time
Hehe.
I bet the wife doesn't regret the amputation!
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Reply
RE: joke time
What do you call a lesbian dinosaur? Lickalottapuss.
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Makes perfect sense.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
Reply
RE: joke time
Quote:I pulled into the crowded parking lot at the local shopping centre and rolled
down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever Pup had fresh air.
She was stretched full-out on the back seat and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there.

I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically,
"Now you stay. Do you hear me?
Stay! Stay!"

The driver of a nearby car, a pretty young blonde, gave me a strange look and said, "Why don't you just put it in 'Park'?"
Reply
RE: joke time
Tips for giving a good hand-job.

1. Put it in your mouth.
Reply
RE: joke time
Give a man a fish and you'll feed him for a day. Give a dog a toffee and you'll piss yourself laughing for an hour.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Reply



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