How do you deal with a religious family?

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Hi Heather,

Unfortunately I can't comment as nobody in my family is religious. But I wanted to say I like your handle as I'm a fan of Badly drawn boy

[Tonus]

I love my family dearly and they are great people, but I know they wouldn't accept my beliefs and would probably give me the cold shoulder for awhile and tell me they feel sorry for me, and they'll pray for me, and "how can you look at your son and say that there is no god?" Most of all really, I'm afraid to tell my dad, because he's wonderful and he means everything to me and I don't want to hurt him or make him disappointed in me.

This is just another reminder of how religious belief hurts people. They sincerely believe that treating you like that is for your own good, and they are willing to suffer (and make you suffer) because they believe it is the best way to deal with your lack of belief. They think that god would prefer for you all to suffer, with the promise of a happy future if they just stick to their guns in this life.

I'm sorry to hear that you're facing this scenario, and there doesn't seem to be a way out if they are determined to demand certain concessions from you regardless of the consequences. I can only say that you will probably be better off if you stand your ground, knowing that there is no good resolution to this, just bad and less bad. Hang in there and remember that it's not your fault if they prefer to side with an imaginary friend over their very real daughter and sister.

[ShaMan]

What are your beliefs?

My beliefs are just that the bible is bullshit and just started as a way to try to control society, there is no god sitting up in the clouds waiting for me, and when I die I'm going to be gone as if I never existed.... that's about it, but I don't know if that's how I should word it lol

(emphasis added)

Perhaps you could start another thread for discussion. Debate and in-depth discussion are not best held in an intro thread (kinda). I'm curious how you came to your belief that there is no god.

Don't get me wrong, please. I don't believe in a god, but I don't believe I know all that can be known, and so I don't say there is no god. My current position is that I've not yet seen demonstrable proof that a god exists... but who can say? Perhaps one day we'll see god as plainly as we now see the sphere of our own globe, where formerly all we saw was a flat map of an Earth.

[*Deidre*]

This is your life. Your child. No fucking way would my family of origin tell me how to live it.
If you spend your life cow towing to others ...appeasing others...walking on eggshells for others...you will miss out on YOUR life.

You're not hurting anyone. You're an atheist. Big whoop. They can accept you or not.

Oh, and welcome to the site.

[Dragonetti]

I just make fun of all my believing family members.

None of my family has shun me, due to my financial success, and they are all waiting for their handouts.

[The Valkyrie]

First up, welcome and congratulations on your first child.

As to the problem I would suggest bringing it up as a question at first. When you're sitting around with your parents, and only them, initially, just bring up the subject of atheism/non-belief without specifically stating that you now fall into that category and see how they react. It will give you an idea of how they will respond to you.

In the end, it's up to you how you want to bring it up and when. I would be non confrontational about it and just talk through how you feel, how you came to your conclusion and how you want to keep your own family out of it.

If your parents are anything like my mother, they'll try to guilt trip you with the whole, "how have we failed you?" nonsense.

Stand strong. Be yourself. Be open and honest. Don't let them guilt trip you.

[badlydrawngirl]

My beliefs are just that the bible is bullshit and just started as a way to try to control society, there is no god sitting up in the clouds waiting for me, and when I die I'm going to be gone as if I never existed.... that's about it, but I don't know if that's how I should word it lol

(emphasis added)

Perhaps you could start another thread for discussion. Debate and in-depth discussion are not best held in an intro thread (kinda). I'm curious how you came to your belief that there is no god.

Don't get me wrong, please. I don't believe in a god, but I don't believe I know all that can be known, and so I don't say there is no god. My current position is that I've not yet seen demonstrable proof that a god exists... but who can say? Perhaps one day we'll see god as plainly as we now see the sphere of our own globe, where formerly all we saw was a flat map of an Earth.

Well maybe I just didn't word it correctly. I don't believe there is a god, I don't know how anyone could be 100% sure there is or isn't though. But I really lean to the belief that there is not a god. The belief just gradually slipped away from me to the point where it is nonexistent. I don't think there is a deeper meaning anymore, I don't know how to explain it. I'm not good with words lol

[LarissaAnn]

I don't mind if my son goes to church, but I don't want religion to be pressured onto him. I will teach him about what other people believes, and I will tell him what his parents believe, but I do not want other people brainwashing him with their beliefs.

You are already a wonderful mother. The way you're approaching parenthood reminds me of George Carlin's "Teach your children to question EVERYTHING" quote which is a wonderful way to bring up a child I think, with an open mind to everything.

I wish I had some stellar advice for you. I haven't come out to my family and friends as an atheist either yet very much want to have the courage to do so.

One day I will, but it will be when I'm ready. I know you probably feel like the clock is ticking for your situation because everyone is asking when you plan to have your son baptized, but I'll say it anyway, come out when you're ready. If you do so under pressure it may not go as well as you want it to.

Remind them that these are your feelings, your beliefs, and that they don't harm or affect their own faith that you still support them having their beliefs (if that is the case) and that you're not asking them to believe as you do you're just asking them to hear and see you.

Be prepared for the worst and don't act until you're sure you can face the worst if it happens...but at the same time hope for the best. Sometimes you never know how people will react.

[bladevalant546]

Well I am a preachers kid and I was in a similar situation as yourself. Being a decent apologetic, and rather known among my Christian circles and little bit on the internet. I eventually woke up one morning and realized I was not a Christian anymore nor did I believe. The trigger was a simple debate that made me examine the evidence and I realized the evidence simply was not there.

It took a while for me to sort of come out to my father, which we still talk theology. However, he was more accepting and actually apologized for the fact the church never gave me an accurate portrayal of how Christians should have acted. Case and point I cannot come out to my mother as it would devastate her and it is a pressure that I wish no one had to feel. I mean fear that your family will choose faith over tangible family is beyond me. I would do as I did, I loved my parents whom loved me dearly and valued that over merely telling my personal beliefs. I am an adult and I earned the right to withhold some information from them. That is some of the weighing of options I did, and chose the relationship as more important than a stupid philosophical belief. However, if the question ever came up I would not lie.

[Cleo]

I just try to focus on other things. I enjoy travelling around different parts of the world. When I am at home I love my animals and creating art.
Why live miserably?