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RE: I'm afraid of being agnostic, I need help
January 5, 2015 at 12:41 pm
Yep, my parent's abuse was so subtle I actually thought they were great parents at the time, and ended up blaming myself for my resulting suicidal depression. They are such master manipulators that people have trouble believing me when I tell them what went on.
Parents can be fucking evil. And they didn't even use religion on me, luckily.
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RE: I'm afraid of being agnostic, I need help
January 7, 2015 at 11:25 am
(January 2, 2015 at 9:33 pm)TaosFlower Wrote: How do I overcome this? How can I stop being so scared about hell, when I know it can't possibly be real?
Just to give you my own experience:
When I was around 28 or so, I got to a point where my doubts got serious to the point where I was afraid I didn't believe. I spent around a year-and-a-half trying to get it to make sense, and things only got worse.
The next six months after that, I stopped believing but I couldn't really admit it to myself. I was afraid that this might be a test and I might be failing and I might be dooming myself to hell. I ultimately got over that by realizing that I was only worrying about the religion in which I was raised. Christianity has no more proof for it than Islam or any other religion. I had never lost any sleep about going to Muslim hell for not following Islam, so why was I worrying about going to Christian hell?
Once I accepted that, I was able to accept my lack of belief. Best of luck to you during this time of your life! If your experiences are in any way like mine, realize that this will likely take some time. Be patient and keep questioning!
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RE: I'm afraid of being agnostic, I need help
January 7, 2015 at 11:33 am
(January 5, 2015 at 12:41 pm)robvalue Wrote: Yep, my parent's abuse was so subtle I actually thought they were great parents at the time, and ended up blaming myself for my resulting suicidal depression.
You make me curious what that looked like, that you got fooled like that for so long, because I haven't experienced anything like that myself. Only if you feel like it though.
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition
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RE: I'm afraid of being agnostic, I need help
January 7, 2015 at 12:33 pm
(This post was last modified: January 7, 2015 at 12:33 pm by robvalue.)
It's a bit hard to describe, but it was a combination of emotional bullying, belittlement, making sure I needed them, insults... just a gradual grinding down over years to the point where I had nothing left and was a suicidal wreck. They are unbelievable control freaks, and they've admitted the only reason they had us was to be looked up to and needed. As soon as me and my brothers got to the age that we could start being independent, they couldn't stand it so did everything they could to keep us under their thumbs. I can't even remember a lot of my childhood so I think I've blanked much of it out, I know some violence was involved too but I'm not sure how much. Both my brothers and I have all suffered depression because of this treatment. Because they are so convincing, they had me feeling it was all my fault.
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RE: I'm afraid of being agnostic, I need help
January 7, 2015 at 6:55 pm
(This post was last modified: January 7, 2015 at 6:55 pm by Alex K.)
Wow. Sure I suppose every parent partly wants children to have someone that gives you affirmation of sorts, and who doesn't like to be admired. But what you describe is scary.
The fool hath said in his heart, There is a God. They are corrupt, they have done abominable works, there is none that doeth good.
Psalm 14, KJV revised edition
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RE: I'm afraid of being agnostic, I need help
January 7, 2015 at 7:44 pm
(January 7, 2015 at 12:33 pm)robvalue Wrote: It's a bit hard to describe, but it was a combination of emotional bullying, belittlement, making sure I needed them, insults... just a gradual grinding down over years to the point where I had nothing left and was a suicidal wreck. They are unbelievable control freaks, and they've admitted the only reason they had us was to be looked up to and needed. As soon as me and my brothers got to the age that we could start being independent, they couldn't stand it so did everything they could to keep us under their thumbs. I can't even remember a lot of my childhood so I think I've blanked much of it out, I know some violence was involved too but I'm not sure how much. Both my brothers and I have all suffered depression because of this treatment. Because they are so convincing, they had me feeling it was all my fault.
Damn, that's horrible. Condolences.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
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