Islamic Jokes

[JesusHChrist]

[Davka]

Q: What do you call a white Cadillac full of white kids?
A: White power.

Q: What do you call a black Cadillac full of black kids?
A: Black power.

Q: What do you call a brown Cadillac full of Pakistani kids?
A: Grand Theft Auto.

[robvalue]

What do you call a Muslim radical who walks into a room full of dead innocent women and children?

Late for work.

[Cyberman]

Critically, the London bombing scored better than the WTC attack. That only got 9/11; ours was 7/7.

[Minimalist]

A Muslim dies and finds himself in front of St Peter at the gates of heaven.

"Hey, what's going on here? Where am I?" he asks St Peter.

"Welcome to the afterlife," St Peter replies.

"No, no this isn't right. I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed, right away."

"Would you like a cappuccino?" asks St Peter.

"No! I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed," replies the Muslim.

"Well, you can talk to Jesus if you want," says St Peter, and goes off to find him.

"Jesus, I don't understand what's going on here," the Muslim says. "I want to speak to the prophet Mohammed."

"Would you like a cappuccino?"

"No, I want to speak to the prophet! Now."

"Well, you can talk to God if you like", says Jesus.

This appears acceptable to the Muslim and off they go. Jesus lets the Muslim into a big room and leaves him. After a few moments there is a puff of smoke and God appears.

"Yes, what seems to be the problem here?" booms God.

The Muslim is very worked up by now. "Look, I don't get what's happened here, I want to talk to the prophet Mohammed!"

"Would you like a cappuccino?"

"Okay, okay," says the Muslim, "I'll have a fucking cappuccino - now will someone please let me speak to the prophet Mohammed."

"Two cappuccinos, Mohammed," says God.

[Forsaken]

An Arab was being interviewed at a US checkpoint.
"Your name please?"

Abdul Aziz

“Sex?”

Six times a week!

“No, no, I mean male or female.”

Doesn’t matters, sometimes even goat or camel.

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A little girl is standing on top of a cliff, looking down at the sea and crying her eyes out.
A Muslim cleric approaches and says, "My child, why are you so upset?"
The little girl turns to him and says, "My mommy and daddy were in their car - and it just rolled over the cliff and smashed on the rocks down there."
The imam slowly looks around him, lifts his robe and while unraveling his loincloth says, "It's just not your day, is it?"

[Minimalist]

8 year old Mohammad entered his classroom on the first day of school.
"What's your name?", asked the teacher.
"Mohammad," he replied.
"You're in Ireland now," replied the teacher. "So from now on you will be known as Mike."
Mohammad returned home after school.
"How was your day, Mohammad?", his mother asked.
"My name is not Mohammad. I'm in Ireland and now my name is Mike."
"Are you ashamed of your name? Are you trying to dishonor your parents, your heritage, your religion? Shame on you!" And his mother beat him.
Then she called his father, who beat him again.
The next day Mohammad returned to school. The teacher saw all of his bruises.
"What happened to you, Mike?", she asked.
"Well shortly after becoming an Irishman, I was attacked by two fucking Arabs."

[robvalue]

Dammit, I can't think of anything funny right now. So I'll just say Allah is a dickwipe.

[JesusHChrist]

If you burn a Koran, a Muslim may burn your house down.

Joke's on him - my house is full of Korans.

[Norman Humann]

I phoned the Islamic Samaritans today.

When I said I was feeling suicidal they got all excited and asked if I knew how to fly a plane.