Need to Vent - Thanks Religious Assholes

[Excited Penguin]

We always blame our parents for stuff(hell, I've probably got even more legit shit to blame them for than anyone around here - I think so, at least, but that's too personal to share and find out) but in the end we've got to aknowledge that they're every bit as human as we are and so liable to be imperfect. Not everyone was cut to be the perfect dad or the perfect mom. People are inevitably constrained within their own egos fuelled by their different experiences and genetical makeups. Remember that when you assign too much blame on a man who probably sees the world a whole lot different than you do and probably isn't able to comprehend what he's putting you through or how bad it really is. You should look at it from a more detached point of view, you know what I mean?

If there's anything I know it's that people like us, traumatized to however small a degree by the people they loved the most and especially in the earliest parts of their lives, tend to grow uncanny knacks useful in life. We are stronger for what we went through and are thus able to see through much more bullshit than the average type can. We can also be more sympathetic to people for that same reason. That doesn't mean we're all the same, just that we have the same pure intentions in the end- where people are concerned- because we already know what it is to have your trust betrayed or to witness bad behaviour, hypocrisy in an authority figure and so on.

I guess what I'm saying is stay strong and know that you're good. Don't let your unhappy circumstances break you. Life only is and will forever be what you make of it. Attitude matters. So stay brave.

[MTL]

I don't mean to be obnoxious by giving out advice when it wasn't asked-for.
I simply wanted to share my experience, and if it helps you, terrific.
Perhaps you have already said something better than what I said.

Not obnoxious at all MTL, that was awesome!. Right now, I just want to break all communication with him. It’s been 4.5 days, and I got out of the house more today (as much as I could with the mild flare-up going on), and it helped take my mind off the whole situation for a little while; it was nice. I also sat outside and looked at the stars for about an half hour, it really relieved some of stress. It was very quiet, and peaceful. I completely got lost in it, it was great. And, please feel free to share more if it helps you.

ok, I'm glad I didn't upset you further.  Sounds like you are good at mitigating stress,
which is a tool not everyone has, or values properly.

Watching the stars always puts things into perspective, doesn't it?  It's a cliché, but it's so true.

[Salacious B. Crumb]

---

I’m not the type to publicly put up a story complaining (unless its a brief sentence), but since there are overtones in religion in this, I felt it may be worth mentioning, and may help explain to some people PMing me a why I may not respond for a little bit. I may be on and off here for a few days to a week, but here it goes.

I’ve been having problems with my dad most of my life (he can’t get along with anyone that he’s close to). I’ve basically been bullied, along with my family into keeping my mouth shut, unless I wanted a huge fight with repercussions with this ‘person’.

He is a total narcissist, and always gets his way with practically everything, and if he doesn’t, you’ll never hear the end of it. He’s always whining, always complaining, always being negative, and isn’t happy unless he’s in a fight with someone, he’s never wrong, and he knows everything, and if it’s not his radical way of thinking, he’s going to want to have a problem with you. When I was younger, he loved to tell embarrassing things about me to other people that we were just meeting. And, his hypocrisy is through the roof, especially with our last fight. There’s a million examples of that too, like the forgive and forget one, that he loves to say, but feels the need to bring up things people have apologized for in the past over and over again decades ago. I can write for days on end about him, but I’ll just leave it at that for now. I felt I’ve been living at my last straw for about 7-8 years now, and don’t know how I made it through this much of my life. I feel the only reason I’m alive is the crazy amount of love I have for the closest 3 people in my life, and that I know they have for me.

We’ve had many of these fights where he talks 99.9% of the time, and just vents on how hard he has it, although he hasn’t worked in I don’t know how many years, and has practically nothing to be angry at. He should be insanely grateful to his wife, that she didn’t just pack up and leave him. In these recurring fights, he’s known for years how nervous he’s made me, and how many panic attacks and ulcerative colitis flare-ups he’s given me, but still seems to be all over me. There’s many things that he wants to fight about, but won’t drop THE FUCKING RELIGION FAIRY TALE BULLSHIT! After making it kindly known that I don’t believe in it, he still insists I’m the reason why the house has fallen apart (although it was like that when we were all going to church and devout), and that there are problems in it all the time. I felt like I was going to have a heart attack, I packed up a duffel bag in 20 minutes on Sunday, and my grandma picked me up, and now I’m at her house recovering. I’m starting to having a mild flare-up because of him, and my heart rate still hasn’t fully gone down.

I’ve been completely ignoring his, “Let’s just move on, and forget what happened” texts the past few days. I know by now that he’s never going to change, and when I feel a little better I’m desperately going to try to get out of the city and get a job I’m capable of doing. It’s hard because I have back and knee issues, and I’m in therapy for them now as well, and can’t really do labor or stand all day. I also feel sick nearly all the time in this city, because of allergies (which most people think is a joke, but not in my case exactly), so that’s why I feel I need to leave these desert cities with an amazing amount of dust, dirt, and pollen. I felt like I was a new person closer to the beach.

I’m a kind and laid-back person, despite how I may be perceived at times. I may not have been on here, if I didn’t see firsthand what religion is capable of doing. It drives me nuts how people’s beliefs become their identity, and how it becomes the most important thing in their lives. If you’re lying, dodging, or completely full of shit on here, I’m going to call you out, (or I’ll let someone else do it, there’s plenty ready to correct your lying asses) although nothing needs to be said to most of the people on here, you guys have been great. My dad cares more about me believing in what he believes, than me as a person, whether he realizes it or not.. I just can’t take it anymore, and don’t have plans to ever move back in under his roof for any extended period of time. I can’t entirely blame this on religion, because that’s how he is as a person (but didn’t seem to be this type of person until he became “devout” and politically involved about 15 years ago), but see what religion can do? See how evil it can be, and how it can cause people to think? From the millions and millions of these daily experiences, to people killing themselves because they're gay and can't cope with living with people that aren't in reality, all the way to terrorism. Religion, unless kept to oneself, WILL BE detrimental to someone in your life. Thanks for listening and your help. I don’t want to complain, but I feel the need to get some of this off of my chest.

---

Sorry to hear about your dad, Crumb.   

Reminds me of my first step-dad, always had to be right and his favorite thing to say was "It's between you and god, I'm washing my hands of it."

He was so controlling, and violent to boot in my teenage years, that I still struggle with certain aspects of my life that he always harped on. 

Best thing I ever did was completely cut ties with him when my mom finally gave him the boot, and I've never looked back.

Yeah, it sucks, sorry for you having to deal with it as well. Yeah, he loves those guilt trip phrases like that too. He loved to threaten me with hell when I was in my early teens, and as Kev said, I wasn’t a troublemaker. I was good in school, I wouldn’t get detention, I always came back at my curfew time, never got into fights, never vandalized anything, but I’ve done drugs a dozen or two times in my life when I was younger. I liked to have fun with my friends on the weekend and smoke hookah, have some drinks, act like my goofy happy-go-lucky self, but always tried to be responsible with it. My brother and I were very well-behaved. We definitely would have arguments or had times when I hurt him probably from when I was 9-13 years old, but after seeing how all my friends treated their siblings, I definitely considered myself a pretty good kid after watching many of these people constantly trying to start fights, constantly fighting, and have fist fights with each other.

I’m sure my mom hasn’t given him the boot, because of the severe guilt put on her by my father and how she’d made a promise to him before god, and her own pure love for us having to endure this ongoing hardship just to keep us fed and sheltered.

[Salacious B. Crumb]

We always blame our parents for stuff(hell, I've probably got even more legit shit to blame them for than anyone around here - I think so, at least, but that's too personal to share and find out) but in the end we've got to aknowledge that they're every bit as human as we are and so liable to be imperfect. Not everyone was cut to be the perfect dad or the perfect mom. People are inevitably constrained within their own egos fuelled by their different experiences and genetical makeups. Remember that when you assign too much blame on a man who probably sees the world a whole lot different than you do and probably isn't able to comprehend what he's putting you through or how bad it really is. You should look at it from a more detached point of view, you know what I mean?

If there's anything I know it's that people like us, traumatized to however small a degree by the people they loved the most and especially in the earliest parts of their lives, tend to grow uncanny knacks useful in life. We are stronger for what we went through and are thus able to see through much more bullshit than the average type can. We can also be more sympathetic to people for that same reason. That doesn't mean we're all the same, just that we have the same pure intentions in the end- where people are concerned- because we already know what it is to have your trust betrayed or to witness bad behaviour, hypocrisy in an authority figure and so on.

I guess what I'm saying is stay strong and know that you're good. Don't let your unhappy circumstances break you. Life only is and will forever be what you make of it. Attitude matters. So stay brave.

I disagree at the beginning, I don’t always blame my parents for stuff. My dad doesn’t deserve a human being in his vicinity for the shit he’s put his family through. I’m trying to move on with my life, and I'm going to try to not dwell on it as time moves on, but I feel it can be helpful to talk about it right now, and share stories with each other.

I’ve tried hundreds and hundreds of times to understand where he was coming from, and gave him so many chances that he didn’t deserve. I saw how he was, I saw how he viewed the world, and why he thinks the way he does, so I understand your question in the first paragraph there. I tried every way I could to keep repeating to myself things like that, “Just let it roll off of you, he doesn’t realize what he’s saying.” “That’s just the way he is, and he can’t help it.” and many other things like that. But, there’s a certain point where you see you’re family in tears for the nth time trying to explain how much they’re being hurt by this human being, and still, after much agony and effort, he doesn’t seem to care. He responds by yelling at us, explaining how he’s under more stress than anyone else here, when he doesn’t do jackshit. It's ALWAYS a comparing game to him, he doesn't want to hear what you're going through, it's all about him. He responds with things completely ignoring everything we’re saying, and brings up the past with some vacations or taking us out to dinner or buying us presents for christmas. It seems, relationships are about favors with money to him. He can buy someone off, then he has an excuse to be as big of a dick as he wants. There’s always some fucked up justification in his arsenal for his fallacious arguments.

I’d rather have someone that never takes me anywhere, never wants to spend a dime on me ever, but wants to spend quality time with me, and making me feel loved. I want someone that will make me feel good for the most part. Believe me, I’m not asking for perfection in every relationship I’m in, but when there’s more negativity in it than positivity, and he doesn’t want to make it better, it’s time to say, “Have a good one, and good luck in your future relationships.”

[Salacious B. Crumb]

Not obnoxious at all MTL, that was awesome!. Right now, I just want to break all communication with him. It’s been 4.5 days, and I got out of the house more today (as much as I could with the mild flare-up going on), and it helped take my mind off the whole situation for a little while; it was nice. I also sat outside and looked at the stars for about an half hour, it really relieved some of stress. It was very quiet, and peaceful. I completely got lost in it, it was great. And, please feel free to share more if it helps you.

ok, I'm glad I didn't upset you further.  Sounds like you are good at mitigating stress,
which is a tool not everyone has, or values properly.

Watching the stars always puts things into perspective, doesn't it?  It's a cliché, but it's so true.

It’s soothing, and it lets your mind wonder, hence it takes your mind of off the negative things going on around you. Just like after a hike and looking down at the view, or being near a waterfall, or sitting in front of the ocean during a sunset. Yes, it can help put things in perspective.

[Excited Penguin]

We always blame our parents for stuff(hell, I've probably got even more legit shit to blame them for than anyone around here - I think so, at least, but that's too personal to share and find out) but in the end we've got to aknowledge that they're every bit as human as we are and so liable to be imperfect. Not everyone was cut to be the perfect dad or the perfect mom. People are inevitably constrained within their own egos fuelled by their different experiences and genetical makeups. Remember that when you assign too much blame on a man who probably sees the world a whole lot different than you do and probably isn't able to comprehend what he's putting you through or how bad it really is. You should look at it from a more detached point of view, you know what I mean?

If there's anything I know it's that people like us, traumatized to however small a degree by the people they loved the most and especially in the earliest parts of their lives, tend to grow uncanny knacks useful in life. We are stronger for what we went through and are thus able to see through much more bullshit than the average type can. We can also be more sympathetic to people for that same reason. That doesn't mean we're all the same, just that we have the same pure intentions in the end- where people are concerned- because we already know what it is to have your trust betrayed or to witness bad behaviour, hypocrisy in an authority figure and so on.

I guess what I'm saying is stay strong and know that you're good. Don't let your unhappy circumstances break you. Life only is and will forever be what you make of it. Attitude matters. So stay brave.

I disagree at the beginning, I don’t always blame my parents for stuff. My dad doesn’t deserve a human being in his vicinity for the shit he’s put his family through. I’m trying to move on with my life, and I'm going to try to not dwell on it as time moves on, but I feel it can be helpful to talk about it right now, and share stories with each other.

I’ve tried hundreds and hundreds of times to understand where he was coming from, and gave him so many chances that he didn’t deserve. I saw how he was, I saw how he viewed the world, and why he thinks the way he does, so I understand your question in the first paragraph there. I tried every way I could to keep repeating to myself things like that, “Just let it roll off of you, he doesn’t realize what he’s saying.” “That’s just the way he is, and he can’t help it.” and many other things like that. But, there’s a certain point where you see you’re family in tears for the nth time trying to explain how much they’re being hurt by this human being, and still, after much agony and effort, he doesn’t seem to care. He responds by yelling at us, explaining how he’s under more stress than anyone else here, when he doesn’t do jackshit. It's ALWAYS a comparing game to him, he doesn't want to hear what you're going through, it's all about him. He responds with things completely ignoring everything we’re saying, and brings up the past with some vacations or taking us out to dinner or buying us presents for christmas. It seems, relationships are about favors with money to him. He can buy someone off, then he has an excuse to be as big of a dick as he wants. There’s always some fucked up justification in his arsenal for his fallacious arguments.

I’d rather have someone that never takes me anywhere, never wants to spend a dime on me ever, but wants to spend quality time with me, and making me feel loved. I want someone that will make me feel good for the most part. Believe me, I’m not asking for perfection in every relationship I’m in, but when there’s more negativity in it than positivity, and he doesn’t want to make it better, it’s time to say, “Have a good one, and good luck in your future relationships.”

You didn't get what I said at all. To be honest, not sure how you could've missed it. I get the impression though that you're more interested in whining than doing anything about it.

[Salacious B. Crumb]

You didn't get what I said at all. To be honest, not sure how you could've missed it. I get the impression though that you're more interested in whining than doing anything about it.

So, you bring it to my attention that I missed your point, then you don’t tell me what it is, then you make it known that it was incredibly obvious.

Why don’t you and your assholian personality kindly leave, and go to another thread.

Thanks.

[Excited Penguin]

You didn't get what I said at all. To be honest, not sure how you could've missed it. I get the impression though that you're more interested in whining than doing anything about it.

So, you bring it to my attention that I missed your point, then you don’t tell me what it is, then you make it known that it was incredibly obvious.

Why don’t you and your assholian personality kindly leave, and go to another thread.

Thanks.

You either rely on your father and therefore need to put up with his personality for the time being or you don't and you make yourself suffer needlessly. Either way crying about it won't change a thing. Your father is who he is and I perfectly understand where you're coming from because of my personal experience, but you need to actively seek solutions instead of destroying your health with him. My encouragements stand as they are but they are not enough. I get the feeling that you're way too confortable with merely wallowing in self-pity(so to speak).

Also, your problems are trivial - don't blow them out of proportion. Life is harsh and some people are difficult to live with. Big deal. Get over yourself and try to find a sollution. There is no such thing as unconditional happiness.

[rexbeccarox]

So, you bring it to my attention that I missed your point, then you don’t tell me what it is, then you make it known that it was incredibly obvious.

Why don’t you and your assholian personality kindly leave, and go to another thread.

Thanks.

You either rely on your father and therefore need to put up with his personality for the time being or you don't and you make yourself suffer needlessly. Either way crying about it won't change a thing. Your father is who he is and I perfectly understand where you're coming from because of my personal experience, but you need to actively seek solutions instead of destroying your health with him. My encouragements stand as they are but they are not enough. I get the feeling that you're way too confortable with merely wallowing in self-pity(so to speak).

Also, your problems are trivial - don't blow them out of proportion. Life is harsh and some people are difficult to live with. Big deal. Get over yourself and try to find a sollution. There is no such thing as unconditional happiness.

Where do you get that he's not doing everything you've suggested?

[robvalue]

I'm in the same position Crumb, I was pretty much a model son, but it was never good enough. In the end, it was my father's desire to control me which took over from his desire to see me succeed.