what are they teaching in seminaries these days?

[Longhorn]

Oh please. The contents and even divinity of Jesus were decided by fucking majority vote in the fourth fucking century. What interpretation? What times it was written? 16 gospels and several other books were thrown out despite still being referenced by the current ones, and the decision what is and isn't divinely inspired was based on what people liked to hear and a fucking show of hands. That book is a joke.

[Mr Greene]

3 gospels mention the origin of Jesus;

1st says he wasn't born in Bethlehem.

2nd gave the story with Herod including a census that didn't take place during his term of office, and was blatantly written to cover OT prophesies.

3rd went completely OTT and ripped off just about every mythology from the middle East and Eastern Med with virgin births, shepherds, wise men, supernatual messengers and barely stopped short of a song & dance routine.

[Crossless2.0]

Oh please. The contents and even divinity of Jesus were decided by fucking majority vote in the fourth fucking century. What interpretation? What times it was written? 16 gospels and several other books were thrown out despite still being referenced by the current ones, and the decision what is and isn't divinely inspired was based on what people liked to hear and a fucking show of hands. That book is a joke.

But they said their vote was guided by the Holy Spirit! Why can't you believe that? After all, it's not like they had anything to gain by lying about it.

What next? The Gospel authors had agendas? The Exodus likely didn't happen? David and Solomon were tin horn kings in a backwater shit hole? Where does it all end, Neimeovic?

Repeat after me: "The Bible says it. I believe it. That settles it." Lather, rinse, repeat about a thousand times until you get your mind right. Then join us after the service. There will be prayer and waffles.

[Minimalist]

In Jesus Interrupted, Bart Ehrman actually gives a discussion of what is taught to seminarians.

These are among the many, many questions raised by the historical critical
method. No wonder entering seminarians have to prepare for
“baby Bible” exams even before they could begin a serious study of
the Bible. This kind of study presupposes that you know what you’re
talking about before you start talking about it.
A very large percentage of seminarians are completely blind-sided
by the historical-critical method. They come in with the expectation
of learning the pious truths of the Bible so that they can pass
them along in their sermons, as their own pastors have done for
them. Nothing prepares them for historical criticism. To their surprise
they learn, instead of material for sermons, all the results of
what historical critics have established on the basis of centuries of
research. The Bible is filled with discrepancies, many of them irreconcilable
contradictions. Moses did not write the Pentateuch (the
first five books of the Old Testament) and Matthew, Mark, Luke,
and John did not write the Gospels. There are other books that did
not make it into the Bible that at one time or another were considered
canonical—other Gospels, for example, allegedly written by
Jesus’ followers Peter, Thomas, and Mary. The Exodus probably did
not happen as described in the Old Testament. The conquest of the
Promised Land is probably based on legend. The Gospels are at odds
on numerous points and contain non historical material. It is hard
to know whether Moses ever existed and what, exactly, the historical
Jesus taught. The historical narratives of the Old Testament are
filled with legendary fabrications and the book of Acts in the New
Testament contains historically unreliable information about the
life and teachings of Paul. Many of the books of the New Testament
are pseudonymous—written not by the apostles but by later writers
claiming to be apostles. The list goes on.

pgs 5-6

Think of some of the dumber xristards we have around here and imagine how they'd react to sitting down in one of these classes.

There'd be shit on every fan in the building!

[Crossless2.0]

Think of some of the dumber xristards we have around here and imagine how they'd react to sitting down in one of these classes.

Better yet, imagine a few of our more special specimens actually trying to argue with the professors over some of this stuff.

"B-b-but . . . the serpent had legs! Otherwise why would God have cursed it to crawl on its belly?"

And thus would one of the timeless riddles of existence be answered: what is the sound of one brain cell firing while twenty jaws hit the ground?