Silly things you misunderstood about religion as a child

[brewer]

I pictured god was a man wearing a white robe looking like he's in his 50-60's and floats in outer space while sitting on a rug.

50's or 60's? Was he bronze and buff looking, or old, haggard, wrinkled with unkempt white hair and beard?

[brewer]

There was a magic bunny that shit decorated and chocolate eggs in the spring who had just come from a tropical island with palm fronds.

[strawberryBacteria]

I pictured god was a man wearing a white robe looking like he's in his 50-60's and floats in outer space while sitting on a rug.

50's or 60's? Was he bronze and buff looking, or old, haggard, wrinkled with unkempt white hair and beard?

Black hair, no beard, wearing some kind of a white turban and and look a bit tanned

[vorlon13]

We attended a church that was outside of our school district, so I didn't know the religions of any of my classmates at school. I think I was in junior high before I realized we had a catholic girl in our class, I thought they all went to parochial schools in the city (even further away).

I was aware our church taught all the other churches were doing it wrong, took me a while to realize they were doing it wrong too.

We had a few school teachers attend our church, but none of them worked in the school district I attended and I was REALLY happy about that since I thought it would be really weird to ever see a school teacher on the weekend.

[MTL]

I believed that one day Rapture would happen, and I'd be standing there watching the clothes of better people than me go limp and fall into a pile, them being lifted into Heaven, as I realized I wasn't saved.

I really believed this, and it scared the shit out of me.

yes, I had a version of this, too!

[Cyberman]

Don't think I actually had any understandings of any kind about religion as a kid; I was generally more concerned with how fast I could ride my Chopper (NB: that was a model of bike in the 70s - I know what you were thinking!)

However, the great atheist comedian Dave Allen once told of a misunderstanding at a funeral as a child. He thought the priest was saying "in the name of the father, the son and into the hole he goes" ("I saw him - he went in the hole!")

[MTL]

I thought that Jesus literally lived in my heart when I was about 5 or 6.

I definitely had this one...that drawing of Jesus in the atrium of the heart....that was EXACTLY how I pictured it, too!

this ties into a post I left on another thread...

WARNING:

this is kind of heavy and a bit of a downer,
so feel free to skip this part:

---

A  while back, when I was in the throes of letting go of the last shreds of my faith,
I hit my rock bottom one night...things were bad, in my family, and I had been wrestling with personal issues.
Finally I broke down and wept, prostrated myself before god,
admitted I had no faith left, begged His forgiveness and mercy, and begged for faith and illumination.

This is the point where most Theists would tell you that they fell asleep and had a dream about a great peace and serenity and a voice telling them to "Be not afraid, for I am with you", or something.

I had just the opposite.

I had taken my leap of faith, I relinquished all my pride and reason, and threw myself on God's mercy.

That night, I dreamt normally, until just before dawn.

Then suddenly my nondescript dreams shifted,
and became very visceral:

I still slept, but I dreamt I had opened my eyes, and looked around my room,
and in my dream, my room looked exactly as it would have looked IRL at that hour,
the first cracks of light around the drapes.

I dreamt I felt a cutting sensation in my chest, coming from within.

It was cold and hot at the same time, a searing sensation.

A fissure suddenly opened in my chest, a faint light emanated from within,
and very quickly, a glowing, bluish mist slipped outward and upward, and was gone in a second.
But in that split-second, a face appeared in the mist, and looked, knowingly, right at me.
I knew instantly it was Jesus.
His face was alert and conscious, but expressionless.

And he left me.

The fissure in my chest was hollow and dark.

I woke, and of course my hand flew to my chest, which of course was fine.

I sat up and thought it over.

Certainly it was a disquieting dream,
but the last vestiges of my Christianity left me.

The reasoning part of me realizes, of course, that this dream was my subconscious
telling me I am too old for this nonsense and I don't need it anymore.

But what I would point out to Theists, is this:

If your Jesus really exists, and really is who He SAYS that He is,
why in the world,
when someone has no pride left, no hope left, nothing...

...but pleads for His forgiveness and His guidance...

...why, contrary to everything the Bible says,

would Jesus respond to my plea by allowing me to have a dream of His leaving me,

...unless that is really what He was doing?

In other words,

even if you, as a Theist, think that this was my unrepentant brain
causing me to have a dream about Jesus,
that wasn't really Jesus,

...then why, after begging for faith, begging for mercy,
would he ALLOW my brain to have a dream like that???
Of being consciously abandoned by Him?

It can mean only one of two things:

1.  There is no such thing as Jesus,
(and therefore no-one to prevent my brain from producing a dream like that, on its own)
...and I'm right to put away such childish things.

2.  There IS a Jesus, but He is a LIAR and does NOT love me.

---

[drfuzzy]

I came home one day and found nobody home.  I ran to all the neighbor's houses, nobody was there either.  I was sure the Rapture had happened and I had been left behind.  When my Mother and brother came home from the store, I was hiding in my closet.  

Of course, I also believed that if I just prayed hard enough, God would make everything better and I would practically have a halo.

Yeah, I was a brainwashed little idiot.  Those beliefs didn't really start to die until I was in my 30's.

[Whateverist]

Pretty much all of it.

[Longhorn]

At the age of 4 or 5 I thought the only difference between heaven and hell was temperature. True story ._.
Aaaaand I thought Jesus was the bad guy.....come to think of it, I actually got that one right