My heart is breaking... I thought Christians are suppose to love "unconditionally"

[kmthang]

I've been a strong christian for most of my life but until two months ago. I have my reasons for becoming an atheist but I swear that I don't hate 'God' or any gods. It's just that I feel I've matured in seeing how the world works. Anyways. I've been dating with my gf for almost 4 years now. She's still a believer. Even though I turned to an atheist I still keep a lot of wisdoms and lessons I learned from the Bible.  I consider myself a kind, humble, nice, funny, non-judgmental. The very last time I met with my gf, she didn't kiss me anymore. She didn't even want to touch me anymore... or even had a hard time letting me hold her hand. This really broke my heart even though I didn't tell her.

I've always thought Christians are suppose to be able to learn "unconditionally" no matter what their partner suddenly believes in as long as he doesn't become violent or abusive or try to force something they don't want to do. In our case, all I want from her is to respect my lack of belief. I don't force her to become an atheist either (mostly because I don't think she'll understand the phrases I'd use to even explain her what caused my decision. She's not as smart as me (I'm not that smart either) but I love her for who she is. I'd love her no matter how she looks fat/skinny, sick... Even if she becomes a different religion I'll still love her but... this change that she showed me really broke my heart. As I write this, I can feel our almost-4 years relationship is coming to an end. She's my first relationship (not first crush/love).

It's hard for me to ask her any much more questions as I fear it'll speed up this ending process. If you're a female and your bf becomes an atheist (friendly), what do you want from him to keep your relationship besides forcing him to be a believer again?

What are my options? Give me some ideas...

I just can't imagine living a life without seeing her beautiful face smiling for me but for someone else :'(



Thanks

[drfuzzy]

There are very few xtians who will partner with an atheist.  The xtian belief system teaches that atheists will burn in hell for all eternity.  If your GF believes that, then she would constantly have to try to bring you back into the xtian fold, to save you from her god's eternal judgment for not believing he exists.  If she rejects you for your lack of belief, then it's not going to work.

My personal experience of xtian "unconditional love" is that it only applies to xtians who believe exactly the same things they do.  Everybody else on the planet can burn.

[Wyrd of Gawd]

I've been a strong christian for most of my life but until two months ago. I have my reasons for becoming an atheist but I swear that I don't hate 'God' or any gods. It's just that I feel I've matured in seeing how the world works. Anyways. I've been dating with my gf for almost 4 years now. She's still a believer. Even though I turned to an atheist I still keep a lot of wisdoms and lessons I learned from the Bible.  I consider myself a kind, humble, nice, funny, non-judgmental. The very last time I met with my gf, she didn't kiss me anymore. She didn't even want to touch me anymore... or even had a hard time letting me hold her hand. This really broke my heart even though I didn't tell her.

I've always thought Christians are suppose to be able to learn "unconditionally" no matter what their partner suddenly believes in as long as he doesn't become violent or abusive or try to force something they don't want to do. In our case, all I want from her is to respect my lack of belief. I don't force her to become an atheist either (mostly because I don't think she'll understand the phrases I'd use to even explain her what caused my decision. She's not as smart as me (I'm not that smart either) but I love her for who she is. I'd love her no matter how she looks fat/skinny, sick... Even if she becomes a different religion I'll still love her but... this change that she showed me really broke my heart. As I write this, I can feel our almost-4 years relationship is coming to an end. She's my first relationship (not first crush/love).

It's hard for me to ask her any much more questions as I fear it'll speed up this ending process. If you're a female and your bf becomes an atheist (friendly), what do you want from him to keep your relationship besides forcing him to be a believer again?

What are my options? Give me some ideas...

I just can't imagine living a life without seeing her beautiful face smiling for me but for someone else :'(



Thanks

Consider yourself lucky.  You don't have to go through a divorce and lose most of your stuff.  The longer you whine about her the longer you will be unhappy.  So forget her and move on to someone better.  There are millions available.  So bury the relationship and start looking.

[Chad32]

This is the religion that says your enemies will be the members of your own household, and their lord and savior once blew off his own mother because he was busy talking to his followers.

Your new family and friends are people within the same religious group. Anyone else is an outsider. Granted Jesus did talk to non christians, but he didn't live with them.

[JesusHChrist]

OP, as hard as it may seem, you have dodged a bullet. I was married to Christian for a long time (25 years or so, I forget), and things were OK as long as I kept my thoughts to myself. After 9/11, that was no longer possible.

Most believers can't handle any mean talk about their Sky Daddy or BFF Jesus. And any critical thinking is mean. Very mean indeed.

Now, I have an atheist GF and she is awesome. Highly recommend finding one.

[kmthang]

There are very few xtians who will partner with an atheist.  The xtian belief system teaches that atheists will burn in hell for all eternity.  If your GF believes that, then she would constantly have to try to bring you back into the xtian fold, to save you from her god's eternal judgment for not believing he exists.  If she rejects you for your lack of belief, then it's not going to work.

My personal experience of xtian "unconditional love" is that it only applies to xtians who believe exactly the same things they do.  Everybody else on the planet can burn.

I've never thought of it that way.   I thought love means love and not only to the same believers as you are :/

Consider yourself lucky.  You don't have to go through a divorce and lose most of your stuff.  The longer you whine about her the longer you will be unhappy.  So forget her and move on to someone better.  There are millions available.  So bury the relationship and start looking.

I can understand your advice. I am still lucky to be in this stage now than later. However, she's not one of those who knows the Bible inside out or one that goes out on missions and preach the gospel. She admits she's consider herself not a strong believer yet. That's why I want to hope that she can be one of those wives with non-believer husbands (which they exist, she and I even know a family in our community). This gives me hope. If she can be like that lady, it'll be the greatest solution for me but I need ideas how to get her to be like that.

[Joods]

I've been a strong christian for most of my life but until two months ago. I have my reasons for becoming an atheist but I swear that I don't hate 'God' or any gods.

Atheists don't "hate" gods. As an atheist, I find it hard to hate something that doesn't exist.

Even though I turned to an atheist I still keep a lot of wisdoms and lessons I learned from the Bible.  I consider myself a kind, humble, nice, funny, non-judgmental.

You can be all of those things without religious involvement.

The very last time I met with my gf, she didn't kiss me anymore. She didn't even want to touch me anymore... or even had a hard time letting me hold her hand. This really broke my heart even though I didn't tell her.

Are you sure she isn't cheating? This could be a sign of that. If not, then her judgemental attitude towards you isn't going to change.

In our case, all I want from her is to respect my lack of belief.

Good luck with that. Many Christians think we are the spawn of Satan, even though he, too, is imaginary. Her pushing you away is a strong indicator of her disapproval of your awakening to the falsehood of religion.

If you're a female and your bf becomes an atheist (friendly), what do you want from him to keep your relationship besides forcing him to be a believer again?

What are my options? Give me some ideas...

I just can't imagine living a life without seeing her beautiful face smiling for me but for someone else :'(

Thanks

She can no more force you to believe than you can force her to not believe. At the end of the day, you have to decide whether or not being with a believer is going to be more problematic than not. Your own mental health is worth far more than what you'll ever get out of being in a relationship with someone who doesn't share the same views about religion as you do. If constant questioning and mental mind fuckery caused by the differences in your views is what you want, by all means, keep trying. If not, start looking for greener pastures my friend.

I don't know your age, but if this is your first serious relationship, use the experience and knowledge you've gained from it and look for someone who's views align more closely with your own.

[robvalue]

Hello, welcome to the forums

I'm very sorry to hear what has happened. Sadly it's not the first time I've heard this, it's quite common. Religion can be incredibly divisive and people are cast out of families for daring to disagree, and people like yourself distanced because of a lack of religious belief.

Based on what you've said, it sounds like religion is more important to her than human relationships. If that is the case, then I agree with the others that you've dodged a bullet finding this out (relatively) early.

Just maybe if she calms down for a bit she'll reconsider. All I could suggest is frankly talking it all through with her, cards on the table. If she can't handle you being an atheist, then really that's all there is to it.

Again, my sympathies

[Minimalist]

She loves fantasy more than reality.  There is nothing you can do with such a person.  Be happy you learned about this personality flaw before you married her.

[Hmmm?]

There are very few xtians who will partner with an atheist.  The xtian belief system teaches that atheists will burn in hell for all eternity.  If your GF believes that, then she would constantly have to try to bring you back into the xtian fold, to save you from her god's eternal judgment for not believing he exists.  If she rejects you for your lack of belief, then it's not going to work.

My personal experience of xtian "unconditional love" is that it only applies to xtians who believe exactly the same things they do.  Everybody else on the planet can burn.

I've never thought of it that way.   I thought love means love and not only to the same believers as you are :/

2Co 6:14 Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers: for what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness? and what communion hath light with darkness?

There's your problem.

My heart goes out to you, tragic, truly tragic.