How honest should parents be?

[Edwardo Piet]

Yes there are many exceptions.

Also sometimes apologies I think can just be a social and politeness thing.

[Excited Penguin]

You guys are missing the point. Apologies don't make any sense at all in and of themselves. They convey nothing. If you need to tell a person you won't wrong them in a similar manner in the future, that's fine, but call it that and leave it at that. There's nothing else you should or could tell them if you wrong them. I think the term apology, as it is right now, means some other things as well, demeaning and unrequired things that we accept because of tradition, not reason.

[Edwardo Piet]

Social skills are cool.

[Losty]

You guys are missing the point. Apologies don't make any sense at all in and of themselves. They convey nothing. If you need to tell a person you won't wrong them in a similar manner in the future, that's fine, but call it that and leave it at that. There's nothing else you should or could tell them if you wrong them. I think the term apology, as it is right now, means some other things as well, demeaning and unrequired things that we accept because of tradition, not reason.

I was telling you that I feel regret and remorse for how I treated you. I was telling you that I don't feel that you deserved such treatment. That's my apology. That's what it's meant for whatever that's worth. I can't promise it won't happen again. I'm only human.

[Excited Penguin]

Yes, losty, but you don't have to do that with me. I'm able to read between the lines just fine. Not everyone needs an apology to get over things. I appreciate the gesture, but can't say it was required or that it changed anything.

[Edwardo Piet]

The gesture was indeed nice, Losty just cares a lot. Required or not, it was nice of her.

[Excited Penguin]

The gesture was indeed nice, Losty just cares a lot. Required or not, it was nice of her.

Yes, I appreciate it, but can't accept it on rational grounds.

[Edwardo Piet]

So basically: Parents should be honest either always or almost always and lying from omission until the children are ready to know something is preferable to outright lies if lies are actually ever required.

/thread

[robvalue]

I think there are some things a parent should never give an honest answer to, even if they are specifically asked. Whether the response should be a lie, or simply to state that it's not an appropriate question, I'm not sure about.

An example would be, "Who do you love more, me or my brother?"

My mother (used to) just say she loves us all the same. I can see this is in some way the "correct" response, but it is exceedingly unlikely to be true. I suppose it can be true in a sense, but not in the sense that it is being asked. It is essentially a lie, but if instead you're told it's not an appropriate question, it's kind of an admission that there is a favourite. So I really don't know what would be best there.

My father on the other hand had no problem saying who was his favourite.

[henryp]

I think there are some things a parent should never give an honest answer to, even if they are specifically asked. Whether the response should be a lie, or simply to state that it's not an appropriate question, I'm not sure about.

An example would be, "Who do you love more, me or my brother?"

My mother (used to) just say she loves us all the same. I can see this is in some way the "correct" response, but it is exceedingly unlikely to be true. I suppose it can be true in a sense, but not in the sense that it is being asked. It is essentially a lie, but if instead you're told it's not an appropriate question, it's kind of an admission that there is a favourite. So I really don't know what would be best there.

My father on the other hand had no problem saying who was his favourite.

You don't think telling kids you are biologically motivated to love them, with a preference towards the healthiest of the group as they will be most likely to procreate?