Still struggling.

[robvalue]

Yup. I've had to cut most of my family out of my life, because they are toxic to me. A lot of this has to do with how they treated me while I was "under their care", and isn't helped by the fact that they have actually got worse.

Sometimes, that's what you have to do. It's certainly not ideal, but there's only so many last chances you can give people.

[LadyForCamus]

In fact, being of a mindset where you refuse to change your mind even when presented with new, credible evidence is being closed minded. .

QFT.

Yep, GD, this is what people look like when they are determined to stick with their preconceived notions even when presented with contradictory evidence:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5NzhQWcc7h4

Wow. Just...wow. *facepalm*

[Socratic Meth Head]

My mom thinks I'm not really an atheist even though I have told her I do not believe, she says "He doesn't even believe Jesus Christ exists." and then continues to say I do believe.
My mom says "You know in your heart of hearts believe". She says I am just rebelling.
Although OCD makes it hard to come to a conclusion on anything without anxiety backfire, I am 99% certain there isn't a god.

The closest I get to "Believing" is getting a wave of emotion at upbeat, happy songs at church. I appreciate the music.

Did anyone else's parents have some sense of denial when you told them you were atheist (considering you are an ex-theist.)

My brother says "I know you will become a christian again, I did so you will." and my mom agrees, saying "God will always find away."

We had some lady screaming pretty loud today at church "Thank you so much jesus for saving me." and I felt awkward. My mom continues to say "Its the Satan in you, we should all be that loud when rejoicing for Christ."

[KevinM1]

The #1 thing religion relies upon to keep those that question their faith in line is peer pressure. You're supposed to feel awkward and uncomfortable because those feelings usually lead to people trying to avoid feeling them, and the easiest way is to simply get with the program. That's control 101, used in just about every religion as well as various (usually nefarious) political movements.

Quick rule of thumb: if people try to make you feel guilty or afraid for simply questioning what's going on, those people don't have your best interests at heart. They may profess that they do. They may even think they do, but in reality they're acting in a way to stifle the freedom of thought.

The point of religion is to spread because it's the remnants of political movements from thousands of years ago.

[Socratic Meth Head]

She also says "You just don't believe because you don't want consequences."

[KevinM1]

She also says "You just don't believe because you don't want consequences."

How does that even work?

Of course, it's also funny that the vast, vast, vast majority of people who do bad things (I'm talking rape, murder, torture, etc.) believe in her god, so it's not like belief somehow stops people from doing heinous things to one another.

But, yeah, it sounds like she's parroting the old "You just don't want to believe so you can sin" BS, which is utterly illogical.  If you don't believe in god, you don't believe in satan, or heaven, or hell.  You also don't believe in sin.  It's not that you acknowledge that they exist but choose to act a certain way regardless, it's that she/they might as well be saying something like "You're offending the Green Lantern with what you're doing!"  Which is patently absurd.

The older you get, and the more you look at theism from the outside, the more you'll see how delusional and twisted the whole endeavor is:  

God loves everyone unconditionally!  Now, here's a list of conditions you need to abide by to receive his love.
God is just!  Yet somehow believes that infinite punishment for finite crimes is fair.
God wants a relationship with you!  But if you say 'no' he'll cast you in a lake of fire.
God's proof of existence is in miracles!  Which often leaves others dead or crippled.
God has a plan!  But mortals can fuck it up.
Etc.

[God of Mr. Hanky]

The closest I get to "Believing" is getting a wave of emotion at upbeat, happy songs at church. I appreciate the music.

Perhaps the study of music, or even learning to play an instrument may be of interest to you.

Music has its place in human culture because it has a drug-like effect for manipulating the emotions. When you study the scales, you can see how even the different major scales (Ionian vs. Lydian vs. Mixolydian) manipulate positive emotions in different ways, and you won't often see Christian music making use of the minor scales (not even in contemporary styles, which rock n' roll uses heavily), excepting for songs which are intended to provoke somewhat militant passions (foot-stomping and hand-clapping to a droning D-minor). My point is that I learned through this study how the music in churches, particularly in the charismatic environment which you describe isn't magic at all, it's just time moving through the math of the notes in various scales, to manipulate your reactions.

Did anyone else's parents have some sense of denial when you told them you were atheist (considering you are an ex-theist.)

Of course theistic parents are prone to react in denial when you tell them you don't believe in their god - somebody here posted a Dark Matter video yesterday - too bad I didn't bookmark it, but it points out how when you deny someone's god, you are from their perspective basically denying their own existence. The god they believe in is one who they "have a personal relationship with", "knows all my innermost thoughts", "walks with me and talks with me" (I added that one, it's a popular Xtian song lyric). It's all part of each individual Xtian's ego, and I can only agree with DarkMatter's observations, having watched the reactions of Xtians every time I deny their god's existence that the god in question is so much tied into their own egos that my denial is an offense against themselves personally. This really is how they react to their god being denied, whether it's personal or not, and the ego argument explains it perfectly.

I was an adult when I revealed my atheism to my mother - she drove our vehicle into a rut while we were traveling through a strange town, and a very nice stranger interrupted her morning jog to help us by calling her brother out with his truck, saving us a lot of expense. No police were involved, which would have been a real inconvenience. I just couldn't stand the way she raved on about "God" having saved us, blatantly denying those good people the credit they deserved for helping us without any supernatural assistance, so I told her then. It was a shock to her for awhile, and I think she's still sort of in denial but she never was the sort of person to cut family ties over differences in beliefs. She had been through some of that with her own parents when her and my father decided to leave the Catholic church on account of teachings which they just couldn't accept at the time, which makes her somewhat more reasonable than most theists. On your own family, from the way you describe them I'm not at all sure that they can be so reasonable.

[Socratic Meth Head]

My parents are making me watch The Passion Of The Christ now. :/

[MTL]

The #1 thing religion relies upon to keep those that question their faith in line is peer pressure.  You're supposed to feel awkward and uncomfortable because those feelings usually lead to people trying to avoid feeling them, and the easiest way is to simply get with the program.  That's control 101, used in just about every religion as well as various (usually nefarious) political movements.

Quick rule of thumb: if people try to make you feel guilty or afraid for simply questioning what's going on, those people don't have your best interests at heart.  They may profess that they do.  They may even think they do, but in reality they're acting in a way to stifle the freedom of thought.

The point of religion is to spread because it's the remnants of political movements from thousands of years ago.

Yes, and as I've said previously,

I love to point out to zealous Christians when they pressure me to believe
that they fail to see how much this illustrates their complete lack of faith in God or in the Power of Prayer.

I mean, c'mon, Grandma....don't you believe God can reach me on his own,
without the benefit of all your harassment, shame, and other manoeuverings?

[God of Mr. Hanky]

My parents are making me watch The Passion Of The Christ now. :/

Oh, it's that ultra-violent flick by Mel Gibson, not "The Last Temptation of Christ", scored musically by Peter Gabriel?

Next time you want to get rid of your brother, ask him if watching that violence gave him a hard-on.