Is there a right way to romantically connect with others?

[Kernel Sohcahtoa]

 There's nothing inherently unethical about a mutually consensual polyamorous relationship, in my opinion.

Just out of curiosity, suppose we have the following scenario.  Person A and person B are in a romantic relationship and they both genuinely love each other.  However, Person A is monogamous and Person B is polyamorous: each one has assumed that the other consents to their particular views on romantic relationships (to persons A and B, their views are as natural to them as the air they breathe).  Are both of them equally guilty of not communicating their norms and expectations clearly and transparently? Did they both commit an unethical act?

[robvalue]

Hmm, interesting. Logically speaking they're both equally to blame, yes. But we do live in a monogamous style society, on the whole. So you could argue that it's the person who deviates from that who needs to speak up.

I wouldn't say they've done something unethical, they've not tried to trick the other person. They genuinely thought it went without saying.

[bennyboy]

It seems to me, and obviously this is a generalization, that men are more likely than women to want a polyamorous relationship, and I think this is for the most part ingrained in our genetic makeup.  Yes, people are different, and some women definitely would love an open relationship.  However, I don't think you can built an ethical view on exceptions-- you have to look at the greater good / greater harm to be done.

I'd put it this way-- some things are unethical in general, but there is always room for exception.  Look at it like this-- if a view was the norm, what would the society look like?  I think a polyamorous society would be totally fucked up-- rampant disease, neglected children, etc.  So I'd say in general that polyamory is not the right way for us to approach sexual relationships.

Okay well, none of those have to happen as part of such relationships. They are examples of them done badly.

I appreciate your point but I don't think generalising is fair. Any particular case may be unethical, but saying they are unethical in general because of what sometimes happens doesn't sit well with me. It sounds too similar to demonising gay relationships because of things that supposedly can be problems with them. There's nothing inherently unethical about a mutually consensual polyamorous relationship, in my opinion.

If people are irresponsible scumbags and/or need nannying in the first instance, that's a general problem with them, and won't go away just because they are the one person. Especially since so many people cheat anyway.

Any ethical system where the only good outcome is pleasure seems to me to be on a weak foundation.  If I have a good woman, why would I need/want two?  Not for any practical reason, but because it's in my instinct to fuck everything that moves.

To me the basis of ethics, and adulthood, is to act in accordance with the greater good even when it's not always in your nature to do so.