My mom is dying, going to need an ear.

[Catholic_Lady]

Don't Say Goodbye, By Brian37

It started one night
When I left
Just to be silly
To get a smile

Everyone says bye
But it happened one night
Instead I responded
"bicentennial"

It became a game
Between me and my mom
To come up with "bi" sounding words
To each we'd respond

The game was
Not to repeat
Or use each other favorites
As we parted each night


She'd respond 
To my "bicentennial"
With "biplane" 
And it went on and on

I'd say "bison", but would be in trouble
If I took her two favorites
"Buy one get one free"
Or "Bicarbonate of soda"

But we'd run out
Eventually
Knowing I'd have 
To eventually leave

She'd end it with
"Buy dog and cat food"
Knowing I'd make stops
On my way home

Feeling her cold skin
At the funeral home
The vile stiffness
It wont happen again

It was as if
I could wake her up
Just in a sleep
The way they prepped her

I can only find comfort
She's no longer in pain
But I hate that we will never
Play that game again

Bicentennial, biplane bison, 
Biped, bicarbonate of soda
Biography, buy one get one free
I love you mom, I'll see you in the morning

This was beautiful.

[Brian37]

Thanks for all the responses even CL Mr Brewer. Just got off the phone with Tibs too, it is not going to heal in the moment, but having this thread here and people to talk to on the phone and in this thread helps.

[Brian37]

I don't remember how this conversation came up, but ended up on a children's show and discovered that the song playing was a remake of  an old Bing Crosby Song. "Little Sr Echo" . This is one of my mom's favorite songs from her childhood .

[Autumnlicious]

Condolences on your loss. At the very least, she lives on within you.

[Brian37]

Now Sunday, still shocked and numb and spent. At a loss for words now too. Right now want to dry my cloths and call mom to let her know I'll be over after they dry. Mom is still here, I a desperately want to believe she is still here and nothing has happened. I hate this new reality.

[HairyCyclist]

This must be heartbreaking for you Brian, you were obviously very close to her, hang on to all the wonderful memories she has given to you and stay strong.

[abaris]

Now Sunday, still shocked and numb and spent. At a loss for words now too. Right now want to dry my cloths and call mom to let her know I'll be over after they dry. Mom is still here, I a desperately want to believe she is still here and nothing has happened. I hate this new reality.

Be prepared for this to go on for quite some time. I don't remember how often I wanted to tell my father something, just to realize the very next second he wasn't around anymore. Same with my mother a few years later. Be also prepared for dreams. Lots of them.

[account_inactive]

Now Sunday, still shocked and numb and spent. At a loss for words now too. Right now want to dry my cloths and call mom to let her know I'll be over after they dry. Mom is still here, I a desperately want to believe she is still here and nothing has happened. I hate this new reality.

We haven't always gotten along, and I've been total bitch to you in the past...but you're in my thoughts Brian. I hope you feel better soon.

[Brian37]

Now Sunday, still shocked and numb and spent. At a loss for words now too. Right now want to dry my cloths and call mom to let her know I'll be over after they dry. Mom is still here, I a desperately want to believe she is still here and nothing has happened. I hate this new reality.

We haven't always gotten along, and I've been total bitch to you in the past...but you're in my thoughts Brian. I hope you feel better soon.

If there is anything my mom is, her great quality is that we never stay mad at each other. There have only been in my life a couple of people I completely cut off, and not out of hate, but out emotional necessity for my own sanity. So when you, other atheists or theists yell at me or I yell at you, I know that it is just words, just like when my mom and I yell at each other, it never stays that way. With everyone here it is simply about the logic. With my mom, it is always knowing she loves me and we never stay angry at each other. 

My mom is amazing in that respect. We are alot like Howard and his mom on Big Bang. I am even going to miss her yelling at me "stop it", "shut up", "just do it", "you worry to much". Especially when she is going through not feeling well, it always makes me feel she is fighting it.

Never stay angry never hold grudges. Mom is always like that.

[Brian37]

My friend John just called me, he and my mom's friend Bea have spent a couple hours on the phone with me today. It is great to be able to talk to people, but still feeling hollow.