My mom is dying, going to need an ear.

[Minimalist]

You probably don't want to hear this now and you may not even believe it but eventually you will reach the point where you think of her and it will bring a smile rather than a frown.  Time is the important ingredient and you also have to remember that she would want you to get on with your life.

Just keep taking it one day at a time.

[Brian37]

You probably don't want to hear this now and you may not even believe it but eventually you will reach the point where you think of her and it will bring a smile rather than a frown.  Time is the important ingredient and you also have to remember that she would want you to get on with your life.

Just keep taking it one day at a time.

Nancy has been able to help me smile a little bit today, but believe me, the pain is still inside. I feel more scared not doing anything for my mom when I am at home. But now that I have done a few things I am more calm. 

This thread is my journal and that helps too. Nancy helped me plan mom's memorial today then we went out to brunch at breakfast place mom and I used to go. Nancy reached for the orange marmalade for her toast and that is my mom's favorite.

---

You probably don't want to hear this now and you may not even believe it but eventually you will reach the point where you think of her and it will bring a smile rather than a frown.  Time is the important ingredient and you also have to remember that she would want you to get on with your life.

Just keep taking it one day at a time.

Nancy has been able to help me smile a little bit today, but believe me, the pain is still inside. I feel more scared not doing anything for my mom when I am at home. But now that I have done a few things I am more calm. 

This thread is my journal and that helps too. Nancy helped me plan mom's memorial today then we went out to brunch at breakfast place mom and I used to go. Nancy reached for the orange marmalade for her toast and that is my mom's favorite.

Got Judge Judy on right now, was never my thing, but when I am at her apartment or the nursing home at this time of day she has it on. I still want to be watching it with her because she likes it. She loves Wheel Of Fortune and Jeopardy and I am missing watching those with her too.

[Brian37]

FUCK, tomorrow will be an entire week. I hate this. It is reminding me of that cell phone call in Jan where she reminds me to get up for Full Frontal. Tomorrow night is a new episode and she'll call me to remind me. I am going to miss that so much. Mom does that with Redskins games and did it with the COSMOS series too.

[Catholic_Lady]

I've been away for several days and just found out, I'm very sorry you are going through this, life can be so cruel and we are never prepared for it's cruelty. Keep in mind time will help ease your pain, stay strong to honor her memory.

GC

One thing mom does that many theists don't do is listen. It isn't a mater of "cruelty". Even she knew that. It is a mater of harsh reality. I use the word "evil" in a far different context than a theist in regards to my loss. Same with the word "cruelty". A slow death is scary and painful to anyone who goes through it. And for anyone who witnesses it like I have it is emotionally painful. But it is not some magic battle between a sky hero vs a ground villain. 

I have every intent on honoring her memory. I hope my planing her memorial today will do her justice. I also hope to start a education scholarship and if I can will put the link in my sig so anyone who wants to donate can. We cannot avoid the end of the ride, but we can do what we can to do justice to family. My mom spent her life teaching and caring about others and especially me. Life has very horrible aspects in it and my mom having to suffer like that is horrible, watching it is horrible. But to me all the events of the universe and evolution lead to our species and my mom. That it even happened is incredible. Mom's kindness and giving is incredible. So all I can do now is put something in place to honor my mom. 

If you have my mom as a friend, if she loves you, you have everything.

---

I do want to restate and make it clear to any theist not just GC, but any theist, including CL, your human empathy is fine and I do appreciate it. But one thing atheists need is the ability to freely express ourselves just like a theist would. Your intent isn't the problem. Everyone has family and it hurts. My issue is the logic behind where the theist thinks our compassion and empathy come from. I simply do not assign it to a deity. It comes from evolution. 

My mom really is great at listening even when she doesn't agree. She is as I said a holiday Catholic at best, more of a believer "just in case" at best. But I love the fact that she will listen to me when I explain why I do not agree with theists logic as to why we exist and where our emotions and behaviors come from. 

Mom listens to me debate with theists and even other atheists, and will ask me what my response is and what their response is. She doesn't always like my word choice in those things, but she certainly does understand what it is like to be a minority Catholic in a mostly southern baptist area. 

It still remains that all 7 billion of us are the same species and we all have loved ones and feel the same joy and pain in life. It hurts and I do feel hollow right now, but if you like I do, have someone as wonderful in your life as I do my mom, it is something most certainly to be valued and celebrated and remembered.

I'm not sure why my name got brough up, as I have not said or alluded to a single religious related thing in here.

But I just want you to know that, human to human, I am incredibly sorry for your loss and I feel for you very much and have cried for you. Rest assured our differences in beliefs (or lack thereof) mean nothing to me.

Your mother sounds like a truly incredible woman and I am sure you are so proud of her and proud to have called her mom. I'm sure she was very proud of you too. For your loyalty to her and for hanging in there with her until the bitter end.

I will continue to follow this thread and look for updates on how you are doing. I've been glad to know there have been people in your life who have reached out to you during this difficult time. <3

[Brian37]

One thing mom does that many theists don't do is listen. It isn't a mater of "cruelty". Even she knew that. It is a mater of harsh reality. I use the word "evil" in a far different context than a theist in regards to my loss. Same with the word "cruelty". A slow death is scary and painful to anyone who goes through it. And for anyone who witnesses it like I have it is emotionally painful. But it is not some magic battle between a sky hero vs a ground villain. 

I have every intent on honoring her memory. I hope my planing her memorial today will do her justice. I also hope to start a education scholarship and if I can will put the link in my sig so anyone who wants to donate can. We cannot avoid the end of the ride, but we can do what we can to do justice to family. My mom spent her life teaching and caring about others and especially me. Life has very horrible aspects in it and my mom having to suffer like that is horrible, watching it is horrible. But to me all the events of the universe and evolution lead to our species and my mom. That it even happened is incredible. Mom's kindness and giving is incredible. So all I can do now is put something in place to honor my mom. 

If you have my mom as a friend, if she loves you, you have everything.

---

I do want to restate and make it clear to any theist not just GC, but any theist, including CL, your human empathy is fine and I do appreciate it. But one thing atheists need is the ability to freely express ourselves just like a theist would. Your intent isn't the problem. Everyone has family and it hurts. My issue is the logic behind where the theist thinks our compassion and empathy come from. I simply do not assign it to a deity. It comes from evolution. 

My mom really is great at listening even when she doesn't agree. She is as I said a holiday Catholic at best, more of a believer "just in case" at best. But I love the fact that she will listen to me when I explain why I do not agree with theists logic as to why we exist and where our emotions and behaviors come from. 

Mom listens to me debate with theists and even other atheists, and will ask me what my response is and what their response is. She doesn't always like my word choice in those things, but she certainly does understand what it is like to be a minority Catholic in a mostly southern baptist area. 

It still remains that all 7 billion of us are the same species and we all have loved ones and feel the same joy and pain in life. It hurts and I do feel hollow right now, but if you like I do, have someone as wonderful in your life as I do my mom, it is something most certainly to be valued and celebrated and remembered.

I'm not sure why my name got brough up, as I have not said or alluded to a single religious related thing in here.

But I just want you to know that, human to human, I am incredibly sorry for your loss and I feel for you very much and have cried for you. Rest assured our differences in beliefs (or lack thereof) mean nothing to me.

Your mother sounds like a truly incredible woman and I am sure you are so proud of her and proud to have called her mom. I'm sure she was very proud of you too. For your loyalty to her and for hanging in there with her until the bitter end.

I will continue to follow this thread and look for updates on how you are doing. I've been glad to know there have been people in your life who have reached out to you during this difficult time. <3

Thank you. You have much the same attitude about religion as my mom does. She is a Catholic too, but at least with her she may have seen my atheism as a phase when I first said I was, but after a few years she realized it wasn't. She accepts me for me. "Incredible" to me is an understatement. Pride, most certainly am of mom. She'll say the same too, she is happy I have friends, even before all this, Bob and John especially, she loves them as if they are her own. But even knowing I hang out here, she really loves hearing about my interactions with everyone. I even told her about our debates on transgender and rape. She listens to my positions. As I said in the OP she loved the NFL thread, making the picks each week, listening to the ranks and all the friendly trash talk too. 

This thread is my therapy too.

[Nay_Sayer]

Take it one day at a time. Know that above all she'd not want you to live too long in sorrow and to continue your life and whatever it may bring.

Having lost my father very recently I feel like I've come out the other side of it finally.

I wish you well.

[Rhondazvous]

Brian, I hope this poem will speak to you. My father passed three years ago and there are still moments when I just have to stop and ... I don't know. There's joy and pain all a part of the human experience, can't really fully feel one without fully feeling the other.

The Dash

On rolling hills inside an iron fence
That gives a sense of closure to the lives
Now lived and settled all the nevers sealed
In stone. Apostrophes for people that

Meant something, gave a lot and suffered all
A crinkled rose, its petals blown by wind
Its stem a root now deep in earth, in stone
Which beaten by the rain and wind retains

Its dates of birth and death a finished chord
These numbers frame a dash now worn but clear
And thick with love adorned by unseen acts
The roses tell the story of a life

A stranger calculates the stone etched years
The dash between is dear to fallen tears

[Brian37]

Got a call from my cousin whom I have not seen since the 80s. He told me about witnessing a death too. It sucks for everyone, but it did help me know I am not alone. Going to the funeral home again today to do more for mom's memorial. Normally I find it easy to write things, but outside poems, this is quite different. I don't even know what to put in the OB, I do but I don't, if that makes any sense? 

Mom is more than words. I can only talk about how giving and loving and caring she is, what she likes and does in life,  but I know she is that and far more. Mom is worthy of Hitchens prose, but I cant even get close to his lexicon. Mom is the core compassionate side of family relations, and the core of the good side of our species. There when you need help, there when you need an ear. A lifetime of educating children preparing them for life, even taught overseas in Spain. Loves sailing, loves her friends Judy, Joan, Bea, Robin, Mary and Paula. Always leaves a positive impression to everyone she meets. Never is afraid to tell you what she thinks, assertive and confident. You have my mom in your life, you have a relationship that is priceless.

I say everything I can think of and it doesn't seem to be enough.

[Brian37]

More Than Words, By Brian37

There is no speech
One could give
To describe mom's life
Or the way she lives

"Ask Not" 
JFK said
Better than that
She educates kids

Ancient Greek pays
Portray adventure 
Sailing the Mediterranean 
Scuba Diving mom takes part in

Loyalty in spades
She has for me
All her friends
And family

"Friends and countrymen
Lend me your ears"
Mom certainly does
For those she holds dear

"Tear down that wall"
Mom while stern
Conveys compassion
Wants us to learn

Even the bravery
In her decline
Facing mortality
In Ann Frank fashion 

"In spite of everything"
She sees good
Everywhere around her
And wants us too

Red Hats and Kings Row
Are her pass time
If you are with her
You'll have a great time

A Whiskey Sour
She'll have at happy hour
Sailing the Chesapeak Bay
To Annapolis MD

In Arbor landing
It's Irish Cream
While getting a smile
From Mary, Pauline and Jane

"Yes we can"
Yes she does
Mom prefers a smile
From all of us

No fame
Like the Pope
But we know her
And that is a lot

I cant put in sonnets 
Or rhymed couplets
Or Gettysburg Address
What she means to all of us

Mom wants us
To be happy
Not dwell in sorrow
Like the Song of Rolland 

I have not the lexicon
To measure mom's life
As big as the universe
As old as time

More than words
A priceless treasure 
No speech or monument
Can live up to my mother

Do not fear
She is still here
In all of us
And everywhere

If you want 
To express yourself
About my mom
And what she means

You can and should 
More than words
Mom's smile
Is what she wants

Mom is the beauty 
In our thoughts
In our connections
In our actions

More than words
In any speech
More than words
In monuments

Mom is the strength 
She gives us
It cannot be extinguished 
It cannot be crushed

No frail body
No finite life
Can take mom away
From any of us

Time did not win
I wont let it win
The torch is inside us
We can keep her alive

[Brian37]

Went to the funeral home today. Mom had paid for a  plain black metal box for an urn. Didn't make sense to me considering she wanted her ashes spread, but who knows, she paid for it way back in 05. I ended up buying what is called spread box, since Bea and Nancy and John are going to spread her ashes with me in late May or June. Which although cardboard had a very pretty beach theme picture on it. Actually cost more than the metal box? But also got a 4 oz urn anyway because I am keeping that one in felt bag to hang in my van so she can go anywhere with me. Bought some platters from a local deli for the memorial and some flowers too. I do feel more calm about all this knowing I finally did something for her.