I would like some advise

[Cyberman]

Please do.

[Losty]

If he's asking that's a good sign that he's ready for a truthful answer.

[emjay]

It sounds to me like you've already got a healthy question and answer relationship with your son... that he feels comfortable enough to ask whatever he wants without fear of offending you or your religious sensibilities. He might already suspect on some level that your heart's not in it (Catholicism I mean). So I don't know what to advise... if it's going to cause rifts and all that with the rest of your family... then maybe just leave it as it is, and let it slowly come to term, cos it looks like it's heading that way anyway... even if only on a subconscious level on his part.

[ignoramus]

OP. Please tell him why you feel the way you do. Explain the scam. He's old enough to understand.
He can always find god later, but if he gets hooked at this age, he may never recover.

You've really got nothing to lose.

[brewer]

Welcome to the forum! Woof!

My wife is also catholic, cafeteria style (similar to your wife if I read that correctly), she picks and chooses which parts she wants to live with.

Never had any direct connection with catholic schools so I have no clue about their religious curriculum or their requirements from students/parents and church involvement. Kids protesting abortion clinics sounds a little radical, even for catholic's. Personally that would put up a big red flag for me. I sure as hell would want to know exactly what they are being told in class/school. Care to expand on the "heated discussion" comment?

13 is when I started asking, not my parents, but the pastors at our lutheran (watered down catholic) church. I distinctly remember a frustrated youth pastor response of "stop asking me, there is no good answer, just do and believe as I tell you". Guess who left the church at 13.

If you're tied into the c. school as the only acceptable source of education you might be stuck. Like I said, I have no experience with c. schools. If you have honest open religious discussions with your son and he takes your part of the discussion back to school will that cause problems? You may have to temper your discussions with the kids and keep your responses generic. (i.e., I believe something different..., not flat out there is no god)

Are there other non catholic parents with kids at this school? Could be a resource. 

What is your wife's position on this? Does you son understand that there are different religions with different "beliefs and traditions" that are acceptable in our society?

If you don't let him come to his own conclusion are you any better than the school/church?

I know, I know, not much help.

Best of luck.

[Hammok Man]

Welcome to the forum! Woof!

My wife is also catholic, cafeteria style (similar to your wife if I read that correctly), she picks and chooses which parts she wants to live with.

Never had any direct connection with catholic schools so I have no clue about their religious curriculum or their requirements from students/parents and church involvement. Kids protesting abortion clinics sounds a little radical, even for catholic's. Personally that would put up a big red flag for me. I sure as hell would want to know exactly what they are being told in class/school. Care to expand on the "heated discussion" comment?

I am very involved with the boys school work.  The religion classes go into depth on the aspects of the Catholic Faith so the student has a good idea of why these beliefs are held.  They also touch on other religions, giving the high points.  We use lots of local resources to overcome the dyslexia problem and these teachers tell me that our school is on par with other private schools in the area, and marginally better than public schools in the area when it comes to math, science and english/literature.  Evolution is taught as the vehicle god used to create man, so basically intelligent design.  As religious creation stories go that is probably the closest to the actual theory.  

As for the abortion protest thing.  Here is the short version:
I confronted the religion teacher, and told her that i have a real problem with her promoting activism and that it would be very easy for the students to incorporate activism as part of the catholic faith (it is not).  I then requested a meeting with the principle, she said she did not know the "protest" was even happening (threw the teacher under the bus so to speak.)  I accused the principle of incompetence, which lead to another meeting with the school president. who is the parish priest.  At the end of the day they assured me that parents would be notified before anything like the protest is arranged with students.  I was not the only parent unhappy about this, but probably one of the more vocal.

13 is when I started asking, not my parents, but the pastors at our lutheran (watered down catholic) church. I distinctly remember a frustrated youth pastor response of "stop asking me, there is no good answer, just do and believe as I tell you". Guess who left the church at 13.

If you're tied into the c. school as the only acceptable source of education you might be stuck. Like I said, I have no experience with c. schools. If you have honest open religious discussions with your son and he takes your part of the discussion back to school will that cause problems? You may have to temper your discussions with the kids and keep your responses generic. (i.e., I believe something different..., not flat out there is no god)

I try to have the boys look at both sides of any argument and to understand motivations.  Not just religion but anything.

Are there other non catholic parents with kids at this school? Could be a resource.

What is your wife's position on this? Does you son understand that there are different religions with different "beliefs and traditions" that are acceptable in our society?

My wife is very cut and dry, black and white.  If you ask her a question she gives an answer.  If asked why she will give the official catholic reason or something very close.  Where i will often take things into the outfield.  The 13 year old does understand that other beliefs and traditions are acceptable in our society.  He has friends who are not catholic, sailing is one of the sports he enjoys.  One of his race partners is a Muslim kid, (it is a weird family situation) they spend lots of time practicing together and hang out frequently.  

If you don't let him come to his own conclusion are you any better than the school/church?

That is a great point.

I know, I know, not much help.

Best of luck.

I am inclined to let things play out for now.

thanks for your imput.

[snowtracks]

---

I am an atheist and have been sense my early 20's.  

Religion was a very small part of my life before i jumped ship and then completely absent for many years.  
Now that I have two sons religion has once again entered my life.  

Here is a little background information on me and the situation.

My family is very roman catholic and southern.  My parents sent me to catholic schools, I received a well rounded education and was well prepared for college.  I have always been very skeptical about religion and from a very early age I just could not bring myself to really care to much about it.  At some point during college I decided to take a hard look at religion and i quickly came to the conclusion that religion is a scam.  Granted they often do good things with the money and influence people give them, but they also can do some pretty evil shit as well.

My wife is what I call face value religious.  She has a working knowledge of the catholic faith (as do I), but she does a bit of picking and choosing as to how strictly she follows church doctrine.  I am not out to impress anyone and I rarely discuss my personal beliefs.  If i am asked flat out "Do you believe in god?" typically I answer truthfully. (sometimes I do not want to go through the hassle of a religious debate)  My wife knows my stance on god, I actively avoid the subject because I know it upsets her.  I told my father about 20 years ago his response to me was something like "Believe whatever you like, just don't go around making an ass of yourself."  Which i think is pretty good advise.  I think the rest of my immediate family knows but we do not bring it up and we get along just fine.

The public schools in our area are sub standard so we sent our boys to catholic school.  I feel like they are getting a well rounded education, both of them are dyslexic and the school has worked with us to address the issue (We pushed the issue until the school gave the accommodations, and allowed outside help to address their needs.  It was not just my wife and I two other couples joined in on our push).  
The only real problem I have had with the school is when they wanted to take the 7th graders to protest a planned parenthood facility.  I think that activism should be a personal decision, and the school was wrong in doing this.  I did not allow my son to go, while i did not make a public spectacle of the situation there were several heated discussions with school officials.  (for the record, I am against abortion as convenience, but that is an entirely different discussion) 

Over the past six months my oldest has started asking my wife and I questions about the catholic faith.  He also has pointed out some of my "indiscretions" ie: I do go to mass with my wife and kids but i never bother with confession, and i often skip holy days of obligation.  The kids are both heavily involved in sports and other activities outside the school and church.  We do participate in some school sports/activities but unlike some of our friends we don't tend to rotate around the church.  I have always been very careful how I answer religious questions.  I ask him what the church teaches, then i ask him what other reasons/motivations could be involved.  I admit to throwing out small pieces of rationality, mainly to see if he can put it together.  

These questions have become deeper and often involve some of the deeply ingrained catholic beliefs and traditions.  I do not remember asking my parents questions about the catholic church like he does us.  I just don't remember caring that much, my father and I are very close and i can't remember a time in my life where I would not ask his advise but religion never came up, as i remember.  I guess my son's wiring is different than mine, perhaps they have better religion teachers now.  I do encourage him to ask me questions about pretty much anything, which is very similar to the relationship my father an I enjoy.

This is what I want help with.

---

I am curious as to if I should flat out tell my oldest (13) I do not believe in god or do I let him arrive to that conclusion on his own?   I would still encourage him to make his own mind up.

   Here are some of my thoughts on the matter:
      In my opinion I suffered no ill effects from a very similar upbringing.
      I do think that my opinion will carry a heavy weight with him, keeping my true thoughts from him is very much against my nature, but this is about him not me.
      The family dynamic may suffer some short term friction. (Keep in mind that our lives do not rotate around the catholic church, our children's well being is our main concern) 

Thanks for any and all reply's. I tend to write forum posts as a stream of consciousness so forgive grammatical errors.

HM

Tell them the purpose of the universe.

[Hammok Man]

46?

Wait that may be the answer to the question of life.

[Foxaèr]

46?

Wait that may be the answer to the question of life.

Nah, it's 42.

[ignoramus]

There's lots of answers to the universe but no correct questions.