I would like some advise

[Alex K]

@Hammok Man

Welcome to the forum!

May I ask you to use the forum quote function, it makes replying to posts possibleand your posts readable.

[Anon2381]

Hi hammock Man,
I was brought up in a very outspoken religious home. As a kid My life was church. It completely filled up my week with bible studies, youth groups, missions, christian club, Praise band practice, and nothing else. It wasn't great for me, and I don't recommend that way. You sound like a giving man who puts your family first. The fact that you sit though mass as an atheist is something I couldn't do. I am raising my kids to question things for themselves and be free thinkers. I will never tell them what to think, but help them explore the options. My 8 year old daughter came back from church with my folks and said "Moma, did you know Jesus died for my sins?" Ugh I wanted to say, but remembering how that one thought changed my world as a kid I said to her. "OH my goodness Did you kill Jesus?" "No" she said. "Oh good, then you have nothing to worry about sweetie. That was a really long time ago and nada to do with you." I lost myself at a young age, because I felt like such a sinner, for masterbating. I was told it was I that was evil, and the only good in me comes from Jesus. I still struggle to find the confidence in "MY" goodness. That being said, I also think shielding my kids from religion can do the same harm by trying to push my strong hatred for it onto my kids. I want them to discover and think for themselves. If they become religious I might mock it in my head, but I will support their choices. Honesty and self discovery are key IMO

[Hammok Man]

@Hammok Man

Welcome to the forum! 

May I ask you to use the forum quote function, it makes replying to posts possibleand your posts readable.

I think i figured it out

[Whateverist]

I never give family or relationship advice if I can help it. If anything goes wrong because of what I say, it's my fault; and I won't put myself in that position.

I will remember that next time you ask for girlfriend help.

Fuck off.

Oh no, KitKat is cutting you off from advice about girls.  What a loss!

[Cyberman]

Especially when I'm not actually asking for advice but practical help.

[Anon2381]

Especially when I'm not actually asking for advice but practical help.

Like variety of positions and tools? Well, restraints are pretty self explanatory, and toys u can put just about anywhere. Thats my practical help even though your not asking

[thereverent1]

I sympathize with your situation.  I think it is best to be honest with your children - tell them what you believe, and why, and let them make up their own minds.  I am an atheist -- that is, someone who believes that God does not exist -- but who nonetheless believes that God is logically necessary.  (Not psychologically, socially, or politically necessary - logically necessary.)  My book "The Reverent Atheist" (available on Amazon) explains my thinking on this point.
There are many inspiring passages in the Bible, but the fact is that Jesus could not possibly have been the Messiah, that he could not possibly have been the Son of God, and that the Bible could not possibly be the word of God.  Take those 3 claims away from Christianity and there really isn't much left.  That's not to say that Islam or Mormonism or Hinduism or Judaism are any better - they're not.  I deny the reality of all of the prophets - Isaiah, Jesus, Mohammed, Joseph Smith, Bahaullah -- all of them.  The "scriptures" of these many faiths do have their moments of inspiration, but they were all written by people, not by God.  And the primary claim of fundamentalists of whatever faith is that their scriptures are the word of God and are therefore necessarily true.  If you take that main assumption away they have to defend their moral stance on the basis of reason and experience, just like everyone else.

[pocaracas]

.

This is what I want help with.

I am curious as to if I should flat out tell my oldest (13) I do not believe in god or do I let him arrive to that conclusion on his own?   I would still encourage him to make his own mind up.

   Here are some of my thoughts on the matter:
      In my opinion I suffered no ill effects from a very similar upbringing.
      I do think that my opinion will carry a heavy weight with him, keeping my true thoughts from him is very much against my nature, but this is about him not me.
      The family dynamic may suffer some short term friction. (Keep in mind that our lives do not rotate around the catholic church, our children's well being is our main concern) 

Thanks for any and all reply's. I tend to write forum posts as a stream of consciousness so forgive grammatical errors.

HM

Like you, my wife is a Catholic, going to church every Sunday and whatnot.
The kids are attending the corresponding religious classes, as their mom likes it.
They've known since they were young... Very young... around 5... That I don't believe any of that stuff.
I don't know if they believe any of it, but they do seem to go through the motions, mostly to please mom.
From what I can see, they wouldn't care if they didn't go to church on Sunday, nor any of the other religious things the wife makes them do.
Occasionally, the subject comes up... Religion, this one...and others. The old gods and the new.
I voice my opinion and I let them hear what they can. I try to make as much sense as possible while showing how religion makes no sense.
For now, they might have a mental conflict about the subject... Mom says one thing, dad says another.
I think this exposure to different opinions will strengthen their own self-reflection and in time they will think about it for themselves.
It's the best I can do, and far better than what I had when the thought that there was no god first crossed my mind and I thought I was the only person on earth, yes on Earth, that noticed it.
My kids know that it's ok not to believe in any religion. They know that an atheist is not a bad person, nor whatever the heck the religious idiots may want to tell them about us.

[Whateverist]

I sympathize with your situation.  I think it is best to be honest with your children - tell them what you believe, and why, and let them make up their own minds.  I am an atheist -- that is, someone who believes that God does not exist -- but who nonetheless believes that God is logically necessary.  (Not psychologically, socially, or politically necessary - logically necessary.)  My book "The Reverent Atheist" (available on Amazon) explains my thinking on this point.
There are many inspiring passages in the Bible, but the fact is that Jesus could not possibly have been the Messiah, that he could not possibly have been the Son of God, and that the Bible could not possibly be the word of God.  Take those 3 claims away from Christianity and there really isn't much left.  That's not to say that Islam or Mormonism or Hinduism or Judaism are any better - they're not.  I deny the reality of all of the prophets - Isaiah, Jesus, Mohammed, Joseph Smith, Bahaullah -- all of them.  The "scriptures" of these many faiths do have their moments of inspiration, but they were all written by people, not by God.  And the primary claim of fundamentalists of whatever faith is that their scriptures are the word of God and are therefore necessarily true.  If you take that main assumption away they have to defend their moral stance on the basis of reason and experience, just like everyone else.

I don't disagree with anything you've written here but I'm curious about your religious views regarding the necessity of gods.  Would like to know more about what you have in mind.  Any chance you'd like to make a thread in which to introduce yourself?  Welcome in advance.

[Sterben]

Let the topic come out on it's own, from the sound of it your doing a good job as a parent in this dept. If you push your own views on to your child, your no worse then a parent forcing their child to attend church. My mother did that for about two years and I hated every single moment of my time spent there.