I would like some advise

[Harry Nevis]

...I am not one of these people that has to project his opinions on other people.

At school in the early 60's some kids were going around in shellshock telling everybody- "WOW, there was a brandnew group on TV last night called the Beatles, they were absolutely fabulous and sensational, you GOTTA check 'em out!"
We checked and yeah, we thought they were fab too..
Same with Jesus, most atheists have got the wrong idea about him, so christians naturally want them to know he's fab too...

So you're equating musical tastes with  salvation by god.  I guess it's best if you don't think to deep about your beliefs much....

[Dropship]

At school in the early 60's some kids were going around in shellshock telling everybody- "WOW, there was a brandnew group on TV last night called the Beatles, they were absolutely fabulous and sensational, you GOTTA check 'em out!"
We checked and yeah, we thought they were fab too..
Same with Jesus, most atheists have got the wrong idea about him, so christians naturally want them to know he's fab too...

So you're equating musical tastes with  salvation by god.  I guess it's best if you don't think to deep about your beliefs much....

Deep thinking is fine but we shouldn't overdo it..-
Paul said - "I'm worried lest you be led astray from the simplicity of Christ" (2 Cor 11:3)
I like the Beatles, and I like Jesus, seems simple enough to me..-
Jesus said- "You're my friends if you follow me: I don't call you servants, instead I call you friends" (John 15:15)

[Joods]

You must be one of them there cafeteria christians... you just follow the parts of your buy-bull that you find pleasing to your eye and ignore the rest.

That's just about the simplest way to be a christian anyway, right?

[Hammok Man]

You must be one of them there cafeteria christians... you just follow the parts of your buy-bull that you find pleasing to your eye and ignore the rest.

That's just about the simplest way to be a christian anyway, right?

That is how 95% of the faithful operate.  Most are good people working their jobs raising their kids and going through the motions so they don't stick out.

5% are the devout.  Crazy enough to actually subjugate their daily lives to this bullshit.  

I think that 5% number gets less every year.

[Jenny A]

I am an atheist and have been sense my early 20's.  

Religion was a very small part of my life before i jumped ship and then completely absent for many years.  
Now that I have two sons religion has once again entered my life.  

Here is a little background information on me and the situation.

My family is very roman catholic and southern.  My parents sent me to catholic schools, I received a well rounded education and was well prepared for college.  I have always been very skeptical about religion and from a very early age I just could not bring myself to really care to much about it.  At some point during college I decided to take a hard look at religion and i quickly came to the conclusion that religion is a scam.  Granted they often do good things with the money and influence people give them, but they also can do some pretty evil shit as well.

My wife is what I call face value religious.  She has a working knowledge of the catholic faith (as do I), but she does a bit of picking and choosing as to how strictly she follows church doctrine.  I am not out to impress anyone and I rarely discuss my personal beliefs.  If i am asked flat out "Do you believe in god?" typically I answer truthfully. (sometimes I do not want to go through the hassle of a religious debate)  My wife knows my stance on god, I actively avoid the subject because I know it upsets her.  I told my father about 20 years ago his response to me was something like "Believe whatever you like, just don't go around making an ass of yourself."  Which i think is pretty good advise.  I think the rest of my immediate family knows but we do not bring it up and we get along just fine.

The public schools in our area are sub standard so we sent our boys to catholic school.  I feel like they are getting a well rounded education, both of them are dyslexic and the school has worked with us to address the issue (We pushed the issue until the school gave the accommodations, and allowed outside help to address their needs.  It was not just my wife and I two other couples joined in on our push).  
The only real problem I have had with the school is when they wanted to take the 7th graders to protest a planned parenthood facility.  I think that activism should be a personal decision, and the school was wrong in doing this.  I did not allow my son to go, while i did not make a public spectacle of the situation there were several heated discussions with school officials.  (for the record, I am against abortion as convenience, but that is an entirely different discussion) 

Over the past six months my oldest has started asking my wife and I questions about the catholic faith.  He also has pointed out some of my "indiscretions" ie: I do go to mass with my wife and kids but i never bother with confession, and i often skip holy days of obligation.  The kids are both heavily involved in sports and other activities outside the school and church.  We do participate in some school sports/activities but unlike some of our friends we don't tend to rotate around the church.  I have always been very careful how I answer religious questions.  I ask him what the church teaches, then i ask him what other reasons/motivations could be involved.  I admit to throwing out small pieces of rationality, mainly to see if he can put it together.  

These questions have become deeper and often involve some of the deeply ingrained catholic beliefs and traditions.  I do not remember asking my parents questions about the catholic church like he does us.  I just don't remember caring that much, my father and I are very close and i can't remember a time in my life where I would not ask his advise but religion never came up, as i remember.  I guess my son's wiring is different than mine, perhaps they have better religion teachers now.  I do encourage him to ask me questions about pretty much anything, which is very similar to the relationship my father an I enjoy.

This is what I want help with.

I am curious as to if I should flat out tell my oldest (13) I do not believe in god or do I let him arrive to that conclusion on his own?   I would still encourage him to make his own mind up.

   Here are some of my thoughts on the matter:
      In my opinion I suffered no ill effects from a very similar upbringing.
      I do think that my opinion will carry a heavy weight with him, keeping my true thoughts from him is very much against my nature, but this is about him not me.
      The family dynamic may suffer some short term friction. (Keep in mind that our lives do not rotate around the catholic church, our children's well being is our main concern) 

Thanks for any and all reply's. I tend to write forum posts as a stream of consciousness so forgive grammatical errors.

HM

I have two girls. One has just turned 18, the other is 20. I am atheist. Thier father is deist. My mother is very religious. My father went half way through seminary but died agnostic or at least he was non practicing. My in laws are Christian but not dramatically.

We let the girls go to church with grandparents. We let them have the religious books, videos and toys grandparents gave them. We let them go to church. We talked about both the cultural importance of those things, and also why we didn't believe in them. We talked more seriously after the girls passed ten or so.

The result? One child believed for a few years. The other never did. The one who believed is the more forceful atheist, but they are both atheists.

Don't lie to your kids. Don't hid others' beliefs either.

Talk to your wife about this and be open about what you each believe and why.

[Astreja]

At school in the early 60's some kids were going around in shellshock telling everybody- "WOW, there was a brandnew group on TV last night called the Beatles, they were absolutely fabulous and sensational, you GOTTA check 'em out!"
We checked and yeah, we thought they were fab too..
Same with Jesus, most atheists have got the wrong idea about him, so christians naturally want them to know he's fab too...

Interesting.  I read the Bible for the first time just as the Beatles hit North America in 1963-64.  I got the album Twist and Shout on the strength of the song "She Loves You," which is the first piece of music I ever loved.  I watched A Hard Day's Night.  I saw the Beatles live on the Ed Sullivan Show.

The Beatles won that war for my heart, hands-down.  It wasn't even close.

Hammok Man, as I can't gauge the extent of your children's faith the only advice I'm going to give is to answer truthfully if you're ever asked directly whether or not you believe. Beyond that, it doesn't sound like any urgent action is required at this time.

[Harry Nevis]

So you're equating musical tastes with  salvation by god.  I guess it's best if you don't think to deep about your beliefs much....

Deep thinking is fine but we shouldn't overdo it..-
Paul said - "I'm worried lest you be led astray from the simplicity of Christ" (2 Cor 11:3)
I like the Beatles, and I like Jesus, seems simple enough to me..-
Jesus said- "You're my friends if you follow me: I don't call you servants, instead I call you friends" (John 15:15)

I don't think you have to worry...

[Hammok Man]

I have two girls. One has just turned 18, the other is 20.  I am atheist.  Thier father is deist.  My mother is very religious.  My father went half way through seminary but died agnostic or at least he was non  practicing. My in laws are Christian but not dramatically.

We let the girls go to church with grandparents.   We let them have the religious books, videos and toys grandparents gave them.  We let them go to church.  We talked about both the cultural importance of those things, and also why we didn't believe in them.  We talked more seriously after the girls passed ten or so.

The result?  One child believed for a few years.  The other never did. The one who believed is the more forceful atheist, but they are both atheists.

Don't lie to your kids. Don't hid others' beliefs either.

Talk to your wife about this and be open about what you each believe and why.

I am going to let things run there course. I'll let the boys make up their own mind.  If they ask me flat out, i'll tell the truth.  I like to think that I am teaching them to think critically, I all ways ask them about motivations.  When you can see both sides of an argument it is usually evident which chose is good for you and others.

[mordant]

I have two girls. One has just turned 18, the other is 20.  I am atheist.  Thier father is deist.  My mother is very religious.  My father went half way through seminary but died agnostic or at least he was non  practicing. My in laws are Christian but not dramatically.

We let the girls go to church with grandparents.   We let them have the religious books, videos and toys grandparents gave them.  We let them go to church.  We talked about both the cultural importance of those things, and also why we didn't believe in them.  We talked more seriously after the girls passed ten or so.

The result?  One child believed for a few years.  The other never did. The one who believed is the more forceful atheist, but they are both atheists.

Don't lie to your kids. Don't hide others' beliefs either.

Talk to your wife about this and be open about what you each believe and why.

This is pretty much what happened to my current wife. During her child rearing years she probably would have identified as agnostic and had no appreciable religious background herself. Nevertheless she sent her son & daughter to a religious day care, and because her daughter expressed an interest, got her a children's Bible story book which was part of her bedtime story reading.

Eventually the daughter, who was very social, became very involved in the Presbyterian church her biological father attended, but at 18 when she completed catechism class, where they made a big show of letting the kids come to their own conclusions, her own conclusion was that god doesn't exist. I don't think they expected it to backfire like that. As for her brother -- never believed it for a second and still doesn't. So ... you could say one child believed for a few years, the other never did. Although I would say in our case the one who NEVER believed is the more "forceful" atheist. I think, honestly, my stepdaughter just doesn't ponder existential / philosophical questions all that much. My stepson on the other hand is majoring in philosophy at university.

Your point about not hiding other's beliefs is also well taken. Logic and evidence are on the side of atheism, so unlike with theists, believers are not a threat to us. It's true they have a social majority status in their favor, but arguably a child who cannot stand up to that probably will be better off being a conformist anyway.