Three Christian Women marry Jesus

[Divinity]

They're called nuns. Literally hundreds of thousands of Irish women married Yeshua bar Yosef, including my aunt.

I don't think they actually have a marriage ceremony though like these whackos.  Otherwise they'd realize that Christianity is just a polygamous cult.

[The Grand Nudger]

It -is- amusing to hear that the Head Witch of Where the Fuck Ever is somehow empowered to consign the lord of the cosmos into a unilaterally proposed polygamous relationship, isn't it?

[The Valkyrie]

I thought this was going to be a joke.

"Three women marry Jesus but he was only up for a day."

[Rhondazvous]

They're called nuns. Literally hundreds of thousands of Irish women married Yeshua bar Yosef, including my aunt.

Maybe they want people to think they're doing something different from your garden variety nuns so they'll be canonized as saints.

There were 3 nuns at a vegetable stand where cucumbers were on sale 4 for a dollar.
Fist nun: Wait a minute, there are 4 cucumbers but only 3 of us.
Other nun: Well, we can always eat one.

[Minimalist]

1. Q: What kind of fun does a priest have?
  A: None.

2. Q: How do you get rid of a nun's hiccups???
  A: Tell her she's pregnant!!!

3. Q: What is the definition of suspicion?
  A: A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field.

4. Q: What is the definition of innocence?
  A: A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping
     bags for mice.

5. Q: What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep?
  A: A roaming catholic.

6. Q: What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
  A: A tran-sister.

7. Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
  A: Dress her up as an altar boy.

8.Q: What's black and white and red and has trouble getting
    through a revolving door?
 A: A nun with a spear through her head!

[Thumpalumpacus]

On the bright side, they won't be reproducing ... that we know of.

Fist nun:

Best typo of the month.

[The Valkyrie]

I think I've told this one before.

My old boss told it at a staff meeting...


Every day for twenty years two nuns have ridden their bikes from the convent on the hill down to town to do work, returning in the evening, up the same road they have always used.

One morning they get on their bikes and are partway to town when they see that the road ahead of them is closed and a detour in place down and old, otherwise unused cobblestone road.

Needless to say, after a much longer trip down this juddering road, they finally get to town, both looking a little worse for wear.

"Well," said the first nun, "I've never come that way before!"

"No," agreed the second nun, "It must be the cobblestones."

[Thumpalumpacus]

I know I've told this one here:

The local convent was organizing a charity bakesale with a nearby monastery, but with some last-minute difficulties, Brother Gregory had to walk over to the convent so that he and the Mother Superior could iron out the problems.

Now, the convent was in a pretty rough part of town, and Brother Gregory had to make his way past whores plying their trade. Finally, though, he got to the convent, where he and the Mother Superior got down to business. After making all the arrangements, the nun asked the monk if he had any more questions.

"Why, yes, Mother Superior," he said, and explained how he had walked over to the convent. "Now, I know what a 'good time' is, Mary Agnes," he finished up, "But what, pray tell, is a 'blow job'?"

"Oh," she replied, "Ten bucks, same as downtown."

---

While driving to church, an elderly priest has a flat tire. A young man passing by offers to change the flat. His offer is accepted.

"There you go, Father... All set," says the young man as he finishes mounting the spare.

"Are the lug nuts on tight? I wouldn't want the wheel to fall off," says the elderly priest.

"Yes, Father. They're as tight as a nun," answers the non-Catholic young man.

"Well, in that case," says the priest, "you better give 'em another couple of turns."

---

Sister Mary burst into the office of the principal of Our Lady of
Perpetual Motion parochial school in an advanced state of agitation.
"Father!" she cried, "Just WAIT until you hear this!"
The priest led the sister to a chair, and said, "Now just calm down and tell me what has you so excited?"
"Well, Father" the nun began, "I was just walking down the hall to the chapel and I heard some of the older boys wagering money!"
"A serious infraction, indeed!" said the priest.
"But that's not what has me so excited, father" replied the nun, "it was what they were wagering on! They had wagered on a contest to see who could urinate the highest on the wall!!"
"What an incredible wager!" exclaimed the priest,
"What did you do?"
"Well, I was very angry, I'm afraid I hit the ceiling, father."
"How much did you win?"

[Rhondazvous]

1. Q: What kind of fun does a priest have?
  A: None.

2. Q: How do you get rid of a nun's hiccups???
  A: Tell her she's pregnant!!!

3. Q: What is the definition of suspicion?
  A: A nun doing press-ups in a cucumber field.

4. Q: What is the definition of innocence?
  A: A nun working in a condom factory thinking she's making sleeping
     bags for mice.

5. Q: What do you call a nun who walks in her sleep?
  A: A roaming catholic.

6. Q: What do you call a nun with a sex change operation?
  A: A tran-sister.

7. Q: How do you get a nun pregnant?
  A: Dress her up as an altar boy.

8.Q: What's black and white and red and has trouble getting
    through a revolving door?
 A: A nun with a spear through her head!

What do you cal a nun who walks in her sleep?
I didn't call her. The priest did.

[GUBU]

They're called nuns. Literally hundreds of thousands of Irish women married Yeshua bar Yosef, including my aunt.

I don't think they actually have a marriage ceremony though like these whackos.  Otherwise they'd realize that Christianity is just a polygamous cult.

I don't know about what goes on in the investment ceremony, but ome of the official titles for a nun is "bride of christ". So I wouldn't be surprised if nuns do "marry" him.