Atheist Marriage

[Rhizomorph13]

Hey everyone,

I would like some advice. My fiance and I are both atheist and want to get married. We don't see it as a Christian thing but a human thing to get family and friends together to celebrate our union. We asked her father to officiate the wedding then reneged when we figured out that it wouldn't work for him to officiate and act as her parent due to the way our ceremony flows. Her father knows she is atheist.

Upon sending this information:

Hi Dad,
I was looking over the ceremony today and I realized that it would be rather cumbersome for you to read the parent support vows and then be expected to answer simultaneously. I think that it might be better to have someone else officiate in order to avoid this. I hope that will be okay with you. Also, I am sure that your family will be accompanying you. So, I would like to ask if your family would be willing to greet guests at the gift and guestbook table?


I hope everything is going well with all. Please let me know what you think. Talk to you soon.


Love, Rhizomorph's fiance

She received this reply:

Hi Angel,
It was neat to hear from you since I was just getting ready to call or e-mail you that GOD would not allow me to unite you and Greg. I spent a lot of time on this it I hope it doesn't offend you either. I do look forward to seeing you soon and I will see if my family want to help out. Let me know how things are going.

Love In JESUS
dad

I love the all caps GOD and JESUS!

I told her to ask why and this was the exchange:

Hey dad, why? I would like to know the reason God wouldn't allow you to officiate your daughter's wedding.

Dear Rhizomorph13's fiance,
I am held accountable to GOD for uniting people that believe in HIM and who honor HIM. As much as I love you Olivia I love GOD more then anyone else. I have to answer to HIM and I will not go against HIM. I hope you understand and know I will always be there for you. I look forward to your wedding day. I love you.

Love In JESUS
dad

Bolding = my edits

My question is, "How should we handle this?" I am not that upset, it is just a preacher telling his opinion but my fiance is really worked up about it and wants to hurt him somehow by telling him that it is this sort of religious crap that is keeping him estranged from his sons. I think she should just say something along the lines of, "Well you do what you need to do, see you at the wedding. "

What do you think?

[Shell B]

I think weddings are stressful already because family members inject their wants and needs into it. You guys don't need the added stress of a fight. However, I think you should compromise on this, as he is her father. If I were her, I would say, the opinion you hold and the forcefulness of it alienate you from your children. However, I want my wedding to be a happy occasion, so I want you, my father, to be there. I do ask that you keep your opinions about mine and my future husband's lack of belief to yourself while you are there. It is to be the happiest day of our lives and any negativity will keep it from being as special as it should be.

[Rhizomorph13]

Fuck, that is brilliant Shell; I wish I could rate you up twice for it!

[Gawdzilla]

I have a PDF of secular ceremonies if you're interested in looking it over. We picked the parts we liked best from several different items and made our own. The officiant was a long-time friend of Ayaan's.

[Rhizomorph13]

Thanks Gawdzilla, but we already have cobbled together a ceremony with bits and pieces of humanist ceremonies that we like. We actually sent our ceremony to him to see if he would object to parts of it; we were trying to work with him. Apparently GOD speaks directly to him and told him he couldn't do it. GLARF told me that people who hear voices are crazy!

[Gawdzilla]

Thanks Gawdzilla, but we already have cobbled together a ceremony with bits and pieces of humanist ceremonies that we like. We actually sent our ceremony to him to see if he would object to parts of it; we were trying to work with him. Apparently GOD speaks directly to him and told him he couldn't do it. GLARF told me that people who hear voices are crazy!

Okay, then. If anybody else wants a copy I'll post a URL.

[Eudaimonia]

I think weddings are stressful already because family members inject their wants and needs into it. You guys don't need the added stress of a fight. However, I think you should compromise on this, as he is her father. If I were her, I would say, the opinion you hold and the forcefulness of it alienate you from your children. However, I want my wedding to be a happy occasion, so I want you, my father, to be there. I do ask that you keep your opinions about mine and my future husband's lack of belief to yourself while you are there. It is to be the happiest day of our lives and any negativity will keep it from being as special as it should be.

Excellent.. Very classy response.. :-)

This is one of the dangers of religion imo.. The inability to connect with humans but the ability to remain loyal to an invisible being..

[Shell B]

Fuck, that is brilliant Shell; I wish I could rate you up twice for it!

Aw, shucks. I hope it helps you guys manage the potential hostility.

[Minimalist]

I have to say that Shel's idea is much more diplomatic than anything I could have come up with.....




which would have entailed you getting married wearing these.

[Shell B]

Min, I typically do not give a shit if I hurt a stranger's feelings. However, I am very family oriented, so I think it is best to let differences slide when people truly love each other, as her father clearly loves her, even though he loves GOD more. On the other hand, if he had been extremely judgmental or hurtful to her, I would have suggested telling him to fuck off. Family is important only so long as family is supportive and loving. If family is toxic and hurtful, then you might as well be strangers, in my opinion. I have written off my fair share of family members, but I have enough to go around.