She's 6 and was having a "big questions" moment yesterday evening, talking about death.  I told her that "it happens to everyone" but that for her, "it is a long, long time away..."  I told her that when a person dies that person is buried in the ground, but then she got really upset and started crying, asking, "That's what they will do to me?!  Put me in the ground!"  And, so, I soon told her that after awhile that the person turns into an angel, and a short time later, she got very happy and we went online and a looked at pictures of angels, and then, lots of questions about what angels eat, the clothes they wear, whether they visit the Earth or leave it, etc., etc.  We also talked about guinea pig angels and cats angels, etc.

I am not raising my kids to be atheists, but to think for themselves, and so, we have taught our kids about the existence of Santa Claus, fairies, etc., and I figure, when they get old enough, they'll figure it out.  Still, I have always known how religious faith can be comforting, especially, to a little child, but to see it in action, was a bit of an epiphanic moment for me.

Still, though, I don't believe in any of it, like Santa Claus, but I was so happy to see my little girl comforted.

I'm still on the fence about even telling my daughter about Santa Clause. I mean to each their own and hell if my Catholic husband wants to teach her faith so be it but for me I would rather her hurt from reality than tell her lies. I won't just be like look you die and that's the end of it. I will probably use the whole going to sleep idea.

Personally I don't plan on teaching my future kids (if I have any) anything that I don't strongly believe in myself. I'm not going to be doing the whole Santa clause/Easter bunny/tooth fairy thing, but I don't think there is anything particularly harmful in it for the parents who do. My parents did, and while it was disappointing to come to terms with the truth as I got older, it still definitely made my childhood Christmases and Easters more exciting.

(August 30, 2017 at 10:46 am)mlmooney89 Wrote: I'm still on the fence about even telling my daughter about Santa Clause. I mean to each their own and hell if my Catholic husband wants to teach her faith so be it but for me I would rather her hurt from reality than tell her lies. I won't just be like look you die and that's the end of it. I will probably use the whole going to sleep idea.

I have used that idea with my older kids (we have 5), and they have been completely okay with it.  But, my approach has been one more of agnosticism; they seem to be okay with that, also.  I have told them that they really need to believe in "Life before death".

Or you could come up with complete wacky explanations yourself that you know they'll figure out as being wrong pretty soon. Like when we die we become non-corporeal space aardvarks that float around the galaxy but most people generally prefer to live on the dark side of the moon in this solar system.

Do that all the time and she will learn to question everything that you tell her. She'll learn how to tell that you are telling her bullshit (e.g. she'll ask why an aardvark?). As she grows up it will become a habit and natural to also question similar levels of wackiness that other people actually do believe in such as angels, gods, demons and souls.

(August 30, 2017 at 10:42 am)Jehanne Wrote: She's 6 and was having a "big questions" moment yesterday evening, talking about death.  I told her that "it happens to everyone" but that for her, "it is a long, long time away..."  I told her that when a person dies that person is buried in the ground, but then she got really upset and started crying, asking, "That's what they will do to me?!  Put me in the ground!"  And, so, I soon told her that after awhile that the person turns into an angel, and a short time later, she got very happy and we went online and a looked at pictures of angels, and then, lots of questions about what angels eat, the clothes they wear, whether they visit the Earth or leave it, etc., etc.  We also talked about guinea pig angels and cats angels, etc.

I am not raising my kids to be atheists, but to think for themselves, and so, we have taught our kids about the existence of Santa Claus, fairies, etc., and I figure, when they get old enough, they'll figure it out.  Still, I have always known how religious faith can be comforting, especially, to a little child, but to see it in action, was a bit of an epiphanic moment for me.

Still, though, I don't believe in any of it, like Santa Claus, but I was so happy to see my little girl comforted.

1. Her questions about angels  Adorable (especially" pig angels and cats angels,")

2. When i told my nephew about death . I just repeated what my grandmother told me . That when you die you simply go back to the earth and become part of something greater.

(August 30, 2017 at 11:19 am)Mathilda Wrote: Or you could come up with complete wacky explanations yourself that you know they'll figure out as being wrong pretty soon. Like when we die we become non-corporeal space aardvarks that float around the galaxy but most people generally prefer to live on the dark side of the moon in this solar system.

Do that all the time and she will learn to question everything that you tell her. She'll learn how to tell that you are telling her bullshit (e.g. she'll ask why an aardvark?). As she grows up it will become a habit and natural to also question similar levels of wackiness that other people actually do believe in such as angels, gods, demons and souls.

Oh, I agree that at some point one, as a parent, has to quit!  But, it's a choice of comforting a small, little girl who did not understand the solar eclipse of a week ago but who enjoyed it nonetheless, except when the insects started going crazy during the moment of totality and started attacking her, albeit, briefly!  By the way, I am not the final authority in my children's lives, which lies, for me, with modern scholarship.  In that regard, I introduce my children to such sources, something which my parents never did for me, and I suffered as a child because of that.

I had plans for what I was going to say about death to my daughter.
When one of our budgies died and I had to tell her, I was suddenly possessed by my dad and I said, 'when you die it's all over, red rover. Everyone dies, me, you, mum, granny.'
She asked when, I said, ' not for ages, don't worry about it.'
I hope her mum did a better job. :-)

Personally I couldn't lie to my (hypothetical) kid like that. But maybe it's necessary in which case I'm lucky I don't have kids.

As fun as Santa Claus, for instance, is supposed to be..... I trusted my parents much less when I realized it was a bunch of bullshit. But not because my parents were deluded... but, what's much worse, because they were LIARS (which just strengthened my (still existent) phobia against even 'harmless' white lies). Petty maybe, but being lied to for any reason (especially something like tradition) definitely damaged me more than any of the fun the idea of Santa Claus brought. I would have been a happier kid if I was told that a lot of kids are lied to by their parents about Santa Claus but he isn't real but I must not spoil it for any other kid because their parents have chosen to lie to them and it's none of my business. I'd have trusted my parents a lot more and had a much easier childhood if I felt like they were being honest with me in ways that most parents aren't. It would have made me feel like my parents were special (like a lot of people feel about their parents, for some reason). Rather than realize they're POS mediocre fuckers like a lot of parents.

Yeah, sounds harsh but it really did affect me that much and I'm just speaking from my child self here. Obviously I don't feel that strongly about it anymore but I did when I was a kid. Hell, maybe I was just an odd kid.

Anyways, to be more precisely on topic.... if I were lied to about death and told the afterlife was real.... I'd have been far more hurt when I discovered it was bullshit, than I ever was upset by the fact I'm going to die (and I distinctly remember being very upset about it.... but nothing upset me more as a kid than being lied to by my parents----(hell, I used to feel very hurt when I was lied to by STRANGERS and I was absolutely incapable of lying as a kid, I think. I don't ever remember lying once. Learning to lie, as a child, is supposed to be a sign of intelligence. So I guess I was a dumb kid (just kidding, I was a smart kid, I was just an odd kid). I don't include sarcasm or kidding. I am talking about lying as an intent to deceive and it's not a game and not a joke and not sarcasm. I don't lie. I can't help it I have this weird compulsion. Anyways....)----And if I'd been lied to and then discovered the truth is I AM going to die, I would have been far, far, FAR more hurt by that (and it's not like I'd find out when I was an adult. I was a smart kid and I'd have figured it out by myself within a couple of years anyway. Which would hurt a lot more than being told the truth (which, thankfully I was in the case of there being no afterlife, although I was lied to about Santa and that did hurt me very much))).

The things my parents told me about this sort of thing have been very influential, long remembered and I put a lot of weight on, and I think telling her that was a bad idea. Maybe it'll fix itself if she questions it more.