"Your mother was loose, I'm your real dad. Nepotism is still a thing, right?"

(February 13, 2021 at 7:37 pm)no one Wrote: "Your mother was loose, I'm your real dad. Nepotism is still a thing, right?"

"I am flexible. When you say under the table, just lock your office door."

Interviewer: 'Where do you see yourself in five years?'

Me: 'Five YEARS? I'm just trying to make it to Friday, motherfucker.'

Boru

"My friends call me Five Fingers."

"I like to bid farewell to the customers with, "fuck you, have a shitty day".

Interview for bartender, " If your bottles are not measuring exactly to sales, it was because I was having  little nip."

Interview at Walmart, "I love unions."

Interview for public transportation, " Why do I have to have a clean driving record?"

Or, " Can I bring a cooler with a 6 pack with me?"

"I used to be a Trump staffer."

"I'm hired? Great! Banks are easier to case from the inside. And nobody will blink when I come in armed."

Rand Paul being interviewed at a milk refinery, " Just drink it raw."

Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?

Interviewee: I see red and beat the fuck out of people who ask me questions designed to make me uncomfortable...

"Got any fries to with that.....shake?"

"Nice tits."

"Did your parents have any kids that lived?"

"What are my skills? Let's ask your mom."

Interviewer: What's this four year gap in your resume?

Applicant: That's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: Very impressive. You're hired.

Applicant: Thanks, I really need this yob.

Boru

Interviewer: 'What do you make at your current job?'

Applicant: 'Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.'

Boru