Things not to say on a job interview.

[no one]

"Your mother was loose, I'm your real dad. Nepotism is still a thing, right?"

[Brian37]

"Your mother was loose, I'm your real dad. Nepotism is still a thing, right?"

"I am flexible. When you say under the table, just lock your office door."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Interviewer: 'Where do you see yourself in five years?'

Me: 'Five YEARS? I'm just trying to make it to Friday, motherfucker.'

Boru

[Brian37]

"My friends call me Five Fingers."

"I like to bid farewell to the customers with, "fuck you, have a shitty day".

Interview for bartender, " If your bottles are not measuring exactly to sales, it was because I was having  little nip."

Interview at Walmart, "I love unions."

Interview for public transportation, " Why do I have to have a clean driving record?"

Or, " Can I bring a cooler with a 6 pack with me?"

"I used to be a Trump staffer."

[Gawdzilla Sama]

"I'm hired? Great! Banks are easier to case from the inside. And nobody will blink when I come in armed."

[Brian37]

Rand Paul being interviewed at a milk refinery, " Just drink it raw."

[onlinebiker]

Interviewer: What's your greatest weakness?

Interviewee: I see red and beat the fuck out of people who ask me questions designed to make me uncomfortable...

[no one]

"Got any fries to with that.....shake?"

"Nice tits."

"Did your parents have any kids that lived?"

"What are my skills? Let's ask your mom."

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Interviewer: What's this four year gap in your resume?

Applicant: That's when I went to Yale.

Interviewer: Very impressive. You're hired.

Applicant: Thanks, I really need this yob.

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Interviewer: 'What do you make at your current job?'

Applicant: 'Mostly mistakes and inappropriate comments.'

Boru