(June 14, 2021 at 11:42 am)Darinda Wrote: It was my first time visiting Dr. Putz for a colonoscopy.  I went into his office for my first rectal exam.  His new blond nurse, Evelyn, took me to an examining room.  She told me to get undressed and have a seat until the doctor could see me.  She said that he would be only a few minutes.
 
After putting on the gown that she gave me I sat down.  While waiting, I observed there were three items on a stand next to the exam table: a tube of K-Y jelly, a rubber glove, and a beer. 
When Dr. Putz finally came in I said, "Look Doc, I'm a little confused. 
This is my first exam.  I know what the K-Y is for.  And, I know what the glove is for.  But can you tell me what the BEER is for?" 
At that, Doctor Putz became noticeably outraged and stormed over to the door.  He flung the door open and yelled to his new blonde nurse, "Damn it, Evelyn!!!  I said  ~ A BUTT LIGHT!"

Reminds me of the one where a nurse is prepping a patient for surgery when a blood-curdling scream comes from the room. The surgeon rushes in, assesses the situation and says, ‘Oh my God, nurse - I told to remove his spectacles!’

Boru

Someone keeps sending me bunches of celery, and I can't find out who's doing it.



Boru

A Marine comes into town on leave, only to find that the only hotel in town is booked up.

‘But you’ve GOT to have space somewhere,’ pleads the marine. ‘I’ll take anything, honestly.’

‘Well,’ says the manager, ‘I have one double room with just one occupant, a Navy file, and he might be willing to split the cost.’

‘Brilliant, I’ll take it!,’ says the marine.

‘Ok, but before you do, I should tell you - he snores something fierce. So loudly, in fact, that people in the adjoining rooms have complain.’

‘Not to worry,’ says the marine, I can deal with snoring.’ So he signs the register and goes up to his room.

The next morning, the marine comes downstairs looking perfectly well rested. ‘No problem with the snoring, then?’ asks the manager.

‘Nope, never heard a thing.’

‘How on earth did you manage that?’

‘Perfectly simple. He was already asleep when I got to the room. I kissed him gently on the lips and whispered, “Good night, beautiful.”  He sat up all night watching me.’

Boru

A red boat hit a blue boat at sea.

Both crews were marooned.

What do you call toast at the zoo?



Boru

If I make a joke about dark matter, does that make it dark humor?

(June 17, 2021 at 1:38 pm)Brian37 Wrote: If I make a joke about dark matter, does that make it dark humor?

Dunno. Make one and we'll have a vote.

Boru

"I like my women like how I like Donald Trump," said the Necrophiliac.

Me: Go fuck yourself.

Lady in queue: Excuse me, my 10 year old can hear you.

Me: That's who I was talking to.

Boru

(June 18, 2021 at 5:26 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: Me: Go fuck yourself.

Lady in queue: Excuse me, my 10 year old can hear you.

Me: That's who I was talking to.

Boru

Wait, you mean you're not supposed to do that?