Mary Clancy goes up to Father McGuire after his Sunday morning service, and she’s in tears. He says, “So what’s bothering you, Mary my dear?”

She says, “Oh, Father, I’ve got terrible news. My husband passed away last night.”

The priest says, “Oh, Mary, that’s terrible. Tell me, Mary, did he have any last requests?”

She says, “That he did, Father.”

The priest says, “What did he ask, Mary? ”

She says, “He said, ‘Please Mary, put down that damn gun.’ “

Just stole a Tesla.

Now it's an Edison.

A pun walks into a room and kills ten people.

Pun in, ten dead.

Boru

Whats the difference between Jesus and a Thug.
Jesus says he is Holy and son of God.

I have the body of an champion athlete, the brain of a genius, the heart of a poet...



...and the keys to the morgue.

Who still has a land line?

Old people.

Whats the difference between God and Maniac.
Maniac doesn't think he is Holy.

(September 2, 2022 at 2:43 am)Tomato Wrote: Who still has a land line?

Old people.

I resemble that comment!

Bundling a land line with my Internet is cheaper than Internet alone.  Go figure.

A child asked his father, “How were people born?” So his father said, “Adam and Eve made babies, then their babies became adults and made babies, and so on.” The child then went to his mother, asked her the same question and she told him, “We were monkeys then we evolved to become like we are now.” The child ran back to his father and said, “You lied to me!” His father replied, “No, your mom was talking about her side of the family.”