I don't think I've ever met such a friend but I wound up with a few.

When I was dating I always felt I was ultimately looking for a partner. So I would do many things with the women I met like listen carefully to what they tell me about themselves, tell them honestly about me what they needed to know, have sex with them, explore humor with them, talk politics and philosophy with them, and explore the outdoors with them.

There were times when one or the other of us realized the connection wasn't strong enough to take further, but plenty of times we'd go on enjoying what we liked about the other until a better lead came along. I suppose you could call us friends with benefits during this phase of the relationship.

My current wife had a once a week arrangement with an old boyfriend Bud when we first met. I don't recall when I found that out but I didn't think anything of it. I wasn't connected with anyone at the time but I did have an ex-girlfriend who gave better blowjobs than a gay guy .. and really, really enjoyed doing it. Anytime I stopped by we both knew where it would end up. So at some point, when I felt strongly enough about where my current wife and my relationship was going, I mentioned how long it had been since I'd visited Ramona. That lead to sharing her special tastes and skills (she also played piano beautifully). It was very easy to agree we were ready to leave aside both Bud and Ramona and try being exclusive.

I have had two FWB situations in my lifetime, but they were not with close friends. Actually, both evolved out of relationships. IMO, it works as long as it's not the first time you've had sex with that person. The passion of a new love affair can be infectious, and one person is going to develop feelings, almost as a rule. One of you will get jealous when the other person starts dating someone, there will be awkward conversations on how to end it when you don't want to end it, there will be weird situations when the sex is more love-makey than screwy and you start to wonder wether that means something. It's just a lot of trouble and weird stuff to deal with, and even though it can be great sex, it messes with your mind.

At work, but want to reply to some of your replies here. Thanks for the ideas and advice. For the most part, sounds good in theory, maybe not in practicality.

I've dated guys who started as friends but they weren't "FWB." I'm not interested in love, but maybe that is the inevitable "destination" when we have sex with someone on a regular basis.

"Friends with benefits?"

Yes, please. As many of these friends as possible.

Only if he is rich and does not mind sharing the wealth with me, but I am not a golddigger. I swear!

(March 27, 2014 at 10:31 am)whateverist Wrote: I don't think I've ever met such a friend but I wound up with a few.

When I was dating I always felt I was ultimately looking for a partner. So I would do many things with the women I met like listen carefully to what they tell me about themselves, tell them honestly about me what they needed to know, have sex with them, explore humor with them, talk politics and philosophy with them, and explore the outdoors with them.

There were times when one or the other of us realized the connection wasn't strong enough to take further, but plenty of times we'd go on enjoying what we liked about the other until a better lead came along. I suppose you could call us friends with benefits during this phase of the relationship.

My current wife had a once a week arrangement with an old boyfriend Bud when we first met. I don't recall when I found that out but I didn't think anything of it. I wasn't connected with anyone at the time but I did have an ex-girlfriend who gave better blowjobs than a gay guy .. and really, really enjoyed doing it. Anytime I stopped by we both knew where it would end up. So at some point, when I felt strongly enough about where my current wife and my relationship was going, I mentioned how long it had been since I'd visited Ramona. That lead to sharing her special tastes and skills (she also played piano beautifully). It was very easy to agree we were ready to leave aside both Bud and Ramona and try being exclusive.

This story made me smile, I think falling in love the way you both did seemed effortless and therefore, genuine. I'm happy for you both. :-)

(March 27, 2014 at 10:42 am)Deidre32 Wrote: At work, but want to reply to some of your replies here. Thanks for the ideas and advice. For the most part, sounds good in theory, maybe not in practicality.

I've dated guys who started as friends but they weren't "FWB." I'm not interested in love, but maybe that is the inevitable "destination" when we have sex with someone on a regular basis.

This. Several long term relationships have started this way.

I could never do it. I'm just not built that way. I don't judge others who do, but it's not for me.

(March 27, 2014 at 11:52 am)rasetsu Wrote: I could never do it. I'm just not built that way. I don't judge others who do, but it's not for me.

I can understand this. I've just been hurt so. I don't trust love, anymore.
Idk.

I will not post in this thread. I'm scurred!



Oh wait...