Hey,

Concerning your religious friends, you don't have to play the atheist card right away or at all. It's possible to have a conversation about religious issues and doubts without going there. That way you might get an idea how they view atheism, if you really feel the need to raise the subject.

Concerning your parents - no one can expect of you to play the rebel hero. If you fear consequences for your future (e.g. concerning support for college) it is your right to hide your views.

What gets my blood boiling is the "If someone tells you to pray, you have to pray" bit. It's utterly degrading - especially, who is "someone"?

She knows how you feel now. Her opinion of your beliefs is not relevant so long as she doesn't hold them against you. Let the matter lie.

(September 2, 2014 at 6:20 pm)onebluethinker Wrote: I need some help. I'm having a moral crisis right now. Please hear me out, even though it's long.

I recently came out to my mother after almost a year of keeping the secret, hoping that they wouldn't hit me or disown me like they did in my nightmares. And then my mother laughed in my face. Well, figuratively.

She rambled for a few minutes about believing without proof, told me I was still young, that she didn't believe me, and that if someone told me to pray then I would have to. She told me that if I was serious in 5 years, maybe she would "think about it". Then, as my rage began building up, she smiled.

"Don't worry about it." she said.

Being shy, self-conscious me, I was crushed, but I had very low self-esteem and assumed my mother was correct. I watched the calendar for July 2nd, 2019 and went back to my life. But then I wondered if maybe I was right. And then I started to get mad.

I'm pretty sure she didn't even tell my dad. She must have assumed it was "just a phase."

I have never been more serious about anything in my life. Before I came out I was scared, I thought my life would change, I was going into depression and wishing I wasn't an atheist. By the time I built up the courage to come out I was really hopeful that I wouldn't have to hide anymore. Maybe I could even tell my two atheist friends, and we could talk about it. And then... well, my mom crushed my hopes.

What do I do? I really want to confront her but I'm scared the real her will come out and she'll yell at me, hate me, make all my friends and everyone I know hate me too.

I love her. She always told me she would always love me, but now my anxious brain is wondering if that's really true. I would love it if my whole family was atheist, but that can't happen. At least I want her to know I'm serious, even though I'm "only" in high school...

Please help me. I really hope that people on this forum are as nice, helpful, and understanding as they seem. I'm feeling really alone right now.

I'd say something like "It gets better" - but it doesn't sound that bad, actually. She isn't threatening to disown you or dragging you to church or staging an intervention.

I'm not a parent but I tried to imagine what it'd be like if my teenage son or daughter decided to become religious. I expect I'd be disappointed - after all, it is natural to want your children share your values and world-view. I might even try to argue it out of them or tell myself that its just a phase.

So, I don't think that your mother not immediately accepting your atheism is a severe blow. My suggestion is - stick with it. You've accepted her terms of seeing if you feel the same way for five years, now you should follow through. Make sure you understand the reasons for your atheism and make sure you can explain them when asked about it. The good thing about being an atheist here is that you are not really missing out on anything.

Hi onebluethinker, I have read your thread with interest. As a parent and an old guy I think you and your mum are going to be fine. And you will be fine too. I am not trying to be condescending to you just giving you the benefit of half a century of being on the planet. When you are young it all seems terribly important that you should know all the answers right away. Everything is urgent. Later on you start to realise that you can let somethings hang for a while and work them out later. Your mum was giving good advice really to just see how things go for 5 years and telling you not to worry.
I don't know about in the US, but most hindus I know in the UK are very laid back about their religion anyway. They just mix and match; they do puja at home and keep some traditions just because they are a link with home and they like them; then they will also celebrate Christmas and Easter along with everybody else.
My exwife is Sikh but she was born here and brought up singing Christian hyms and all that bollocks. Religion was never a factor, neither of us could be bothered .

(September 8, 2014 at 8:21 am)Alex K Wrote: What gets my blood boiling is the "If someone tells you to pray, you have to pray" bit. It's utterly degrading - especially, who is "someone"?

I agree with you, although I think what my mother really meant is that I better not let anyone find out, and I better not let anyone see me refusing to pray. I had a great relationship with my mom, with me never being anything close to a rebellious kid, and I think I will actually do what she says. I think it's probably best to wait until she takes me seriously instead of causing a spectacle in the temple, where many of my friends and my family's friends are, as degrading as prayer might be. Also, I'll probably forget all the prayers I have memorized if I do. Thanks for the encouragement.

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(September 13, 2014 at 2:02 am)genkaus Wrote: You've accepted her terms of seeing if you feel the same way for five years

Sorry if there was any misunderstanding, I actually came out on July 2nd, 2014 and have yet to wait five years. I was actually kind of wondering if I really should be taken seriously, since I'm only a high schooler and actually am not even a teenager yet.

To the op. They dropped you in the 10th grade at 12? No wonder your having a crisis as I am sure your fucking brilliant, but I find it difficult to believe a 12 year old would have the skills necessary to cope with high school. Hell I was 15 going in and didn't have the skills at all.

(September 13, 2014 at 10:38 am)onebluethinker Wrote: Sorry if there was any misunderstanding, I actually came out on July 2nd, 2014 and have yet to wait five years. I was actually kind of wondering if I really should be taken seriously, since I'm only a high schooler and actually am not even a teenager yet.

This sounds a little hostile in writing, so please know that there is no hostility here.

Wait 5 years for what? To be an atheist? But you are already an atheist.

To act like an atheist? But we, as a bunch, don't really do anything.

To tell everyone you are an atheist? I don't attach much value to others' acceptance of my belief, so I can't really empathize here. But you have told your mom and you can let your actions speak for you.

Wow I think being 12 in highschool would be more difficult than pretending to be Christian to appease your mother.

(September 13, 2014 at 1:35 pm)Losty Wrote: Wow I think being 12 in highschool would be more difficult than pretending to be Christian to appease your mother.

Not really. Btw I'm pretending to be Hindu, which is somewhat harder ( in my opinion) due to the need to memorize lots of prayers and remember a ton of various Hundu customs.

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(September 13, 2014 at 11:52 am)genkaus Wrote: This sounds a little hostile in writing, so please know that there is no hostility here.

Wait 5 years for what? To be an atheist? But you are already an atheist.

To act like an atheist? But we, as a bunch, don't really do anything.

To tell everyone you are an atheist? I don't attach much value to others' acceptance of my belief, so I can't really empathize here. But you have told your mom and you can let your actions speak for you.

It's probably for acceptance. Me being older will probably make people take me seriously, and my mom will definitely know I'm serious if I remembered the exact date.

(September 13, 2014 at 8:48 am)vodkafan Wrote: Hi onebluethinker, I have read your thread with interest. As a parent and an old guy I think you and your mum are going to be fine. And you will be fine too. I am not trying to be condescending to you just giving you the benefit of half a century of being on the planet. When you are young it all seems terribly important that you should know all the answers right away. Everything is urgent.

This reminds me of Jerry Seinfeld's come back on the Real Time show last night. Talking w/ Bill Mayer about going into their 60s Bill asked Jerry if he had a bucket list. Jerry said no but if he did he'd change the "b" to an "f".