(January 7, 2015 at 6:34 am)Alex K Wrote: That's a very good question. My impression (though I've only lived there for 2...3 years) is that these kinds of relations are at the same time more formalized and more pragmatic than in Europe. There is something like a rough industry standard of how couples initially meet, encapsulated in the concept "date". There is a standardized idea how dates usually go and how quickly they progress concerning intimacy, what with which things are appropriate on a first, second, third date. While this varies in particular depending on age of those involved, it does not seem to be arbitrary.
There are non-exclusive and exclusive variants, and initially dating is often non-exclusive. Much of these things have been captured in their cliché varieties in American pop culture such as Movies and TV Series and music.
All of this is very alien to me, and barely any (none of the more stable) of my relationships have started like this.

Really???

No.

They've been "captured" in movies, TV series, and music because those are the only places the relationship traits you describe happen. "Rough industry standard"? Try "cliché put forth by the media" that most people don't adhere to.

Sorry, Alex, but I was just reading your post, scratching my head. Let's let USians answer questions about USian dating, shall we? You watch too many movies! :p

Dating is different for every person in every area of the country. I've been dating for over twenty years, all over this country, and every experience has been different. Dating in Southern California is much different from dating in Tennessee, which is much different from dating in upstate NY, which is much different from my engagement to an Australian. Currently, I'm in California, dating a fellow native Tennessean. We are "exclusive", I guess, meaning neither one of us is seeing or wants to see anyone else, but we don't make a big deal out of it. We certainly didn't go for any kind of "industry standard" of what to do on the first, second, or third date.

(January 7, 2015 at 1:11 pm)alpha male Wrote: @OP: You can't respect her intellectually because from your POV she believes in fairy tales, or emotionally because she relies on fairy tales for comfort. Why date her?

This is exactly why I would not date a christian; I can't respect people who are willfully ignorant.

Extract all the security codes and then terminate.

Oh wait, I was thinking of something else.

(January 7, 2015 at 3:14 pm)rexbeccarox Wrote:

(January 7, 2015 at 6:34 am)Alex K Wrote: That's a very good question. My impression (though I've only lived there for 2...3 years) is that these kinds of relations are at the same time more formalized and more pragmatic than in Europe. There is something like a rough industry standard of how couples initially meet, encapsulated in the concept "date". There is a standardized idea how dates usually go and how quickly they progress concerning intimacy, what with which things are appropriate on a first, second, third date. While this varies in particular depending on age of those involved, it does not seem to be arbitrary.
There are non-exclusive and exclusive variants, and initially dating is often non-exclusive. Much of these things have been captured in their cliché varieties in American pop culture such as Movies and TV Series and music.
All of this is very alien to me, and barely any (none of the more stable) of my relationships have started like this.

Really???

No.

They've been "captured" in movies, TV series, and music because those are the only places the relationship traits you describe happen. "Rough industry standard"? Try "cliché put forth by the media" that most people don't adhere to.

Sorry, Alex, but I was just reading your post, scratching my head. Let's let USians answer questions about USian dating, shall we? You watch too many movies! :p

Dating is different for every person in every area of the country. I've been dating for over twenty years, all over this country, and every experience has been different. Dating in Southern California is much different from dating in Tennessee, which is much different from dating in upstate NY, which is much different from my engagement to an Australian. Currently, I'm in California, dating a fellow native Tennessean. We are "exclusive", I guess, meaning neither one of us is seeing or wants to see anyone else, but we don't make a big deal out of it. We certainly didn't go for any kind of "industry standard" of what to do on the first, second, or third date.

I was half admitting that I was mainly reciting a cliche of what "american dating' is supposedly. But I don't admit complete defeat, I've seen many friends go on dates and talk about them, and there was a common kernel of truth to the cliche, a way to talk about and to think about this dating thing, that just seemed distinctly off to me. You may not even see it bc. you're so used to it.

(January 7, 2015 at 6:20 pm)Alex K Wrote: I was half admitting that I was mainly reciting a cliche of what "american dating' is supposedly. But I don't admit complete defeat, I've seen many friends go on dates and talk about them, and there was a common kernel of truth to the cliche, a way to talk about and to think about this dating thing, that just seemed distinctly off to me. You may not even see it bc. you're so used to it.

Just 'cause it's not what you're used to doesn't mean something is "off" :p

Do I remember you saying you lived in Virginia? Maybe they do date in the cliché Hollywood way there. I dunno... I've never lived in Virginia

(January 7, 2015 at 6:41 pm)rexbeccarox Wrote:

(January 7, 2015 at 6:20 pm)Alex K Wrote: I was half admitting that I was mainly reciting a cliche of what "american dating' is supposedly. But I don't admit complete defeat, I've seen many friends go on dates and talk about them, and there was a common kernel of truth to the cliche, a way to talk about and to think about this dating thing, that just seemed distinctly off to me. You may not even see it bc. you're so used to it.

Just 'cause it's not what you're used to doesn't mean something is "off" :p

Do I remember you saying you lived in Virginia? Maybe they do date in the cliché Hollywood way there. I dunno... I've never lived in Virginia

I spent some time in TX as a youngster, though the closest I got to dating someone was senior prom and that one time I had a crush on a stripper... Long story. Anyways. I also spent some time in NY later.

(January 7, 2015 at 6:45 pm)Alex K Wrote:

(January 7, 2015 at 6:41 pm)rexbeccarox Wrote: Just 'cause it's not what you're used to doesn't mean something is "off" :p

Do I remember you saying you lived in Virginia? Maybe they do date in the cliché Hollywood way there. I dunno... I've never lived in Virginia

I spent some time in TX as a youngster, though the closest I got to dating someone was senior prom and that one time I had a crush on a stripper... Long story. Anyways. I also spent some time in NY later.

Hahaha! Why did I think you lived in VA?

Did you live in NYC? They treat dating like a business there. It's crazy! If you lived there, I can totally see where you got your impressions. It's one of the reasons I refuse to live there. I watch my friends who live there ripping their hair out daily.

It was awkward for me for a girl to like me because woman like me in a way because she is a christian i am a atheist.
so this is me yeah... god and stuff... love uh huh..... oh look at the time i should get going.

(January 7, 2015 at 7:04 pm)rexbeccarox Wrote:

(January 7, 2015 at 6:45 pm)Alex K Wrote: I spent some time in TX as a youngster, though the closest I got to dating someone was senior prom and that one time I had a crush on a stripper... Long story. Anyways. I also spent some time in NY later.

Hahaha! Why did I think you lived in VA?

Did you live in NYC? They treat dating like a business there. It's crazy! If you lived there, I can totally see where you got your impressions. It's one of the reasons I refuse to live there. I watch my friends who live there ripping their hair out daily.

I dunno, the closest I've ever come to virginia was getting lost in D.C.

We lived on Long island but often went to the city because LI is boring as hell.

(January 7, 2015 at 9:02 am)paulpablo Wrote: don't talk about the stuff they believe in that you don't believe in.

I've done the same when I dated muslims, christians a hindu, a girl who believed in mermaids, and so on.
..
I'm not going to miss out on loads of nice girls and lots of good sex ..

Do you really think it is ok to lie to a girl to get sex?
Even if it is only the lie of omission, If you know you aren't the right guy for her then you are committing a type of fraud upon her. Some extremists might even call it rape.