Posts: 18544
Threads: 145
Joined: March 18, 2015
Reputation:
100
RE: joke time
October 12, 2017 at 9:25 pm
(October 12, 2017 at 8:27 pm)Cyberman Wrote: (October 12, 2017 at 3:32 am)ignoramus Wrote: and the other cunts who interrupt other people whilst they're in the middle of a sentence? 
I get that all the
Hey....
Quote:fucking time. Which is
....I have something....
Quote:irritating in itslef, but then they
....really important to.....
Quote:make a judgement based on what I
.....tell you.
Quote:did manage to say before they fucking
Did you know that....
Quote:cut me off. So I just fucking
....you are one.....
Quote:let them run with it.
....of my favorite people on this forum?
Disclaimer: I am only responsible for what I say, not what you choose to understand.
(November 14, 2018 at 8:57 pm)The Valkyrie Wrote: Have a good day at work. If we ever meet in a professional setting, let me answer your question now. Yes, I DO want fries with that.
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation:
111
RE: joke time
October 12, 2017 at 10:12 pm
Jood! Stop talking while I'm interrupting!
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation:
111
RE: joke time
October 13, 2017 at 2:50 am
(This post was last modified: October 13, 2017 at 2:50 am by ignoramus.)
This man goes to confession and says, "Forgive me father for I have sinned."
The priest asks if he would like to confess his sins and the man replies that he used the "F-word" over the weekend.
The priest says, "Oh okay, just say three Hail Marys and try to watch your language."
The man replies that he would like to confess as to why he said the "F-word". The priest sighs and tells him to continue.
Well father I played golf on Sunday with my buddies instead of going to church.
The priest says, "And you got upset over that and swore?"
The man replied, "No, that wasn't why I swore. On the first tee I duck-hooked my drive well left into the trees."
The priest said, "And that's when you swore."
The man replied, a little testily because of the constant interruptions, "No, it wasn't. When I walked up the fairway, I noticed my ball got a lucky bounce and I had a clear shot to the green. However, before I could hit the ball, a squirrel ran by and grabbed my ball and scurried up a tree."
The priest asked, "Is that when you said the 'F-word'?"
The man replied, "No, because an eagle then flew by and caught the squirrel in its sharp talons and flew away."
The priest let out a breath and queried, "Is that when you swore?"
The man replied, "No, because the eagle flew over the green and the dying squirrel let go of my golf ball and it landed within 5 inches of the hole."
The priest screamed, "Don't tell me you missed the fucking putt!"
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
October 13, 2017 at 8:27 am
A Michigan State trooper pulled a car over on US 23 about 2 miles North of the Michigan/Indiana State line. When the trooper asked the driver why he was speeding, the driver said he was a Magician and Juggler and was on his way to Ft. Wayne , IN to do a show at the Shrine Circus. He didn't want to be late.
The trooper told the driver he was fascinated by juggling and asked if the driver would do a little juggling for him then he wouldn't give him a ticket.
He told the trooper he had sent his equipment ahead and didn't have anything to juggle.
The trooper said he had some flares in the trunk and asked if he could juggle them. The juggler said he could, so the trooper got 5 flares, lit them and handed them to him.
While the man was juggling, a car pulled in behind the patrol car.
A drunken good old boy from Michigan got out, watched the performance, then went over to the patrol car, opened the rear door and got in.
The trooper observed him and went over to the patrol car, opened the door asking the drunk what he thought he was doing.
The drunk replied, 'You might as well take my ass to jail, cause there ain't no way I can pass that test.'
Posts: 572
Threads: 2
Joined: October 30, 2009
Reputation:
13
RE: joke time
October 15, 2017 at 7:57 pm
I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and
patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming
traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American
slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their
car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next
to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and
took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran
directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself:
"Man.... that coulda been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
Posts: 20476
Threads: 447
Joined: June 16, 2014
Reputation:
111
RE: joke time
October 15, 2017 at 8:05 pm
Very unpc but funny nonetheless...
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
Posts: 30726
Threads: 2123
Joined: May 24, 2012
Reputation:
71
RE: joke time
October 15, 2017 at 8:05 pm
(October 15, 2017 at 7:57 pm)Darinda Wrote: I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and
patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming
traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American
slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their
car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next
to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and
took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran
directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself:
"Man.... that coulda been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
You know what? Not funny.
If you had used ISIS instead and left truck drivers out of it, it could have been.
Would that same joke work for you if it were Roof, or an abortion clinic bomber who was Christian?
Posts: 43162
Threads: 720
Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation:
133
RE: joke time
October 15, 2017 at 8:17 pm
(This post was last modified: October 15, 2017 at 8:20 pm by Edwardo Piet.)
(October 11, 2017 at 4:13 pm)Darinda Wrote: A guy is looking for a place to sit in a crowded library.
He asked a girl in a university library: "Do you mind if I sit beside you?
The girl replied in a loud voice: "I DON'T WANT TO SLEEP WITH YOU!
What makes you think I'm that kind of girl?"
All the students in the library started staring at the guy; he was truly
embarrassed and moved to another table.
After a couple of minutes, the girl walked quietly to the guy's table and
said with a laugh: "I'm studying psychology, and I am working on my Masters'
degree. I guess you felt embarrassed, right? As part of my degree program,
I'm studying unexpected reactions and how people respond to them."
The guy then responded in a loud voice: "$500 FOR ONE NIGHT? THAT'S
ROBBERY! YOU'RE NOT WORTH THAT MUCH!!"
All the people in the library looked at the girl in shock.
The guy then whispered in her ear: "I have a law degree: I know how to screw
people."
LOL I love this one.
(October 12, 2017 at 3:54 am)BrianSoddingBoru4 Wrote: (October 11, 2017 at 4:23 pm)Fireball Wrote: There are two types of people in the world-
1. Those who can extrapolate
There are three kinds of people in the world: Those who understand arithmetic and those who don't.
Boru
There are two kinds of people in this world:
1. Mentally stable people.
2. GO FUCK YOURSELF YOU MOTHERFUCKING CRETINS BEFORE I STAB MY EYES OUT WITH YELLOW SOCKS I BOUGHT FOR DENNIS'S BIRTHDAY!
3. He likes socks.
4. Bastard.
5. Dinosaurs. Dinosaurs are fun. THE GREEN ONES!
Posts: 9912
Threads: 21
Joined: September 8, 2015
Reputation:
79
RE: joke time
October 15, 2017 at 8:27 pm
(October 15, 2017 at 8:05 pm)Brian37 Wrote: (October 15, 2017 at 7:57 pm)Darinda Wrote: I was sitting at a long stoplight yesterday, minding my own business and
patiently waiting for it to turn green even though there was no on-coming
traffic. A carload of bearded, young, loud Muslims shouting Anti-American
slogans with a half-burned American Flag duct-taped on the trunk of their
car and a "Remember 9-11" slogan spray painted on the side was stopped next
to me.
Suddenly they yelled, "Allah Akbar! Praise Allah! Death to America" and
took off before the light changed.
Out of nowhere an 18-wheeler came speeding through the intersection and ran
directly over their car, crushing it completely and killing everyone in it.
For several minutes I sat in my car thinking to myself:
"Man.... that coulda been me!"
So today, bright and early, I went out and got a job as a truck driver.
You know what? Not funny.
If you had used ISIS instead and left truck drivers out of it, it could have been.
Would that same joke work for you if it were Roof, or an abortion clinic bomber who was Christian?
How old were you when you had your sense of humor surgically removed?
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
Posts: 43162
Threads: 720
Joined: September 21, 2008
Reputation:
133
RE: joke time
October 15, 2017 at 10:29 pm
(This post was last modified: October 15, 2017 at 10:41 pm by Edwardo Piet.)
I must admit that wasn't remotely funny and doesn't even qualify as a joke.
Either that or I just don't get it.
Was the "joke" that the guy at the end was relieved because it could have been him that died but instead it was a bunch of other people?
Where's the joke?
I'll stick to watching South Park. At least when they take the piss out of Islam it's funny.
The other joke about the Lawyer in the library was hilarious though. Lol.
(October 15, 2017 at 8:27 pm)Fireball Wrote: If you had used ISIS instead and left truck drivers out of it, it could have been.
Nope. Still wouldn't have been funny.
"People died and he was relieved it wasn't him!" isn't a joke, lol.
Even my shitty self-made acting like a retard and talking about mayo-making over and over is funnier than that. And I'm not funny. I'm obnoxious and annoying.
Here's funny:
|
