joke time

[Darinda]

An 86-year-old man walked into a crowded doctor’s office. As he approached the desk, the receptionist said, “Yes sir, what are you seeing the doctor for today?”
“There’s something wrong with my d*ck,” he replied.
The receptionist became irritated and said, “You shouldn’t come into a crowded office and say things like that.” “Why not? You asked me what was wrong and I told you, he said.”
The receptionist replied, “You’ve obviously caused some embarrassment in this room full of people. You should have said there is something wrong with your ear or something and then discussed the problem further with the doctor in private.”
The man walked out, waited several minutes and then re-entered. The receptionist smiled smugly and asked, “Yes?”
“There’s something wrong with my ear,” he stated.
The receptionist nodded approvingly and smiled, knowing he had taken her advice.
“And what is wrong with your ear, Sir?”
“I can’t piss out of it, the man replied.”
The doctor’s office erupted in laughter

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Muhammad Ali: ‘Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee!’

Jellyfish: ‘Nailed it.’

Boru

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

A Scotsman phones his boss and says, 'I can't come in today, sir - I have a wee cough.'

'You have a wee cough?'

'Very kind of you, sir. I'll see you in seven days!'

Boru

[Darinda]

Frantic phone call:

‘Doctor, my wife’s contractions are only two minutes apart!’

‘Is this her first child?’

‘No, you idiot - this is her husband!!’

[Brian37]

Did you hear about the mushroom that bought everyone a round of drinks at the bar?

I hear he was a fungi to be with.

[purplepurpose]

People of all ages die from cancer.
Jesus: Love God with all your might.

[Darinda]

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car. He stopped and asked them if they were stealing the car. They said “Heavens no, we bought it.”
He said, “Then why don’t you drive it away”.
Each of the women said “We can’t drive”.
The officer momentarily shook his head and then asked “Then why did you buy it?”
They answered, “We were told if we bought a car here, we’d get screwed, so we are just waiting.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I was feeling somewhat ill recently, so I entered my symptoms on Web MD. It seems that I'm suffering from something called 'web connectivity issues'.

Boru

[A. Secular Human]

I was feeling somewhat ill recently, so I entered my symptoms on Web MD. It seems that I'm suffering from something called 'web connectivity issues'.

Boru

Probably those damn spider veins again.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Customer: What’s your WiFi password?

Bartender: You have to buy a drink first.

Customer: Seriously?

Bartender : *nods* You have to buy a drink first.

Customer: Fine, gimme a beer.

Bartender: That’ll be $6.

Customer: *pays* There. Now, what’s your WiFi password?

Bartender: You have to buy a drink first - all lower case, no spaces.

Boru