101 uses for Bible

[Quest of knowledge]

#94 As a tool for Christians who want to combat sleeplessness. It works for them when they try to read it.

#95 To announce that a party is over and that people need to leave. Simply start reading any part of it aloud. It’s a great party pooper.

#95 To get rid of your visiting mother-in-law. Just read it aloud while pacing around her like a fricking preacher.

# 96 To feed hungry believers. The pages are made of rice paper. Recipe: tear some pages right along the spine of the bible. Set the pages at the sun. Cut them into bite size pieces. Offer them on a small plate to Christians who would appreciate this version of rice crispees as a type of “spiritual nourishment”.

# 97 Door mat.

#98 A money-grab tool. Stand at a corner downtown and read passages of the “book of freaks” where it says that you should give to the poor and against being wealthy, and about “the camel through the eye of a needle” bull shit (camel shit in this case).

# 99 Kitty litter

# 100 Mulch

# 101 To resurface sidewalks in the bible belt.

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#92 a good self defense weapon nothing like taking your hard covered bible and slamming your assailant in the face with a bit of "divine truth".

Dirnis had #92. "I believe" you are #93.

[DiRNiS]

Nice going Quest of knowledge.

Now that we have 101 uses for the bible, there is no more point to this thread?

Unless others want to add more.

[Thor]

# 96 To feed hungry believers. The pages are made of rice paper. Recipe: tear some pages right along the spine of the bible. Set the pages at the sun. Cut them into bite size pieces. Offer them on a small plate to Christians who would appreciate this version of rice crispees as a type of “spiritual nourishment”.

Mmmmmmm.... Christ Crispies!

[gmjackson]

A speed bump.

[everythingafter]

The only rule here is you have to be constructive. Whatever means to an end submitted must have a practical beneficial use to someone - it should be an effective and applicable solution to a real-world scenario. You can't just senselessly destroy the book outright. I'll start off:

Well, it may not be physically constructive, like a door stop, but the Bible, or parts of it, does have some literary value, and I doubt most or any non-believing literary professor or Biblical scholar would wish for the wholesale excavation of all sacred texts (canonical or gnostic), just the application of them in modern life.

[The Omnissiunt One]

No. 102: For allowing heathens to list 101 uses for it.

[Anomalocaris]

No 103: Convince alien bent on stamping out intelligent potential rivals that we are not intelligent - Hey! See! the bible can be our salvation!

[The Omnissiunt One]

Ah, but what if the aliens think we're so stupid that we ought to be put out of our misery?

[Welsh cake]

We've gone over 101! Shall we see how far this can possibly go on for?

104: Sedative. When fanatics take the Bible's teachings too literally you hit them with it literally.

[The Omnissiunt One]

#105: For concealing a porn magazine when reading one in public.