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RE: joke time
April 23, 2015 at 11:42 am
Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Makes perfect sense.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
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RE: joke time
April 23, 2015 at 12:58 pm
(April 22, 2015 at 9:03 pm)Polaris Wrote: An atheist, a vegan, and a cross-fitter walk into a bar...
I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.
In England it's the thiests who can't keep quiet about it.
Anyhoo.
A man goes to an antique dealer with a dildo that had belonged to his great grandmother, his grand mother and finally his mother.
It had been in his family for generations.
You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.
Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.
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RE: joke time
April 23, 2015 at 1:05 pm
(April 23, 2015 at 12:58 pm)downbeatplumb Wrote: (April 22, 2015 at 9:03 pm)Polaris Wrote: An atheist, a vegan, and a cross-fitter walk into a bar...
I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.
In England it's the thiests who can't keep quiet about it.
Anyhoo.
A man goes to an antique dealer with a dildo that had belonged to his great grandmother, his grand mother and finally his mother.
It had been in his family for generations.
No it's here in America too that the theist can't shut their trap about religion. They just don't think they're being annoying as fuck.
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You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.
Makes perfect sense.
Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
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RE: joke time
April 24, 2015 at 12:56 pm
A guy walks into a bar.
He then lays on the floor, rubbing his forehead.
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RE: joke time
April 24, 2015 at 5:23 pm
"Terminator, which end of the pantomime horse do you want to be?"
"I'll be back."
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RE: joke time
April 25, 2015 at 7:10 am
I recently went grocery shopping on an empty stomach. I am now the proud owner of Aisle 4.
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
April 25, 2015 at 7:20 am
Did you know that a human fart can actually be louder than a trombone?
I found that out at my little niece's junior school concert.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
April 25, 2015 at 7:48 am
That one made me belly laugh. :-)
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RE: joke time
April 25, 2015 at 7:50 am
Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was fantastic!
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.
Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped.
Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses.
Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder.
Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
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RE: joke time
April 25, 2015 at 11:33 am
A man visited his doctor who said.
"I suggest you stop masturbating!"
"why?" asked the man.
"Because I am trying to examine you" said the doctor.
You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.
Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.
