Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: December 15, 2024, 11:02 am

Thread Rating:
  • 1 Vote(s) - 5 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
joke time
RE: joke time
Whats the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One has a moustache and smells of fish and the other is a walrus.
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Makes perfect sense.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
Reply
RE: joke time
(April 22, 2015 at 9:03 pm)Polaris Wrote: An atheist, a vegan, and a cross-fitter walk into a bar...

I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

In England it's the thiests who can't keep quiet about it.

Anyhoo.

A man goes to an antique dealer with a dildo that had belonged to his great grandmother, his grand mother and finally his mother.

It had been in his family for generations.



You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.

Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.




 








Reply
RE: joke time
(April 23, 2015 at 12:58 pm)downbeatplumb Wrote:
(April 22, 2015 at 9:03 pm)Polaris Wrote: An atheist, a vegan, and a cross-fitter walk into a bar...

I only know because they told everyone within two minutes.

In England it's the thiests who can't keep quiet about it.

Anyhoo.

A man goes to an antique dealer with a dildo that had belonged to his great grandmother, his grand mother and finally his mother.

It had been in his family for generations.
No it's here in America too that the theist can't shut their trap about religion. They just don't think they're being annoying as fuck.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You are living proof that manure can sprout legs and walk.
CHRISTIANITY: The belief that some cosmic Jewish Zombie can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him that you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree.

Makes perfect sense.

Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day; give him a religion, and he'll starve to death while praying for a fish.
Reply
RE: joke time
A guy walks into a bar.

He then lays on the floor, rubbing his forehead.
Reply
RE: joke time
"Terminator, which end of the pantomime horse do you want to be?"

"I'll be back."
Feel free to send me a private message.
Please visit my website here! It's got lots of information about atheism/theism and support for new atheists.

Index of useful threads and discussions
Index of my best videos
Quickstart guide to the forum
Reply
RE: joke time
I recently went grocery shopping on an empty stomach.  I am now the proud owner of Aisle 4.

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
Reply
RE: joke time
Did you know that a human fart can actually be louder than a trombone?

I found that out at my little niece's junior school concert.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist.  This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair.  Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second.  That means there's a situation vacant.'
Reply
RE: joke time
That one made me belly laugh. :-)
Reply
RE: joke time
Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was fantastic!
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.

Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped.

Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses.

Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder.

Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids."
Reply
RE: joke time
A man visited his doctor who said.
"I suggest you stop masturbating!"
"why?" asked the man.
"Because I am trying to examine you" said the doctor.



You can fix ignorance, you can't fix stupid.

Tinkety Tonk and down with the Nazis.




 








Reply



Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  No joke -- I have decided to convert to Christianity! Jehanne 10 2748 April 23, 2021 at 9:54 pm
Last Post: arewethereyet
  A sacred joke. Mystic 15 3310 January 20, 2018 at 10:00 pm
Last Post: Cyberman
  Big Bang Theory Neil Tyson joke Brian37 1 1607 May 18, 2016 at 8:07 pm
Last Post: vorlon13
  There Has To Be A Joke Here, Somewhere! Minimalist 3 2539 October 1, 2014 at 10:57 pm
Last Post: Zidneya
  Joke Minimalist 59 18799 June 27, 2014 at 12:25 am
Last Post: Ravenshire
  A little joke Sup 11 4743 April 10, 2014 at 7:33 pm
Last Post: BrianSoddingBoru4
  Evolution (is a) joke JesusLover1 12 9434 March 2, 2014 at 6:24 pm
Last Post: Minimalist
  Preacher joke 02 Drich 2 1993 February 12, 2014 at 7:15 am
Last Post: NoraBrimstone
  Preacher joke 01 Drich 8 4844 January 20, 2014 at 12:31 am
Last Post: Drich
  Make Up An Atheist Joke freedomfromforum 5 3050 October 6, 2013 at 12:30 am
Last Post: Angrboda



Users browsing this thread: 292 Guest(s)