Basic Christian Beliefs

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There is only one God

Just like there is one of me?

God is three in one or a Trinity

1≠3... Math Fail.

God is omniscient or "knows all things"

Does he know how many priests are molesting children at this exact moment? If so, damn he can count pretty high then.

God is omnipotent or "all powerful"

Nope. Chuck Norris would kick his ass.

God is omnipresent or "present everywhere"

And yet everyone in the world is still looking for him, and no one has apparently found him yet. He would win the best hide n seek player award.

God is sovereign

Fuck God.

God is holy

Like Swiss cheese?

God is just or "righteous"

God is a dick.

God is love

God is a hate.

God is true

God lies to your children at night. Then rapes them.

God is spirit

Fuck I'm afraid of ghosts

God is the creator of everything that exists

Who created God?

God is infinite and eternal. He has always been God

Hmm, just like the pain of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face is infinite and eternal.

God is immutable. He does not change

Wow, I wonder what his clothes smells like.

The Holy Spirit is God

Fuck the Holy Spirit.

Jesus Christ is God

Fuck Jesus.

Jesus became a man

Lol his balls finally dropped.

Jesus is fully God and fully man

Incredible logic there.. Jesus = God + Man = Godman!

Jesus was sinless

Bullshit, he's a closet pedophile.

Jesus is the only way to God the Father

Drugs can do that too.

Man was created by God in the image of God

I know some pretty ugly people out there.. God fucked up there.

All people have sinned

Not me, I'm perfect.

Death came into the world through Adam's sin

Cancer, Heart Disease, Getting mauled by a bear, etc.

Sin separates us from God

So sin is like those little doggie gates people use to keep their dogs from fucking up the rest of the house..

Jesus died for the sins of each and every person in the world

Wow he's such a hero!

Jesus' death was a substitutionary sacrifice. He died and paid the price for our sins, so that we might live.

I believe he died because he got his ass nailed to a fucking 2 by 4 that was staked in the ground.

Jesus resurrected from the dead in physical form.

Fucking ghosts..

Salvation is a free gift of God

It's free but you have to pay for shipping and handling and activation fees.

The Bible is the "inspired" or "God-breathed," Word of God

The Bible is a piece of shit and was written because 2000 years ago people didn't have shit to do other than to write weird shit down!

Those who reject Jesus Christ, after they die, will go to hell forever

Can't wait!

Those who accept Jesus Christ, after they die, will live for eternity with Him

So I could technically punish, torment, sexually assault, brutally torture and murder a school full of orphans, and the next day accept Jesus fucking Christ and I will live in harmony and bliss with him for eternity. Nice.

Hell is a place of punishment

To me, Hell sounds like Heaven.

Hell is eternal

An endless vacation.. hmmm

There will be a rapture of the church

Can't wait for this either.

Jesus will return to the earth

A million years later... still hasn't shown up yet. Still waiting.

Christians will be raised from the dead when Jesus returns

Wait what? So dead christians, who are already in heaven, will be raised from the dead and be sent back to heaven where they just were? Logic fail.

There will be a final judgment

Who has the best tasting milk?

Satan will be thrown into the lake of fire

I'm pretty sure lakes are made with water.. and water puts out fire.

God will create a new heaven and a new earth

Fuck, I just paid the mortgage off on my house, and now this assholes gonna make us move to a whole new earth? Fuck my life.

Basic Christian Beliefs

[Minimalist]

God is no better than the men who invented him.

[CriticalThinker]

There is only one God

Just like there is one of me? :D

God is three in one or a Trinity

1≠3... Math Fail.

God is omniscient or "knows all things"

Does he know how many priests are molesting children at this exact moment? If so, damn he can count pretty high then.

God is omnipotent or "all powerful"

Nope. Chuck Norris would kick his ass.

God is omnipresent or "present everywhere"

And yet everyone in the world is still looking for him, and no one has apparently found him yet. He would win the best hide n seek player award. :clap:

God is sovereign

Fuck God. :)

God is holy

Like Swiss cheese? :hehe:

God is just or "righteous"

God is a dick.

God is love

God is a hate.

God is true

God lies to your children at night. Then rapes them.

God is spirit

Fuck I'm afraid of ghosts :s

God is the creator of everything that exists

Who created God? :huh:

God is infinite and eternal. He has always been God

Hmm, just like the pain of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face is infinite and eternal.

God is immutable. He does not change

Wow, I wonder what his clothes smells like.

The Holy Spirit is God

Fuck the Holy Spirit.

Jesus Christ is God

Fuck Jesus.

Jesus became a man

Lol his balls finally dropped.

Jesus is fully God and fully man

Incredible logic there.. Jesus = God + Man = Godman!

Jesus was sinless

Bullshit, he's a closet pedophile.

Jesus is the only way to God the Father

Drugs can do that too.

Man was created by God in the image of God

I know some pretty ugly people out there.. God fucked up there.

All people have sinned

Not me, I'm perfect. :D

Death came into the world through Adam's sin

Cancer, Heart Disease, Getting mauled by a bear, etc.

Sin separates us from God

So sin is like those little doggie gates people use to keep their dogs from fucking up the rest of the house..

Jesus died for the sins of each and every person in the world

Wow he's such a hero!

Jesus' death was a substitutionary sacrifice. He died and paid the price for our sins, so that we might live.

I believe he died because he got his ass nailed to a fucking 2 by 4 that was staked in the ground.

Jesus resurrected from the dead in physical form.

Fucking ghosts..

Salvation is a free gift of God

It's free but you have to pay for shipping and handling and activation fees.

The Bible is the "inspired" or "God-breathed," Word of God

The Bible is a piece of shit and was written because 2000 years ago people didn't have shit to do other than to write weird shit down!

Those who reject Jesus Christ, after they die, will go to hell forever

Can't wait!

Those who accept Jesus Christ, after they die, will live for eternity with Him

So I could technically punish, torment, sexually assault, brutally torture and murder a school full of orphans, and the next day accept Jesus fucking Christ and I will live in harmony and bliss with him for eternity. Nice.

Hell is a place of punishment

To me, Hell sounds like Heaven. :)

Hell is eternal

An endless vacation.. hmmm :D

There will be a rapture of the church

Can't wait for this either.

Jesus will return to the earth

A million years later... still hasn't shown up yet. Still waiting.

Christians will be raised from the dead when Jesus returns

Wait what? So dead christians, who are already in heaven, will be raised from the dead and be sent back to heaven where they just were? Logic fail.

There will be a final judgment

Who has the best tasting milk?

Satan will be thrown into the lake of fire

I'm pretty sure lakes are made with water.. and water puts out fire.

God will create a new heaven and a new earth

Fuck, I just paid the mortgage off on my house, and now this assholes gonna make us move to a whole new earth? Fuck my life.

Basic Christian Beliefs
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There is only one God

Just like there is one of me? :D YES, YOU ARE CORRECT.

God is three in one or a Trinity

1≠3... Math Fail. GOD =1/3 FATHER = 1/3 SON = 1/3 (3=3, SIMPLIFIES TO 1=1)

God is omniscient or "knows all things"

Does he know how many priests are molesting children at this exact moment? If so, damn he can count pretty high then. THOSE ARE THE PRIESTS ACTING, NOT GOD - DON'T BLAME HIM FOR THEIR SIN.

God is omnipotent or "all powerful"

Nope. Chuck Norris would kick his ass. HAHAHAHA NO.

God is omnipresent or "present everywhere"

And yet everyone in the world is still looking for him, and no one has apparently found him yet. He would win the best hide n seek player award. :clap: I'VE FOUND HIM. BELIEVERS IN CHRIST HAVE FOUND HIM - YOU ARE MEERLY DECIEVING YOURSELF INTO BELIEVING HE IS NOT THERE, CLOSING YOUR EYES SO TO SPEAK.

God is sovereign

Fuck God. :) BRAVO, YOU'VE MADE A VERY MATURE AND WELL DESIGNED ARGUMENT FOR THIS ONE.

God is holy

Like Swiss cheese? :hehe: AGAIN, BRAVO.

God is just or "righteous"

God is a dick. OKAY SERIOUSLY, YOU OBVIOUSLY CAN'T MAKE A POINT SO DON'T EVEN TRY.

God is love

God is a hate. EXPLAIN. SERIOUSLY, SEND ME A PM OR SOMETHING, I WANT TO HEAR YOUR REASONING.

God is true

God lies to your children at night. Then rapes them. BACK TO THE BRAVOS.

God is spirit

Fuck I'm afraid of ghosts :s SPIRITS AND GHOSTS ARE DIFFERENT, NOT TO MENTION YOU CAN'T FIND AN ARGUMENT FOR THIS ONE EITHER.

God is the creator of everything that exists

Who created God? :huh: HE HAS ALWAYS EXISTED, SO NOBODY :)

God is infinite and eternal. He has always been God

Hmm, just like the pain of Chuck Norris roundhouse kicking God in the face is infinite and eternal. BRA-EFFING-VO.

God is immutable. He does not change

Wow, I wonder what his clothes smells like. JOCKERY WHILE TRYING TO MAKE A POINT ONLY WORKS IF YOU'RE ACTUALLY MAKING A POINT. REALLY, YOU'RE MAKING MY JOB AS A CRITICAL THINKER TOO EASY OVER HERE :3

The Holy Spirit is God

Fuck the Holy Spirit. NO COMMENT.

Jesus Christ is God

Fuck Jesus. NO COMMENT.

Jesus became a man

Lol his balls finally dropped. THIS ISN'T REALLY A CHRISTIAN BELIEF... IF A GUY HITS PUBERTY, HE BECOMES A MAN... DUH. YOU AND YOUR SCIENTIFIC BELIEFS SHOULD BE ABLE TO VOUCH FOR THAT, RIGHT?

Jesus is fully God and fully man

Incredible logic there.. Jesus = God + Man = Godman! I GUESS YOU COULD CALL HIM THAT, ACTUALLY SOUNDS KIND OF COOL :P

Jesus was sinless

Bullshit, he's a closet pedophile. EXPLAIN, PLEASE.

Jesus is the only way to God the Father

Drugs can do that too. AGAIN, EXPLAIN.

Man was created by God in the image of God

I know some pretty ugly people out there.. God fucked up there. HE MEANT THEIR INSIDES, NOT THEIR OUTSIDES.

All people have sinned

Not me, I'm perfect. :D NOPE, SORRY :)

Death came into the world through Adam's sin

Cancer, Heart Disease, Getting mauled by a bear, etc. YES, YOU ARE CORRECT. IT SEEMS TO ME THAT YOU ARE PROOVING MY POINT MORE THAN YOURS IN SOME OF THESE ;)

Sin separates us from God

So sin is like those little doggie gates people use to keep their dogs from fucking up the rest of the house.. IF YOU WANT TO MAKE THAT ANOLOGY, SURE.

Jesus died for the sins of each and every person in the world

Wow he's such a hero! YES, HE IS - MORE THAN SUPERMAN AND SPIDERMAN COMBINED :3

Jesus' death was a substitutionary sacrifice. He died and paid the price for our sins, so that we might live.

I believe he died because he got his ass nailed to a fucking 2 by 4 that was staked in the ground. YES, THAT IS HOW HE DIED. WHY'D HE DIE? FOR OUR SINS.

Jesus resurrected from the dead in physical form.

Fucking ghosts.. GHOSTS AREN'T PHYSICAL MR.SMARTYPANTS :)

Salvation is a free gift of God

It's free but you have to pay for shipping and handling and activation fees. NO, YOU DON'T :/

The Bible is the "inspired" or "God-breathed," Word of God

The Bible is a piece of shit and was written because 2000 years ago people didn't have shit to do other than to write weird shit down! NO, IT'S GOD'S WORD AND WAS WRITTEN BECAUSE PEOPLE SAW IT AS THEIR DUTY AS GOD'S CHILDREN TO CONVEY HIS MESSAGE TO WORLD. LOOKS LIKE IT WORKED, SINCE IT'S BEEN AROUND FOR 2000 YEARS :)

Those who reject Jesus Christ, after they die, will go to hell forever

Can't wait! BY MY DEFINITION OF HELL AS BEING ANYWHERE WITH THE ABSENCE OF GOD, YOU'RE ALREADY THERE.

Those who accept Jesus Christ, after they die, will live for eternity with Him

So I could technically punish, torment, sexually assault, brutally torture and murder a school full of orphans, and the next day accept Jesus fucking Christ and I will live in harmony and bliss with him for eternity. Nice. NO, BECAUSE IF YOU TRULY ACCEPTED CHRIST YOU WOULDN'T DO ANY OF THAT :)

Hell is a place of punishment

To me, Hell sounds like Heaven. :) THEN YOU'RE EFFED UP :)

Hell is eternal

An endless vacation.. hmmm :D AGAIN, EFFED UP.

There will be a rapture of the church

Can't wait for this either. EFFED UP.

Jesus will return to the earth

A million years later... still hasn't shown up yet. Still waiting. HASN'T BEEN A MILLION YEARS, DUMBNUT - IT'S BEEN 2000.

Christians will be raised from the dead when Jesus returns

Wait what? So dead christians, who are already in heaven, will be raised from the dead and be sent back to heaven where they just were? Logic fail. READ THE BIBLE AND YOU'LL REALIZE THAT YOU'RE WRONG. DON'T FEEL LIKE EXPLAINING IT RIGHT NOW ANYWAYS, DOUBT YOU'RE READING THIS ANYWAYS.

There will be a final judgment

Who has the best tasting milk? OKAY, WHAT???

Satan will be thrown into the lake of fire

I'm pretty sure lakes are made with water.. and water puts out fire. EVER HEARD OF METAPHORS? POETRY? OBVIOUSLY NOT.

God will create a new heaven and a new earth

Fuck, I just paid the mortgage off on my house, and now this assholes gonna make us move to a whole new earth? Fuck my life. AGAIN, METAPHOR.

[The Grand Nudger]

God is a metaphor for whatever silly little thought you have rattling around in your head, we get it.

[CriticalThinker]

God is a metaphor for whatever silly little thought you have rattling around in your head, we get it.

Explain.

[The Grand Nudger]

How could I, I cannot read minds, nor do my thoughts approach the level of silliness yours appear to. Clearly, your thoughts are inexplicable. Not only stranger than I suppose, but probably stranger than I can suppose.

[CriticalThinker]

How could I, I cannot read minds, nor do my thoughts approach the level of silliness yours appear to. Clearly, your thoughts are inexplicable. Not only stranger than I suppose, but probably stranger than I can suppose.

I asked you to explain your opinions, not mine. If your own mind is that alien to you, then I'd recommend doing some self-exploring before trying to figure out my mind

[The Grand Nudger]

(point)------------------------------------------------------(you)

[reverendjeremiah]

How could I, I cannot read minds, nor do my thoughts approach the level of silliness yours appear to. Clearly, your thoughts are inexplicable. Not only stranger than I suppose, but probably stranger than I can suppose.

I asked you to explain your opinions, not mine. If your own mind is that alien to you, then I'd recommend doing some self-exploring before trying to figure out my mind

Most of the atheists on this board have been such for a very long time. They have done their exploring and have found their own form of humor to deal with the ripe stupidity that usually comes from a society saturated with mystical magical thinking.

You are a deep thinker... think about it

[Undeceived]

*censored for language*

Why flame about God so much? If you're complacent in your view, leave this forum and be satisfied in your own mind. There's no need to post rants on what you've already determined as fairytale. You don't see me creating "Red Riding Hood is evil, **** her!" threads. I suppose you'd also call everyone who believes in him intellectually inferior to yourself?