Ask a transsexual anything

[Violet]

You are beautiful enough to make me like purple

Purple is innately a majestic color, and of all hair colors might well take the most courage to wear. I'm actually curious... how am I not on the first page of this? https://www.google.com/search?q=purple+h...2gXKjoHYDg

Bloody google.

Anyway... back to your friend: however they identify, just give them reasonably honest compliments, and it'll make things 'easier' on them. Really relaxes the shoulders, I find... and I'm a paranoid lady.

[Brian37]

There was a thread that kinda went along these lines, but since it was started and largely posted in by a troll, it just devolved into a flame war. I guess I'll start up one with good faith and good intention and maybe I can help educate people a little. Violet, if you want you're more than welcome to answer any questions as well. If you have any questions specific for female-to-male transsexuals, I can ask my boyfriend about it, since that's kinda his territory.

Anyway, yeah, everyone here kinda knows I'm transsexual. Here's your opportunity to ask me anything at all you want about it. I'll answer any question, but if you ask an inentionally and obviously inflamitory answer, I'll respond with an intentionally and obviously inflamitory response.

What would you tell heterosexuals about transgendered dealing with monogamy? I'll cheat a bit here because I would answer that humans are individuals. I personally think no matter your sexuality you are just as capable of both pluralism and monogamy on an individual level.

[TaraJo]

Has transexuality, or alike, been observed among animals?

Edit; the question might be silly, but is not meant offensive ofcourse.

I've heard of a study where, yeah, not only have they found it in animals but the scientists actually caused it in them. Newborn female mice were injected with testosterone. At first, no big deal but later on in life, they began exhibiting masculine behaviors to the point that they were trying to have sex with other mice like a male mouse would. The interesting thing about mice is that they're born while their brains are still developing. The theory they got from that is that interuterine hormone levels have a pretty big impact on it.

Are you oftern ill treated, discriminated and bullied?

If yes. How do you coop with it?

How much more difficult is life as a transsexual person?

It varies from person to person, obviously. Some people just breeze through transition without a problem (if you want an example, look up "Kim Petras".) Other people get murdered just because they're wearing the wrong clothes.

As for me, it doesn't happen that much but I think I'm actually passing pretty well, or at least well enough that the haters don't know.

I wasn't always so lucky, though. Before, when I didn't pass, life was more difficult. That was when I was homeless and things felt hopeless. If I had to pick one, specific time as an example of discrimination, my most obvious example would be the crisis center. I had gotten to Tulsa. I had little to no money, my parents didn't want much to do with me, I had no income, no place to stay and no real resources that I could rely on and no real friends. I knew I was a step away from an emotional meltdown and even though I was offered a temporary place to stay, I choose to go to the psychological crisis center simply because I was afraid I'd kill myself otherwise. End result, though, was that they refused to take me in. Several times. In fact, I would go down the street to a gas station, get a broken bottle and start cutting myself out there in front of everybody. The police would get there, take me to the psych hospital and the psych hospital would send me right back out there even when I told them as soon as I got out I was going to go right back to cutting (if not worse). It was a cycle that went on for awhile and it was pretty difficult. That's part of the problem with discrimination, though: when and if people discriminate, they don't tell you outright that they're discriminating. They give you some other reason and you have to make a guess whether their reason is real or made up.

Do you get offended if someone calls you a man in an obviously derogatory manner?

Sometimes, yeah. Othertimes, I just respond back with something "Really? Do you really think nobody has ever told me that before? You're going to have to dig deeper than that if you want to get to me." Usuallly it's hard to get to me if I know you're trying to get to me (if that makes any sense).

As a friend, how can I make the transition easier for zir?

$15,000 would be nice. :p

On a more serious note, just treat me like you would any other girl.

Past that, it's up to the individual. Some things that one person wants another person gets upset with.

Does it oftern happen that people think that you are not transsexual, meaning that they think that you are women?

I thought both of you were women when I registered here.

Well, we ARE women. Are you saying we aren't?

Sometimes it happens. It still surprises me when it does simply because there's abig art of my brain that doesn't think I pass that well yet. But I had some girls try to include me in a conversation they were having about their menstrul cycle and that was a little awkward. Another guy at school found my fetlife profile and judging from his reaction, I'd guess he didn't know beforehand, either.

What would you tell heterosexuals about transgendered dealing with monogamy? I'll cheat a bit here because I would answer that humans are individuals. I personally think no matter your sexuality you are just as capable of both pluralism and monogamy on an individual level.

I have a friend in the trans community who is in a plural, long term romantic relationship. I also know others who are still with the same partner they had years before they transitioned. It's far too common for a marriage/relationship to end when one partner transitions, though. I can't say I'm surprised; If I had been in a romantic relationship five or six years ago, it would probably be with someone who is interested in men. Nowadays, I'm not expecting people to be into me because they like men and that would have put a strain on the relationship. That's not to say it doesn't happen, though. If a couple has a relationship where they feel connected enough on a psychological and emotional level, they can stick it out even if one partner isn't attracted to both sexes (or isn't attracted to their partner as a different sex). I think that's where monogamy can be a little tough for us, though, because when we start to lose the physical traits that our partner is so attracted to, a lot of us find our partners going out there to find someone else with those traits. So, even if we have a partner who wants to stay with us in good faith, it strains things that they have greater temptation.

I'm also going to say, it can work in reverse, too. I know, before I took hormones, I tried to be into guys and it just felt 'icky.' Then I was no estrogen for a few months and I remember being outside a restraun and seeing a waiter on smoke break. He had his shirt partially unbuttoned and I remember thinking to myself "Damn I'd like to see what he looks like with that shirt taken the rest of the way off." The thought came out of nowhere and caught me by surprise and it kinda officially told me I'm into guys now, too. Still like girls, though, but the point is that it seems to vary for everyone. Some people it changes, some people it doesn't. Some like girls more, some like guys more. I've talked to a lot of guys who have some storie to tell about what testosterone did to their libido (I believe one of them called it a 'horney roller coaster from hell').

But, in general, like most things with the effect of hormones, your milage may vary.

[Rev. Rye]

How accurate is The World According to Garp's depiction of transsexuality?

[frankiej]

Can you do a hand stand?

[Aractus]

Alright, I'll bite.

Violet said in the other thread that she hasn't altered her body. HRT is altering your body though, even if you haven't had surgery, and I wonder why you don't see it this way?

Along the same lines, why do you want HRT anyway? HRT is required by pretty much all transsexuals, but almost no non-transsexuals. Why?

Next. People can be reasonably expected to differ over how they interoperate your gender. By being transsexual you would understand this to be the case. I as a non-transsexual have no ambiguity over my gender, it isn't a topic for open debate. With that said, I understand your gender identity causes a great deal of stress, anxiety, worry, conflict, and other problems. By definition alone a transsexual has a different gender identity to their biological gender. Do you expect people to agree with your gender identity?

Look forward to the response.

[festive1]

Walk on the Wild Side -or- Lola?

[TaraJo]

How accurate is The World According to Garp's depiction of transsexuality?

Can't say I've seen it or read the book, but I can't imagine it's too accurate. Most pop culture references to transsexuals fall into either the 'pathetic transsexual' category or the 'trap.' Most of the ones I know are neither.

Can you do a hand stand?

The only sport that I ever got into was baseball, mostly because my dad is mildly obsessed with the sport. No, I can't do a handstand, but I can probably still hit a decent fastball.

Alright, I'll bite.

Violet said in the other thread that she hasn't altered her body. HRT is altering your body though, even if you haven't had surgery, and I wonder why you don't see it this way?

The changes that come along with hormones are more of a slow, gradual change, especially for male-to-female transsexuals. Plus, most of the effects can be reversed if you stop hormones (altough, I'm pretty sure my bewbs have gotten to the point where it would take more than stopping hrt have a flat, manly chest). I would have needed to see the context of what she was saying to tell better; link?

Along the same lines, why do you want HRT anyway? HRT is required by pretty much all transsexuals, but almost no non-transsexuals. Why?

Without hrt, my body naturally produces testosterone. Yucky stuff; makes me all hairy and that 'thing' down there keeps getting excited all the time because of that stuff! Most importantly for me is the psychological effect of hormones. Before, I was angry all the time and that anger turned me violent. Now that I have the chemicals in my brain fixed, I feel 'right.' If that make any sense. I'm still firmly convinced that my brain simply wasn't designed to deal with that amount of testosterone.

Next. People can be reasonably expected to differ over how they interoperate your gender. By being transsexual you would understand this to be the case. I as a non-transsexual have no ambiguity over my gender, it isn't a topic for open debate. With that said, I understand your gender identity causes a great deal of stress, anxiety, worry, conflict, and other problems. By definition alone a transsexual has a different gender identity to their biological gender. Do you expect people to agree with your gender identity?

I understand that it took me nearly 30 years to really come to terms with who I am an accept myself and I understand that the people who knew me before won't get it overnight, either, so I'm more than willing to give them some leeway. We don't transition in a bubble, y'know.

As for romantic partners, I'm also aware that while I'd like to be able to say "anyone who's attracted to women should be interested in me," I also realize that some people are attracted to specific genitals. So if someone only likes vagina, it doesn't matter whether they like men or women, they won't really be into what I have in my pants.

I have other people who, once finding out I'm trans, immediately start asking questions of a sexual nature. That can be kinda rude (I mean, how would you like it if the first thing someone did when they met you was ask you probing, intimate questions about your genitals?). For the most part, that's why I don't usually try to make too big a deal out of my being trans.

With most people, though, the issue doesn't come up. And I'm just fine with that.

Walk on the Wild Side -or- Lola?

Neither. If I'm going to be sexual with someone, I always make sure they know before we do anything. Especially if it's a man I'm going to do anything with. There are way too many girls who have been killed because her boyfriend found out at a bad time and I don't want to be one of them.

[Brian37]

How accurate is The World According to Garp's depiction of transsexuality?

Can't say I've seen it or read the book, but I can't imagine it's too accurate. Most pop culture references to transsexuals fall into either the 'pathetic transsexual' category or the 'trap.' Most of the ones I know are neither.

Can you do a hand stand?

The only sport that I ever got into was baseball, mostly because my dad is mildly obsessed with the sport. No, I can't do a handstand, but I can probably still hit a decent fastball.

Alright, I'll bite.

Violet said in the other thread that she hasn't altered her body. HRT is altering your body though, even if you haven't had surgery, and I wonder why you don't see it this way?

The changes that come along with hormones are more of a slow, gradual change, especially for male-to-female transsexuals. Plus, most of the effects can be reversed if you stop hormones (altough, I'm pretty sure my bewbs have gotten to the point where it would take more than stopping hrt have a flat, manly chest). I would have needed to see the context of what she was saying to tell better; link?

Along the same lines, why do you want HRT anyway? HRT is required by pretty much all transsexuals, but almost no non-transsexuals. Why?

Without hrt, my body naturally produces testosterone. Yucky stuff; makes me all hairy and that 'thing' down there keeps getting excited all the time because of that stuff! Most importantly for me is the psychological effect of hormones. Before, I was angry all the time and that anger turned me violent. Now that I have the chemicals in my brain fixed, I feel 'right.' If that make any sense. I'm still firmly convinced that my brain simply wasn't designed to deal with that amount of testosterone.

Next. People can be reasonably expected to differ over how they interoperate your gender. By being transsexual you would understand this to be the case. I as a non-transsexual have no ambiguity over my gender, it isn't a topic for open debate. With that said, I understand your gender identity causes a great deal of stress, anxiety, worry, conflict, and other problems. By definition alone a transsexual has a different gender identity to their biological gender. Do you expect people to agree with your gender identity?

I understand that it took me nearly 30 years to really come to terms with who I am an accept myself and I understand that the people who knew me before won't get it overnight, either, so I'm more than willing to give them some leeway. We don't transition in a bubble, y'know.

As for romantic partners, I'm also aware that while I'd like to be able to say "anyone who's attracted to women should be interested in me," I also realize that some people are attracted to specific genitals. So if someone only likes vagina, it doesn't matter whether they like men or women, they won't really be into what I have in my pants.

I have other people who, once finding out I'm trans, immediately start asking questions of a sexual nature. That can be kinda rude (I mean, how would you like it if the first thing someone did when they met you was ask you probing, intimate questions about your genitals?). For the most part, that's why I don't usually try to make too big a deal out of my being trans.

With most people, though, the issue doesn't come up. And I'm just fine with that.

Walk on the Wild Side -or- Lola?

Neither. If I'm going to be sexual with someone, I always make sure they know before we do anything. Especially if it's a man I'm going to do anything with. There are way too many girls who have been killed because her boyfriend found out at a bad time and I don't want to be one of them.

It sucks that there is that much bigotry still out there.

I went to a pro choice rally in DC years back and a gay couple invited me to spend the night to save money on hotel. So they were nice, had a party with all types. But there was one drunk grabby guy who grabbed my ass. I wasn't pissed that he was gay, I was pissed that he grabbed me. Just like a women would rightfully get pissed if I grabbed them. They threw the jackass out and apologized. I told them it wasn't their fault, they didn't do it.

Bottom line, getting hit on or hitting on someone is normal and we cant help what we are attracted to. But no one has the right to assault you or anyone simply because you are not attracted to them.

Honesty up front. That's what it amounts to. And heteros should not fear getting hit on by the same sex. Just simply say "I am flattered, but no thanks". No different than when we turn down the opposite sex for any reason.

[festive1]

Walk on the Wild Side -or- Lola?

Neither. If I'm going to be sexual with someone, I always make sure they know before we do anything. Especially if it's a man I'm going to do anything with. There are way too many girls who have been killed because her boyfriend found out at a bad time and I don't want to be one of them.

I was just seeking your musical preference. Though, in my opinion, one (gay, straight, trans, whatever) should practice a policy of full disclosure with sexual partners about such things. After Daniel's inquisition, I thought I'd lighten the thread a bit