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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 7, 2013 at 2:36 pm
I have had to think about my happiness lately. I grew up with not a choice up until I ran away from the institute that kidnapped me. I am a people pleaser, too. I have always sacrificed myself for others and they don't even know what it cost me, because I want them to enjoy it. But now... I might not, hmmmm... The possibility of not having many tomorrows has knocked on my door. What will happen has not been answered. If I had one more chance to make a choice... Fuck. I want to be happy. I want love. I want to laugh like an idiot. I want friendship. I want trust. I want peace and conversations. I want equality. Actually, more than anything, I want time. Lots of it, so I can think and make the right decision.
Ramble. Thanks for everything. You guys are awesome. Really.
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"Let the atheists come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heathens belongs to people like these." -Saint Bacon
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 7, 2013 at 3:00 pm
(October 7, 2013 at 2:36 pm)Ivy Wrote: I ran away from the institute that kidnapped me. WHAT!?!
(October 7, 2013 at 2:36 pm)Ivy Wrote: The possibility of not having many tomorrows has knocked on my door. WHAT!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 7, 2013 at 3:02 pm
(This post was last modified: October 7, 2013 at 3:05 pm by Fruity.)
I think I have talked about the institute before in the forums.
My chest hurts, man. I want to do what's best for everybody but fuck! What is it? And what the fuck about me and my hapiness? I can't find the energy to survive the wait. I just want answers. Not even alcohol helps anymore.
Pointing around: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out!"
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"Let the atheists come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heathens belongs to people like these." -Saint Bacon
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 7, 2013 at 3:46 pm
(This post was last modified: October 7, 2013 at 3:48 pm by mostlysilent.)
I haven't read all the responses but I think some others have touched on this. My parents didn't get divorced and are in fact still married after like 60 years or something mind boggling but in a lot of ways I wish they had gotten divorced. They have a super dysfunctional relationship and are always fighting and putting each other down. As a result I'm 40 and still have no clue what a "good" relationship really looks like. I'm trying to figure it out but its struggle. Having your kids grow up in a whacked out situation can be really damaging to them. Like really damaging.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 11, 2013 at 1:20 am
The parents focusing on being happy after the divorce is the best thing for the kids. You need to help him let go Ivy. It's a very tough transition when one person doesn't want to let go. Your part is done, just focus on your kids understanding what you are going through. Your son needs you more than your partner does. Explain to him that you don't hate each other or him and that everybody will be happier after.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 11, 2013 at 10:43 am
Thought I'd be the rare voice saying to stay in the marriage and work on it. But, in your case you should get divorced and consider giving up primary custody, then focus on getting yourself together.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 11, 2013 at 7:46 pm
Give up custody because I might be sick? Or... Because I'm worried of being sick? Or... Because I stress over wanting peace for my kids and myself? Sorry, John. But fuck you. I'm a good mother and anyone who knows me would agree.
And by the way... I went to have some tests read to me today and things are looking promising. Seems surgery will do the trick! 
Pointing around: "Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you, you're cool, fuck you, I'm out!"
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"Let the atheists come to me, and stop keeping them away, because the kingdom of heathens belongs to people like these." -Saint Bacon
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 11, 2013 at 9:26 pm
I don't like kids, and I don't want to get married. I'm just not much of a family man.
But I think an effort needs to be made to repair a marriage, first for the sake of the partners in the marriage, and secondly for the kids. My biological father died when I was 14, but was convalescent since I was 6. This was due to the effects of Agent Orange, a product used in Vietnam. I know I suffered for the time that my mother was taking care of both me and my biological father, until his death and my mothers' remarriage. It's just too much on one's plate. Having kids is usually better with two people. Well, having kids and not messing them up.
But, I believe in divorce. Frankly, I wish I knew more about it in a legal sense. My grandparents have been married for over 60 years. They get really cranky towards eachother, but the underlying love is there, and is obvious. My best friend married 2 years ago and it is already heading towards divorce. A cousin of mine, with three kids, is also heading towards divorce. In some cases, divorce seems like a cop out to me, and in others, it seems outright necessary. Where the fine line is, I have no clue. But it does make me sad that todays generation of married folks give up so easily.
That is part of why I don't wish to marry. Marriage almost seems like a resource-intensive version of dating now.
"For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." - Carl Sagan
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 12, 2013 at 12:43 am
My parents are in an unhappy marriage. I feel like I'm their only source of happiness from this family, well me and my sibling. That's not a good feeling because I'm not one to stick around, I want to up and leave, but I feel like if I do, they'll lapse into very unhappy lives.
I don't believe in sticking together if you're unhappy "for the sake of the kids", unless you can get yourselves genuinely happy again. I'm pretty cynical about relationships, well ... very cynical, and I can't honestly say that wasn't affected by my parents' relationship. I've also seen a lot of failed marriages in my extended family, so there's that as well. Anyways.
Being unhappy in your home is tough. I've been like that for almost as long as I can remember, it's tough and no one should have to go through it.
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RE: Divorce and the kids
October 12, 2013 at 1:56 am
(October 11, 2013 at 7:46 pm)Ivy Wrote: And by the way... I went to have some tests read to me today and things are looking promising. Seems surgery will do the trick!
Great news! Party at my place!
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