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Why I'm not proud to be an American
#1
Why I'm not proud to be an American
Fappy

We federally fund mental illness and child abuse

http://nationalreport.net/fappy-the-dolp...turbation/
[Image: 4th_grade_los_angeles.jpg]


Phoenix, AZ — In an ironic twist of a fate, a mascot for a Christian anti-masturbation organization was arrested Sunday for masturbating in public. The group recently finished a federally funded 31-city nationwide school tour which it says focused on educating both children and parents about the dangerous consequences of masturbation.
Tom Downey with the Phoenix Police Department, who took Horner into custody, spoke with Arizona news station ABC 15 about the arrest. “We thought at first he was possibly intoxicated or mentally unstable, ya know, talking about children and how deadly it is for them to masturbate. Telling us he was in town with a Christian organization aimed at talking with children about the dangers of masturbation. Saying things like, ‘They need to stop playing on the devil’s playground, stop pounding their devil stick or ringing the Devil’s doorbell’,” Downey said. “Things got very odd when Horner broke down crying in the back of my cruiser and began making noises, kind of like a fish, saying that he believed himself to be an actual dolphin. It was really strange.”

Lonnie Childs who is president and founder of Stop Masturbation Now spoke with reporters about the future of the organization after this recent setback. “Thanks to your tax dollars, Fappy has helped tens of thousands of adults and children learn to live a masturbation-free lifestyle. During his visits to schools around the world, Fappy has collected thousands of signatures from children promising to never masturbate; he has done great things,” Childs said. “It’s a shame how the media is portraying Fappy right now. Paul Horner is a great man. He’s passionate about his work, he loves being Fappy, he loves the kids. They even have a nickname for him, they call him the tickle monster. But now, all of that is possibly ruined by some trumped-up charges by the Phoenix five-oh, such a shame. I have activated my prayer app and I ask each and every one of you to keep Fappy in your prayers until this incident is resolved. Praise Fappy!”

Horner told CNN by phone that he plans to make the most of his imprisonment. “I want to apologize to all my amazing fans out there, I love and miss you all,” Horner said. “You have my word that I will make the most of this bad situation. Jail is just a hotbed for self-rape and immoral acts. I plan to do everything in my power to stop the masturbation currently happening in this jail.”

Fappy The Anti-Masturbation Dolphin and Stop Masturbation Now are federally funded programs designed to teach both children and adults about the dangers and consequences of masturbation. For more information or if you would like the group to visit your child’s school call (785) 273-0325.
If I were to create self aware beings knowing fully what they would do in their lifetimes, I sure wouldn't create a HELL for the majority of them to live in infinitely! That's not Love, that's sadistic. Therefore a truly loving god does not exist!

Quote:The sin is against an infinite being (God) unforgiven infinitely, therefore the punishment is infinite.

Dead wrong.  The actions of a finite being measured against an infinite one are infinitesimal and therefore merit infinitesimal punishment.

Quote:Some people deserve hell.

I say again:  No exceptions.  Punishment should be equal to the crime, not in excess of it.  As soon as the punishment is greater than the crime, the punisher is in the wrong.

[Image: tumblr_n1j4lmACk61qchtw3o1_500.gif]
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#2
RE: Why I'm not proud to be an American
Whew!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nationalreport.net

Quote:National Report (nationalreport.net) is a satirical website. It is published by Allen Montgomery.[1]

Among headline-generating spoofs are a report that Arizona's governor Jan Brewer intended to introduce mandatory gay-to-straight conversion courses into the state's public school system,[2] and a report that fooled researchers at Fox News Channel, in which the President was purported to have announced his intention to spend his own money to keep a Muslim museum open during a government shutdown.[3] Another report that fooled people in Wyoming claimed that a man in Hanna, Wyoming was the first recipient of a RFID chip which, the report claimed, was part of an Obamacare pilot program.[1] A report published by National Report on November 2, 2013 claiming a fictitious Assam Rape Festival created a furor in Indian national and local media. Several newspapers and blogs reported the same

Had me worried for a moment there. I mean, I know the mormons had that movie...."Saving Private Hard-on" but this was just too over the top.

Besides, it didn't make the local news.
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#3
RE: Why I'm not proud to be an American
The fact that the dolphin was named "Fappy" gave it away.
Even if the open windows of science at first make us shiver after the cozy indoor warmth of traditional humanizing myths, in the end the fresh air brings vigor, and the great spaces have a splendor of their own - Bertrand Russell
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#4
RE: Why I'm not proud to be an American
Oh thank the lord baby chtulhu. My faith in humanity plummeted drastically for a bit Tongue
If I were to create self aware beings knowing fully what they would do in their lifetimes, I sure wouldn't create a HELL for the majority of them to live in infinitely! That's not Love, that's sadistic. Therefore a truly loving god does not exist!

Quote:The sin is against an infinite being (God) unforgiven infinitely, therefore the punishment is infinite.

Dead wrong.  The actions of a finite being measured against an infinite one are infinitesimal and therefore merit infinitesimal punishment.

Quote:Some people deserve hell.

I say again:  No exceptions.  Punishment should be equal to the crime, not in excess of it.  As soon as the punishment is greater than the crime, the punisher is in the wrong.

[Image: tumblr_n1j4lmACk61qchtw3o1_500.gif]
Reply
#5
RE: Why I'm not proud to be an American
Haha, look at his cute little dolphin face.
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[Image: 146748944129044_zpsomrzyn3d.gif]
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#6
RE: Why I'm not proud to be an American
(July 4, 2014 at 3:37 pm)Luckie Wrote: Oh thank the lord baby chtulhu. My faith in humanity plummeted drastically for a bit Tongue

Please. "Dread Lord Cthulhu", if you don't mind.
Reply
#7
RE: Why I'm not proud to be an American
(July 4, 2014 at 3:37 pm)Luckie Wrote: Oh thank the lord baby chtulhu. My faith in humanity plummeted drastically for a bit Tongue

Remember the mormon movie before you get too comfortable.

http://www.deathandtaxesmag.com/214245/m...wn-in-war/

Quote:Also, while you may think that lecturing your friend about his masturbation habits is a completely bizarre thing for you to do, it is definitely not. Bring it up whenever possible in hopes that your friend will either go to Mormon church with you and repent for his sins, or move out and take said sins with him.
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#8
RE: Why I'm not proud to be an American
Lol oh well I'm still not proud to be an American. I hate wastefulness, and that's only what you can call a ton of impoverished people buying sparkly explosion powder that lasts mere seconds for the sake of culture.
If I were to create self aware beings knowing fully what they would do in their lifetimes, I sure wouldn't create a HELL for the majority of them to live in infinitely! That's not Love, that's sadistic. Therefore a truly loving god does not exist!

Quote:The sin is against an infinite being (God) unforgiven infinitely, therefore the punishment is infinite.

Dead wrong.  The actions of a finite being measured against an infinite one are infinitesimal and therefore merit infinitesimal punishment.

Quote:Some people deserve hell.

I say again:  No exceptions.  Punishment should be equal to the crime, not in excess of it.  As soon as the punishment is greater than the crime, the punisher is in the wrong.

[Image: tumblr_n1j4lmACk61qchtw3o1_500.gif]
Reply
#9
RE: Why I'm not proud to be an American
I don't know why, but this reminds my of a video (I'm pretty sure the original is not intended to be funny)
Sorry this one doesn't have subtitles and I was too lazy to find one that did.
The guy is talking some bullshit about the evils of masturbation though. Enjoy the facial expressions and hand gestures Wink










And the remix. Someone posted this a while back on TTA. I still laugh every time.
(August 21, 2017 at 11:31 pm)KevinM1 Wrote: "I'm not a troll"
Religious Views: He gay

0/10

Hammy Wrote:and we also have a sheep on our bed underneath as well
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#10
RE: Why I'm not proud to be an American
Bill Clinton fired his attorney general for suggesting that masturbation be covered in sex-ed. Irony?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joycelyn_El...ermination
[Image: dcep7c.jpg]
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