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RE: joke time
November 14, 2015 at 7:18 pm
Jesus and the devil were going to be in a big boxing match. The whole town bet on the devil to win because everybody knew how crafty he we. Even the preacher bet on the devil. But when the fight started, the first punch Jesus threw, the devil hit the mat. He was out for the count. The whole town was stunned.
Town: How could you? We all bet on you. How could you just take a dive?
Devil: I know y’all bet on me. That’s why I bet on Jesus and now I’m taking all your money.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
November 17, 2015 at 10:14 pm
(This post was last modified: November 17, 2015 at 10:17 pm by Darkstar.)
Quote:Maria, a devout Catholic, got married and had 10 children. After her first husband died, she remarried and had 10 more children. A few weeks after her second husband died, Maria also passed away.
At Maria's funeral, the priest looked skyward and said, "At last, they're finally together."
Her sister sitting in the front row said, "Excuse me, Father, but do you mean she and her first husband, or she and her second husband?"
The priest replied,
Quote:A deacon is in the hospital and his good friend, a preacher, goes to visit him.
The preacher notices all the medical equipment attached to the deacon. He kneels by the bed.
The deacon motions to a pad and pen on the nightstand. The preacher hands his friend the pad and pen, and the deacon begins to write. Suddenly, the deacon dies.
At his funeral, the preacher delivers the service. He says, "I was with him when he died, and as a matter of fact, I have his last thought in my coat pocket here."
The preacher pulls out the paper and reads, "Please, get up. You're kneeling on my oxygen hose."
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RE: joke time
November 18, 2015 at 9:13 am
Apparently 1 in every 2 and a half men is HIV positive
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RE: joke time
November 18, 2015 at 9:27 am
(November 18, 2015 at 9:13 am)Napoléon Wrote: Apparently 1 in every 2 and a half men is HIV positive
"BI-WINNING"
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RE: joke time
November 18, 2015 at 12:10 pm
The news is so depressing lately. Terror attacks, retaliation bombings, earthquakes...
About the only positive thing is Charlie Sheen.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
November 18, 2015 at 12:48 pm
"What kind of women are you into these days?"
"Any that will let me."
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RE: joke time
November 18, 2015 at 12:49 pm
"What do you like to see in a woman?"
"My tongue."
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
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RE: joke time
November 19, 2015 at 4:43 am
Why is broccoli like anal sex?
Boru
‘But it does me no injury for my neighbour to say there are twenty gods or no gods. It neither picks my pocket nor breaks my leg.’ - Thomas Jefferson
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RE: joke time
November 19, 2015 at 12:49 pm
A New York attorney representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client,
Quote:Quote:Quote:Quote:Quote:Quote:Quote:"Saul, I have some good news and, I have some bad news."
The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."
The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested $5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of $15-20 million. I think she could be right."
Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman!
You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"
The lawyer replied, "The pictures are of you with your secretary."
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RE: joke time
November 19, 2015 at 3:21 pm
(November 18, 2015 at 12:49 pm)Stimbo Wrote: "What do you like to see in a woman?"
"My tongue."
Is that a threat, a promise or a challenge?
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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