joke time

[vorlon13]

[Brian37]

Back when Bush Jr was president, the Secret Service came up to him and whispered in his ear that a plane full of Brazilians died.

Bush Jr asked "How many are in a Brazillion?'

[Minimalist]

The Guardian reported that Ted Cruz is back in Washington and at a republicunt party lunch

he joked: “To be honest with you, I didn’t want to come back.”

Senator John McCain, the Republicans’ 2008 nominee, had a ready reply : “We didn’t really want you back, either.”

[Cecelia]

Don't know if this one has been posted yet, but got a good laugh from reading it:

A drunk man who smelled like beer sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked," Say, Father, what causes arthritis?"

"My Son, it's caused by loose living, being with cheap, wicked women, too much alcohol, a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of bath." "Well, I'll be damned," the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?" "I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."

[Minimalist]

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies,
I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL

40 D Breasts

24" WAIST and

34" HIPS
When she walks into a room, people say,

“ JESUS" !!!!!

[Rhondazvous]

A husband and wife got in the car to go for a ride.
Wife: It’s so hot in here. Turn on the air conditioner.
Husband: It’s broken.
Wife: Drat. Well, I guess I’ll just have to suffer.
Husband: Here’s an idea. Roll down the window.
Wife. What?! And let the neighbors know we don’t have air conditioner?

[Rhondazvous]

duplicate

[carusmm]

Four old Catholic men and a Catholic woman were having coffee in St. Peters Square .

The first Catholic man tells his friends, "My son is a priest, when he walks into a room, everyone calls him 'Father'."

The second Catholic man chirps, "My son is a Bishop. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Grace'."

The third Catholic gent says, "My son is a Cardinal. When he enters a room everyone bows their head and says 'Your Eminence'."

The fourth Catholic man says very proudly, "My son is the Pope. When he walks into a room people call him 'Your Holiness'."

Since the lone Catholic woman was sipping her coffee in silence, The four men give her a subtle, "Well....?"
She proudly replies,
I have a daughter,

SLIM & TALL

40 D Breasts

24" WAIST and

34" HIPS
When she walks into a room, people say,

“ JESUS" !!!!!

I have heard a version on this, but this is better.

[Minimalist]

Earl and Bubba are quietly sitting in a boat fishing,
Chewing tobacco and drinking beer when suddenly
Bubba says, "Think I'm gonna divorce the wife - she
Ain't spoke to me in over 2 months."
 
Earl spits overboard, takes a long, slow sip of beer and says, "Better think it over  ....women like that are hard to find."

[Minimalist]

Francesca went to the cemetery in her village to water the flowers on the grave of her deceased husband, Enzo.
 
When she was finished, she always walked backwards as she left the grave.
 
One day her friend Bianca asked, "Francesca, why do you always leave the cemetery walking backwards?"
 
Francesca answered, "When Enzo was alive he always told me, 'You've got such a great ass it could bring a dead man back to life!'
 
So, I'm not taking any chances!!"