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RE: joke time
October 4, 2017 at 3:56 am
(This post was last modified: October 4, 2017 at 4:02 am by ignoramus.)
Brian. Some big corp has already gone one better.
They're transmitting (REM frequency) alpha waves via the radio station transmitters to intercept people's dreams and insert their own advertising.
On Monday, I was dreaming that I was being chased by Freddie Krueger! But he was also wearing a placard!
The one on his chest said "the Toyota marathon finishes this weekend, now with 5 year warranty on all Colloras" and on his back it said: "20 chicken nuggets with 3 dipping sauces for $9.99. Limited time only at participating Hungry Jack's stores only."
Last night I was having one of my regular dreams with Voula the goat wearing a nice school girl's uniform and we were flirting as normal in a green field when a sign writing plane wrote:
Durex condoms, Play it safe.
And I'm thinking, shit, now they even know what you're thinking in your dreams!
Yeah, they really killed the mood for me when they did that...
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
October 4, 2017 at 8:02 am
(October 3, 2017 at 5:42 pm)Brian37 Wrote: I am really fucking pissed that NOBODY wants to invest in my new online media service providing TV static snow.
Doesn't anyone besides me have a sense of nostalgia for the days when the stations would sign off with the National Anthem and have overnight nothing? Has nobody seen the movie Poltergeist?
America has no imagination? That, or I need to lay off the crack pipe.
Dam it if I am not going to start a radio station with no content!
Man, what's the point of saying "darn" after you've said "fucking?"
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
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RE: joke time
October 4, 2017 at 11:24 pm
And oldie but a goodie.
It's a little known fact that a well known Rolling Stones song was inspired when Mick Jagger was on holiday in Scotland.
While staying in a cottage in the country, he was woken by a loud, angry shout, from his host.
"Hey, McLeod! get offa my ewe!"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
October 4, 2017 at 11:36 pm
No matter how hard you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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RE: joke time
October 5, 2017 at 2:12 am
1. Money cannot buy happiness - but it's far more comfortable to cry in a Porsche than on a bicycle.
2. Forgive your enemy - but remember the asshole's name.
3. If you help someone when they're in trouble - they will remember you when they're in trouble again.
4. Alcohol does not solve any problems - but then, neither does milk....
5. Many people are alive only because it's illegal to shoot them.
BONUS RULE:
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
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RE: joke time
October 5, 2017 at 3:58 am
No God, No fear.
Know God, Know fear.
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RE: joke time
October 5, 2017 at 5:44 am
(October 5, 2017 at 2:12 am)Minimalist Wrote: BONUS RULE:
Condoms do not guarantee safe sex. A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
I was always taught that 'safe sex' meant to make sure the car doors were locked and the hand brake was fully engaged.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
October 5, 2017 at 6:38 am
(October 4, 2017 at 3:56 am)ignoramus Wrote: Brian. Some big corp has already gone one better.
They're transmitting (REM frequency) alpha waves via the radio station transmitters to intercept people's dreams and insert their own advertising.
On Monday, I was dreaming that I was being chased by Freddie Krueger! But he was also wearing a placard!
The one on his chest said "the Toyota marathon finishes this weekend, now with 5 year warranty on all Colloras" and on his back it said: "20 chicken nuggets with 3 dipping sauces for $9.99. Limited time only at participating Hungry Jack's stores only."
Last night I was having one of my regular dreams with Voula the goat wearing a nice school girl's uniform and we were flirting as normal in a green field when a sign writing plane wrote:
Durex condoms, Play it safe.
And I'm thinking, shit, now they even know what you're thinking in your dreams!
Yeah, they really killed the mood for me when they did that...
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42
RE: joke time
October 5, 2017 at 10:13 am
I think I posted this some time ago, but Min reminded me of it so here it goes.
A man and woman are in bed when they hear a noise.
Man: What's that noise?
Woman: Oh, that's just my husband. Kiss my breast. I'm cumming.
Man: Kiss my ass. I'm going.
The god who allows children to be raped out of respect for the free will choice of the rapist, but punishes gay men for engaging in mutually consensual sex couldn't possibly be responsible for an intelligently designed universe.
I may defend your right to free speech, but i won't help you pass out flyers.
Those who can make you believe absurdities, can make you commit atrocities.
--Voltaire
Nietzsche isn't dead. How do I know he lives? He lives in my mind.
Posts: 35310
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Joined: August 13, 2012
Reputation:
146
RE: joke time
October 5, 2017 at 3:06 pm
(This post was last modified: October 5, 2017 at 3:06 pm by The Valkyrie.)
"Why use Google when Jesus has all the answers."
In Prayer, "Dear Jesus, where do I find midget porn?"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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