joke time

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I think it is mean to call them "Meerkats". Exactly what is it Meerkats don't have that lions and tigers do have?

Better press agents.

Boru

[Magilla]

This fella had been cast away on a tiny island for eight years.
Sitting on the beach, he spies a movement just off shore.
It's a gorgeous young woman wearing a wet-suit.

As she emerges from the surf she smiles charmingly and asks the guy: "Hi how are you?"
He says: "I've been lonesome, but as of now, not so much".

She says: "Do you smoke?", and he says; "Yeah, but not in eight years".
So the girl fishes into her left pocket, and gets out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, in a waterproof pouch.
She sets up a ciggy, lights it and gives it to our castaway, who has a jolly good puff, blowing out clouds of smoke.

"Aaah, good", he says, and she says, "How long is it since you had a drink?"
"Eight long years", he replies, so she fishes out a bottle of booze from her right pocket".
The girl unscrews the bottle, and gives it to the now smiling man, who has a long draught of the delicious stuff.

"And . . . ", says the young woman, seductively pulling at the long zip down the front of her wet suit, "how long is it since you . . . played around?"
"Good grief ", replies the man, "don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there !"

[The Valkyrie]

This fella had been cast away on a tiny island for eight years.
Sitting on the beach, he spies a movement just off shore.
It's a gorgeous young woman wearing a wet-suit.

As she emerges from the surf she smiles charmingly and asks the guy: "Hi how are you?"
He says: "I've been lonesome, but as of now, not so much".

She says: "Do you smoke?", and he says; "Yeah, but not in eight years".
So the girl fishes into her left pocket, and gets out a pack of cigarettes and a lighter, in a waterproof pouch.
She sets up a ciggy, lights it and gives it to our castaway, who has a jolly good puff, blowing out clouds of smoke.

"Aaah, good", he says, and she says, "How long is it since you had a drink?"
"Eight long years", he replies, so she fishes out a bottle of booze from her right pocket".
The girl unscrews the bottle, and gives it to the now smiling man, who has a long draught of the delicious stuff.

"And . . . ", says the young woman, seductively pulling at the long zip down the front of her wet suit, "how long is it since you . . . played around?"
"Good grief ", replies the man, "don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there !"

Same scenario.

She asks him what he does to pass the time?

"I fling stones."

"Have you ever had sex?"

"No, what's that?"

So she shows him. Multiple times over multiple hours.

Finally she's lying on the sand and asks, "What did you think of that?"

"That was great!" He replies. Then he looks down his body in horror and screams, "But look what you did to my stone flinger!! It's all soft!"

[Cyberman]

Same scenario, only the woman is Angelina Jolie.

She emerges from the sea, strips off her wetsuit and beckons the guy over. They sink to the sand and start getting down to it.

Two weeks of non-stop sex later, they're lying there steaming when he asks if she'd help him act out a fantasy. "Anything for you, babe," she said.

He says "Would you dress up in my spare clothes and wait for me at the other end of the beach?"

It's a little odd, she thinks, but says "Sure."

So she puts on his gear and sets off. About half an hour later, she sees him coming towards her.

He walks up to her and says, "Hey, you'll never guess who I'm shagging!"

[The Valkyrie]

A patient came into my office the other day. He was an older man, around 60.

After a routine ECG, he asked, "Do you think I'll live to be a hundred?"

"Do you smoke or drink?" I asked.

"No."

"Do you take drugs, gamble, drive fast, or have relationships with fast women?" I asked.

"No. I've always been clean living, so I don't do any of that." he replied.

"Then why," I asked, the fuck would you want to live to 100?"

[Brian37]

Breaking news, Goofy has filed a lawsuit for deceptive practices against Micky Mouse. Goofy is claiming the mice print in the contract was deceptive.

[The Valkyrie]

Mickey Mouse is trying to divorce Minnie.

"I'm sorry, Mr Mouse," says the lawyer. "Your wife being insane isn't ground for divorce."

"I didn't say she was insane," said Mickey, "I said she's fucking Goofy!"

[Brian37]

Just once on the TV game show "The Price Is Right", when everyone is bidding on contestant's row I want to see them bid on a cash prize. 

"What do you bid on $2,000 dollars?"

"Um um I'll bid $1"

[Angrboda]

Just once on the TV game show "The Price Is Right", when everyone is bidding on contestant's row I want to see them bid on a cash prize. 

"What do you bid on $2,000 dollars?"

"Um um I'll bid $1"

The Dollar Auction first appeared in 1971. Today, given inflation, the game is often played like this: A large group of people participate in the auction, say between 30 and 50. A $20 bill is auctioned off to the highest bidder. Bidding begins at $1. All subsequent bids must be in single dollar increments. The “twist” to this auction is that while the highest bidder wins the twenty dollar bill, the second highest bidder must pay to the auctioneer what he or she bid as well. In this auction, there will usually be not only be one loser, one who pays money for nothing, and but two. Read on!

By the time the auction reaches $19, most bidders drop out. The person who had bid $18 will invariably bid $20 to break even. Presumably, that would bring the auction to a close, right? Wrong! One professor who utilized the Dollar Auction as a teaching tool for more than 20 years said that the bidding will usually continue well past the $20 mark.

Consider this case in point, a day the professor will never forget. He used the dollar auction while teaching a course for executives in organizational behavior. At the end, the “winner” paid $54 for the twenty dollar bill. The loser paid $53. The rest of the class watched the futile bidding war with bewilderment and glee. (Proceeds would be donated to charity).

The $20 auction and the dynamics of conflict

[Brian37]

Just once on the TV game show "The Price Is Right", when everyone is bidding on contestant's row I want to see them bid on a cash prize. 

"What do you bid on $2,000 dollars?"

"Um um I'll bid $1"

The Dollar Auction first appeared in 1971. Today, given inflation, the game is often played like this: A large group of people participate in the auction, say between 30 and 50. A $20 bill is auctioned off to the highest bidder. Bidding begins at $1. All subsequent bids must be in single dollar increments. The “twist” to this auction is that while the highest bidder wins the twenty dollar bill, the second highest bidder must pay to the auctioneer what he or she bid as well. In this auction, there will usually be not only be one loser, one who pays money for nothing, and but two. Read on!

   By the time the auction reaches $19, most bidders drop out. The person who had bid $18 will invariably bid $20 to break even. Presumably, that would bring the auction to a close, right? Wrong! One professor who utilized the Dollar Auction as a teaching tool for more than 20 years said that the bidding will usually continue well past the $20 mark.

   Consider this case in point, a day the professor will never forget.  He used the dollar auction while teaching a course for executives in organizational behavior. At the end, the “winner” paid $54 for the twenty dollar bill. The loser paid $53. The rest of the class watched the futile bidding war with bewilderment and glee. (Proceeds would be donated to charity).

The $20 auction and the dynamics of conflict

I'm confused? What does this have to do with a TV game show and the rules the producers set up?

Yes it is possible to bid on money. But we are not talking about anything outside game show. 

I watch the news, it is possible to bet on the future exchange rate of any worldwide currency or even collectible currency. And the article really really only addressing how stupid humans can get in competition. 

Ford vs Chevy, Bud vs Miller, left vs right, 5 string banjo vs 6. Electric guitar vs acoustic. 

I'd agree though, if the point in the article is that you can sell ice cream to Eskimos with the right marketing, people will trample and murder each other for that Klondike Bar.

"What would you do for a Klondike Bar"