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Current time: December 15, 2024, 3:29 pm
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joke time
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I just realized, it probably would not be appropriate to call the 1980s all female bands "Bangles" or "Vixen" "broadband".
A guy calls up his ex-wife and, disguising his voice, asks to speak to himself.
“Sorry, he doesn’t live here anymore, we’re divorced!” Next day, the guy does the same thing with the same results. He does this everyday for a week, and finally his ex-wife realizes who it is that keeps calling. “Look, you bozo! We’re divorced! Finito! End of story! When are you going to get that through your fat head?” “Oh, I know! I just can’t hear it enough!”
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
I've had a very sore arse the last few days, and I asked my mate what it could be. He said "Ring sting". I said "How the bloody hell would he know?"
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
God and Satan are arguing after Eve eats from the Tree of Knowledge of Good and Evil.
God: Satan, why did you tempt Eve into eating from the tree? Satan: To show you how stupid this whole thing is. I mean if they don't know good from evil, how are they supposed to know they should obey you? God: Because I'm God! Satan: That's not an argument and you know it. God: But I'm god. I can do what I want. They must obey me. Satan: So what, you just want mindless slaves?! God: Exactly! Satan: Then maybe you should have invented social media. Metatron: Or Republicans.
The whole tone of Church teaching in regard to woman is, to the last degree, contemptuous and degrading. - Elizabeth Cady Stanton
Two blondes were in a theatre watching a movie when one says to her companion, “The guy next to me is jerking off!”
“Just ignore the dirty bastard,” the second blonde says. “I can’t,” says the first, “he’s using my hand!” Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???" RE: joke time
August 9, 2018 at 12:14 am
(This post was last modified: August 9, 2018 at 12:21 am by Cyberman.)
I'm going in for a spelling competition on Saturday. Wish me look.
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
(August 9, 2018 at 12:14 am)Cyberman Wrote: I'm going in for a spelling competition on Saturday. Wish me look. God Luke! Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni: "You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
It was the day of the funeral and the traffic warden's coffin was being lowered into the ground. Suddenly a muffled voice starts shouting, "Help me... someone help... I'm not dead! ... please somebody help me!"
With an evil grin, the vicar kneels down and leans over the coffin. "Sorry mate," he says, "You're too late... I've already done the paperwork!"
At the age of five, Skagra decided emphatically that God did not exist. This revelation tends to make most people in the universe who have it react in one of two ways - with relief or with despair. Only Skagra responded to it by thinking, 'Wait a second. That means there's a situation vacant.'
"Dad, are we pyromaniacs?"
"Every luxury has a deep price. Every indulgence, a cosmic cost. Each fiber of pleasure you experience causes equivalent pain somewhere else. This is the first law of emodynamics [sic]. Joy can be neither created nor destroyed. The balance of happiness is constant.
Fact: Every time you eat a bite of cake, someone gets horsewhipped. Facter: Every time two people kiss, an orphanage collapses. Factest: Every time a baby is born, an innocent animal is severely mocked for its physical appearance. Don't be a pleasure hog. Your every smile is a dagger. Happiness is murder. Vote "yes" on Proposition 1321. Think of some kids. Some kids." |
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