joke time

[The Valkyrie]

A mother is driving down a busy street with her young daughter in the car when a dildo flies out of nowhere and bounces off the windscreen.

Daughter, "What was that?"

Mother (thinking fast) "Probably just a bug!"

Daughter, "That fucking bug had a huge dick!"

[The Valkyrie]

Me to patient, "Jim, I have bad news."

Jim, "What is it?"

Me, "You have to stop masturbating!"

Jim, "Oh god! Why??"

Me, "Because I'm trying to talk to you!"

[The Valkyrie]

My ex picking up a video camera, "Let's make a sex tape!"

Me, "Knowing you it's more likely to be a .gif."

[fredd bear]

My ex picking up a video camera, "Let's make a sex tape!"

Me, "Knowing you it's more likely to be a .gif."

Now THAT'S uncanny. 

[Brian37]

So A transgender's car craps out, wont start, so they take it to a mechanic. The mechanic takes a couple of hours to look at it. They come back out to the lobby and say, "I hate to tell you this, but it is your transmission."

It's a play on words.

---

I am an animal lover. I can't understand why the courts have a problem with that.

[Brian37]

A Kangaroo goes into the store to complain about the service.

Kangaroo, "May I speak to the manager?"

Clerk, "Yes, give me a second."

Manager comes out, "What seems to be the problem?"

Kangaroo, "I am hopping mad."

[Cod]

A Kangaroo goes into the store to complain about the service.

Kangaroo, "May I speak to the manager?"

Clerk, "Yes, give me a second."

Manager comes out, "What seems to be the problem?"

Kangaroo, "I am hopping mad."

Then the manager says "You're a Kangaroo."

The Kangaroo says nothing for 40 seconds then says "Yes."

The manager asks "Why the long pause?"

[Brian37]

A Kangaroo goes into the store to complain about the service.

Kangaroo, "May I speak to the manager?"

Clerk, "Yes, give me a second."

Manager comes out, "What seems to be the problem?"

Kangaroo, "I am hopping mad."

Then the manager says "You're a Kangaroo."

The Kangaroo says nothing for 40 seconds then says "Yes."

The manager asks "Why the long pause?"

I'm a little slow on the uptake.

Was that supposed to be a play on the word's "pause" and "paws"?

[Cod]

Then the manager says "You're a Kangaroo."

The Kangaroo says nothing for 40 seconds then says "Yes."

The manager asks "Why the long pause?"

I'm a little slow on the uptake.

Was that supposed to be a play on the word's "pause" and "paws"?

I don't know. I didn't get it myself.

[Brian37]

A horse is out with family and friends, and the issue gets onto politics and economics.

The horse announces that it has switched parties.

The shocked family asks why.

The horse responds, "I want to live a stable life."