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RE: joke time
May 10, 2019 at 3:46 pm
Trump, "My son is a good person"..... Yes, now we have the alternative ending to "The Empire Strikes Back", where Luke joins the Dark Side when Darth tells him he is his father.
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RE: joke time
May 11, 2019 at 6:02 pm
A computer once beat me at chess, but it couldn't hold a candle to me at kickboxing.
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
May 12, 2019 at 7:57 pm
Little known fact:
Kiwis invented condoms using sheep intestines.
Aussies later refined the technique by taking the intestines out of the sheep first...
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
May 12, 2019 at 8:25 pm
My wife just called me and said, 'Pack a bag...I just won the lottery!!'
'That's great! Should I pack for warm weather or cold?'
'I don't care, just so you're out of the house by the time I get home.'
Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
May 12, 2019 at 9:57 pm
[Is reminded to check Lotto tickets]
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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RE: joke time
May 13, 2019 at 12:13 am
True story
Years ago I dated a lady who had a latex allergy.
I was at the druggist picking up the natural sheepskin condoms.
There was a young couple, bewildered by the vast assortment displayed. The young lady - noting my selection- and the drastically higher price than the latex, inquired. -- "Are those expensive ones really better?"
Without missing a beat, I said-
"They're not for cheap fuckers".
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RE: joke time
May 13, 2019 at 8:44 am
I just realized, when 007 gets over the age of 60 he is into Bondage..... Bond age..... BA DUM..... Nevermind.
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RE: joke time
May 13, 2019 at 9:02 am
Decades ago I was making jewelry from condoms. (Still in the wrapper). Long boring story. I went to a local pharmacy and there was a dozen boxes of twelve on the shelf. I said "Give me twelve." The guy hands me one box. I said 'All twelve boxes". He was stunned.
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!
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RE: joke time
May 14, 2019 at 4:41 pm
I know, deep down, that sleeping with patients is wrong. It's unethical. But sometimes I just can't help myself. I look at them and the urge is overwhelming.
Then the voice in the back of my head says, "But you're a vet!"
Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:
"You did WHAT? With WHO? WHERE???"
