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joke time
RE: joke time
(May 8, 2019 at 8:58 pm)vulcanlogician Wrote:
Quote:The programmer's wife tells him: "Run to the store and pick up a loaf of bread. If they have eggs, get a dozen".

The programmer comes home with 12 loaves of bread.

Following orders can be amusing...


I was in the service when urinalysis for drugs became the norm. I was off duty working on a motorcycle - when a 1st class I didn't know showed up and ordered me to the conference room building - where they were drug testing everyone.

There was a table with a chief a 1st and second class (female) were processing the paperwork. I filled out my paper - and was handed a bottle and told " fill this up".

Did I mention I'd  had more than a few beers?

I proceeded to unzip and pull it out to "fill it up" - the chief screamed at me a "not here you asshole!  Go use the bathroom !"


" Sorry chief- just following orders". [/grin]
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RE: joke time
Trump, "My son is a good person"..... Yes, now we have the alternative ending to "The Empire Strikes Back", where Luke joins the Dark Side when Darth tells him he is his father.
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RE: joke time
A computer once beat me at chess, but it couldn't hold a candle to me at kickboxing.

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
Little known fact:

Kiwis invented condoms using sheep intestines.

Aussies later refined the technique by taking the intestines out of the sheep first...

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
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RE: joke time
My wife just called me and said, 'Pack a bag...I just won the lottery!!'

'That's great! Should I pack for warm weather or cold?'

'I don't care, just so you're out of the house by the time I get home.'

Boru
‘I can’t be having with this.’ - Esmeralda Weatherwax
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RE: joke time
[Is reminded to check Lotto tickets]
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
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RE: joke time
True story


Years ago I dated a lady who had a latex allergy.

I was at the druggist picking up the natural sheepskin condoms. 

There was a young couple, bewildered by the vast assortment displayed. The young lady - noting my selection- and the drastically higher price than the latex, inquired. -- "Are those expensive ones really better?"

Without missing a beat, I said-

"They're not for cheap fuckers".
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RE: joke time
I just realized, when 007 gets over the age of 60 he is into Bondage..... Bond age..... BA DUM..... Nevermind.
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RE: joke time
Decades ago I was making jewelry from condoms. (Still in the wrapper). Long boring story. I went to a local pharmacy and there was a dozen boxes of twelve on the shelf. I said "Give me twelve." The guy hands me one box. I said 'All twelve boxes". He was stunned.
God thinks it's fun to confuse primates. Larsen's God!






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RE: joke time
I know, deep down, that sleeping with patients is wrong. It's unethical. But sometimes I just can't help myself. I look at them and the urge is overwhelming.

Then the voice in the back of my head says, "But you're a vet!"

Playing Cluedo with my mum while I was at Uni:

"You did WHAT?  With WHO?  WHERE???"
Reply



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