joke time

[LastPoet]

Could be painful.

One of my cousins, yes. Those things must be 12 pounders each.

[Little lunch]

Sounds nice.

[LastPoet]

Sounds nice.

Probably the first time axes would cause death by blunt force trauma.

[A. Secular Human]

boobies, yes.
axes, no!

How do you feel about boobies with axes tattooed on them?

Boru

Better axes than exes!

[no one]

What did the shy pebble wish?

Only to be a little boulder.

[ignoramus]

and the zippo wished to be a little lighter?

[Little lunch]

The orchestra wished for a bigger pianist.

[no one]

Since you asked for it:

A guy walks into a tavern. As he walked up to the bar he noticed a twelve-inch man playing the piano, so he asked the bartender, "What's that all about?" The bartender told him he that would tell him later. So the guy asked the bartender for a drink. The bartender said, "Before you get your drink, you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make one wish." "Okay," said the guy. He went over to the magic beer bottle and rubbed it. Poof. Out came a genie. The genie, of course, said, "You have one wish." The guy thought about it and then wished for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke filled the room, and then both the genie and the guy disappeared. In a few minutes, the guy reappeared back in the bar with a million ducks all around him. The guy was astounded and said to the bartender, "Hey! I didn't want a million ducks." The bartender replied, "Do you think I wanted a twelve-inch Pianist?"

[Fireball]

Young Arab, stumbling across the desert, spots something sort of shiny. He goes to it, picks it up, and realizes that it is a lantern. Buffs it with his sleeve, and a Jewish genie appears, and is miffed. "You have three wishes", he says. The Arab cries out, "I want 100 oil wells, overflowing with oil!". Up spring 100 oil wells, and oil is running everywhere. Arab says, I want 100 Cadillacs!", and a line of Cadillacs appears. He then screams, "I want the tip of my penis to drag the sand!". The genie pulls out a sword and cuts the Arab's legs short.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

Blondes are not as dumb as we think...

A lawyer and a blonde are seated together on a long flight, and the lawyer suggests they pass the time by playing a game. 'I'll ask you a question.  If you don't know the answer, you pay me $5.  Then you ask me a question and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you $5.'  The blonde is tired and just wants to have a kip, so she politely declines and starts to doze off.

But the lawyer is very persistent. 'I'll sweeten the deal,' he says.  'If you can't answer my question, you pay me the $5.  If I can't answer yours, I'll pay you $500.'  Realizing that this guy isn't going to belt up until she plays, the blonde agrees to the game and says, 'Ok. You ask first.'

The lawyer says, 'What is the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'  Without saying a word, the blonde reaches into her purse and hands the man his $5.  'Thanks,' he says. 'Your turn.'

The blonde thinks for a moment, then asks, 'Which animal has no eyes, ears or tongue, and climbs up a hill on three legs but comes down the hill on four legs?'  Seeing that the lawyer is stumped, she goes back to her nap.  Meanwhile, the lawyer is on his laptop Googling everything he can think of related to the question.  No luck.  He begins calling and emailing his friends, family and associates trying to get the answer.  Still no luck.  Realizing that he's beaten, he wakes the blonde and hands her the $500.  She thanks him and starts to return to her nap.

'Wait a minute,' he says.  'What's the answer?'

---

Without a word, the blonde hands him another $5 and goes back to sleep.

---

Boru